Family at Christmas - Is It Just Us?

Triggles

I think it all depends on what works best for all involved, really. We stay at home mostly over the holidays as our DS2 has SNs and the chaos of having Christmas elsewhere would truly put him over the edge of what he can cope with. Plus honestly we just enjoy being at home together. My MIL is coming over to spend Christmas Day and Boxing Day with us as well. Our DS1 (and DIL and DGS) are staying at theirs for Christmas, as it's a long drive to come visit us and we don't want them to feel obligated to drive a couple hours to see us when they could be enjoying themselves at home. We will get together with them prior to Christmas (or between Christmas and New Years). Our DD (and DGS) will be spending most of Christmas Day with her boyfriend and his father, who is coming from out of town for the holidays. They'll be popping in during the day Christmas Day, but DD lives literally around the corner from us, so it's not a huge trip.

Much as I'd enjoy seeing my mum over the holidays, she lives in the states and is unable to be here over the holidays. So we'll be ringing her frequently so we can chat and she can chat with the grandkids a bit.

This works for us and our families. So it's great. It can be troublesome if some family members are expecting more of a "visit commitment" than you're willing to make, but you sometimes have to compromise a bit. Sit down with your partner and decide what you're willing to negotiate and what you're not, so you can present a united front about it.

penelopedee_2

We only ever do Christmas day now as just our little family, we stopped going to the parents after the first couple of years. Our families are massive due to divorces and stuff, and although they live locally it became difficult trying not to upset anyone. So we opted to stay at home instead.

But we do have all the parents, kids and grandkids round on Christmas Eve tea time for a party and if I thought anyone from the family were going to be by themselves and lonely, they would be more than welcome to join us Christmas day.

StarSquishy

For one reason or another, this year me and the OH have decided to spend the day to ourselves. I'm going totally all out with it too. Can picture a lovely romantic day

There has been some resistance from my family, and others have respected my wishes. OH's family are fine about the whole thing.

Who knows what might happen next Christmas. I might hate having to use my own oven instead of using mothers to cook the dinner. We'll see.

midnightraven3

my OH asked me what i wanted for christmas last week
he doesnt usually ask

i said i want snow
a real fire
to walk till my legs fall off
and it just to be him & i

we have never had a christmas just teh 2 o fus
pre children we did the parents thing
now our children are older teens

selfish or not
have your christmas alone, just the 2 of you
i am lucky, i can say i am happy and am contented

but i would have loved a christmas just the 2 of us, before we had children

TimBear

I don't think it's selfish at all! If that's what you'd like to do then so be it.

Although I love my family, I find Christmas day really boring! There are no kids in the family now to make it 'special' so it's just us sitting in our lounge watching telly...not overly exciting! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it to a point but I think a lot of Christmas is just forced and there are times I'd rather just spend the day at home with my OH instead of going to my parents with my siblings.

LalaGomay

We've never done the 'going off to visit people' thing in our family. Christmas day has always been strictly immediate family only. No visiting.
So for me that's normal.

So if me and my boyfriend wanted to start spending it alone, I think my parents would totally understand.

I happen to prefer being at the family home over Christmas though, and my boyfriend goes to his family home. This is only our 3rd Christmas as a couple though. If we ever get married and have a house of our own, I'm sure I'll be much more inclined to start our own 'family' Christmas just the two of us!

split_second

what works for you is fine- in my fiance's family there is loads of going round and visiting, in my family there is virtually none.

christmas eve will this year involve going to fiance's mum's grave, seeing my mum at her house and then round to fiance's sister's place, for christmas with all the family, there will be a total of 10 of us (fiance has 3 sisters)

christmas day is much quieter, back to fiance's sisters for the morning (we unwrap ouir presents to eachother first of course), mum has made arrangements as she lives alone (we offered but circumstances are complicated), so we dont know if dad will be joining us or not- depends how the next 3 weeks pan out i guess

Wiggly_2

Before we had our own house we used to spend Christmas Day with our respective parents and then he'd come over to see me in the evening. When we got our own place we did the whole alternate parents thing for a few years but then decided just to stay home by ourselves. The parents were surprised but at the same time fully understood what we wanted and were fine about it. At least they never let on if they were upset! We now go to whoever's house we want, if we fancy and always have Boxing Day at our house whilst everyone else gets together again elsewhere. It's lovely. Don't feel quilty, you aren't being selfish and just because it's a tradition to go to one or the others parents, sometimes these traditions need to be changed and just because you stay home this year doesn't mean you always have to. I hope you enjoy yourselves and manage to do what YOU want!

Lunar_Eclipse

bride2be2012 wrote: »

Are we being totally selfish? A few friends I've spoken to about it all looked at me in horror when I said we won't be going to my mums (my folks live about 15 mins away from us) on Xmas Day - is it really so wrong to want to spend a couple of days t

Yes, by definition you are definitely being selfish, yet that doesn't mean you're being unreasonable or doing anything wrong.

If that's how you both honestly want to spend Christmas, then go or it. Personally I wouldn't choose to spend Xmas without more family/friends around since I don't think it would feel much different to any other day in the year, but I know we don't all think in the same way. I think an ideal compromise is to spend most of the day together and then join family for a celebratory meal and evening of games etc.

Eating_Daisies

I may am not be the best person to comment as I elected to spend a Christmas Day on my own as I'd rather do that spend it with my family! (I had a lovely, but slightly boring, day!)

But If I were you I would do whatever my OH & I wanted to do on Christmas Day and ignore everyone else - they've had their first Christmases together & spent them however they spent them!

My family live to far away to visit and my MIL works all day Christmas Day and my FIL & step MIL have never spent Christmas Day with my OH so we've had the last few by ourselves; then had MIL over (or gone to hers) for boxing day & then had a meal with FIL the day after. I normally have a meal with my parents & sister the weekend before Christmas but won't be doing that this year, although I am going to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park with my sister the Friday before - so excited! This year I'm working anyway so we are postponing our Christmas Day to Boxing Day & spending it with MIL - this will be the first year since I left home that I haven't cooked a Christmas dinner!! I normally do three! I'm very clear that once we have children we will be having Christmas at home & I will be asking MIL to stay Christmas Eve day & night so that she gets to share the Christmas morning with them too. I've always felt very strongly that you should do what makes you happy as it would be miserable for everyone to have someone there that doesn't want to be!! (I've had those looks from people though when I say I 'just' stay at home!)