Family at Christmas - Is It Just Us?

bride2be2012

Been reading a few threads on here about what people are doing about visiting family at Christmas, and wondering if me and OH are being really selfish by just wanting to spend the time at home, just the two of us (well, 3 if you count the dog!)?

We've been together for almost four years, the first 2 years we were living with our respective parents, almost 2 hours apart. Year 1, he came up to stay with me and my parents, Year 2 I went to his. The year I stayed at his parents, his parents went out mid-afternoon to his one of his brothers, we weren't invited, so we hardly saw them. Year 3 (last year), he had moved up to stay with me and my parents so we had Christmas there - OH was working 24th and 27th, so didn't make a lot of sense to go to his parents.

This year, we have our own place, and decided a long time ago we want to spend Christmas Day, and probably Boxing Day too, on our own. My parents are fine with this, my mum says we are quite right and should make the most of it (next Christmas I hope to be expecting!).
However, we are going to OH parents this weekend, and expecting a big guilt trip. Last year, his mum took offence as we didn't go down for Boxing Day, as all the rest of the family (OHs brothers, sister, their partners and nieces) were all there. We could go down this year, as we are both off from the 23rd until the New Year, but really don't want to. But I know once she starts OH will start to cave in! We are planning on visiting for a few days between Christmas and New Year, but that won't be good enough.

Are we being totally selfish? A few friends I've spoken to about it all looked at me in horror when I said we won't be going to my mums (my folks live about 15 mins away from us) on Xmas Day - is it really so wrong to want to spend a couple of days to ourselves??

(ps, to make it worse, it's his mum's birthday on Xmas Eve, so the fact we are missing that also upsets her!)

Emmarillo

I think it's a little bit selfish to be honest although I'm sure most people won't agree. For me Christmas is for family, and as you've both got quite a few days off to spend alone together it wouldn't kill you to make your mums happy.

I do understand it's your Christmas too, and you must do what YOU want to, but I think it's a shame.

Golden_Anemone

I disagree with Emarillo. I think it is entirely reasonable to say it is your first Christmas together in your own place and you want to spend a couple of days together as a couple.

The difficulty is that if you give in and compromise this year you may be setting a precedent for all future years.

liz-paul

It is a case of horses for courses really. My opinion is do what you want but expect others to do the same other years. I don't mean that in a horible way at all but if in future you will expect people to visit you (such as when/if you have kids) then you have to put the effort in now, if you're not that bothered then don't worry yourself. Christmas means different things to different people. I would happily spend the day in my pyjamas eating chocolate and watching telly by myself but I have 2 small kids so have to make an effort for them lol! Also in my case my mum and my mother in law would be alone if I didn't invite them and I wouldn't want to do that. If the guilt will get to you or it will cause a big row then visit your in laws, if it won't then stand firm and tell them which day you will be visiting. If they have other family around then I'm sure they'll get over it jsut fine

It's not easy when you don't live close to your whol family I have a friend who has a parent/in law in each of N Ireland, England, Scotland & Wales! They gave up trying to visit everyone years ago!!
If your mum doesn't mind you not visiting then don't worry, do what makes you happy.

liz-paul

Another option is that you visit people for xmas eve, day and boxing day and have the days between xmas and new year to yourselves..... You could even visit in laws for xmas eve and stay until xmas morning but drive home (I know its a long way) before xmas dinner. That way you still get half of xmas day and all of boxing day to yourselves....

bride2be2012

Thanks, it's nice to see everyone's opinions.

Neither set of parents are going to be on their own if we don't visit. My folks still have my sisters are home (aged 9 and 19). OH's folks still have one of his brothers at home, and will either go to one OH's other siblings in the afternoon of Xmas Day to see their grandkids, or have one of the siblings come to them. If they go out, we won't go as there just won't be enough room for us all and don't like to have OHs sibling having to cook extra for us too.

Christmas is about family for us too, but we see it as we are each other's family now.

SugarSpun

I think it's a sensible precedent to set, FWIW, but I would suggest taking the sting out of it by inviting both sets of parents and anyone else who lives in their houses over for a Postmas party on the 27th or 28th.

ncsmummy

We used to go to my Dads for Xmas day when DS was little but once we had DD too we said that in future we will be staying at home with the kids - dont think it went down particularly well the first year but now it is the norm and noone minds. We always tell everyone they are welcome to ours at some point on xmas day to see the kids if they wish tho.

podperson

I don't think there's anything wrong with it - me and OH are spending Xmas and Boxing day just the two of us and am looking forward to a nice, quiet few days, and then am travelling down to see my family for a few days between xmas and new year. If it's his mum's birthday on Xmas Eve could you maybe go over for a bit on that day, maybe do a few xmassy things, and then visit again between xmas and new year.

Emmarillo

If my post came across as rude I didn't mean it that way (I've just read it back and feel horrible now).

Sometimes selfish is fine. Also the main thing is that the pair of you can agree on how you spend the time.

As long as nobody is being left ontheir own (unless its their choice) then it's up to you what you do. Enjoy your first Christmas in your home and whatever you decide don't waste any time feeling guilty!

lilac_lady

If you want to spend Christmas day with each other, go ahead.

I'd try and visit your Mum on her birthday and your OH's on Boxing day, even if it's just for an hour.