Problems @ nursery?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

barbiedoll wrote: »

I know, as you say, that kids will be kids but this is unacceptable. Take photos of your daughter's injuries and escalate your complaint. Keep everything in writing, keep to the facts (don't include stuff about other kids in the family biting DD etc, they will think that's where she's getting ideas from :mad:) but do state that you have photographed the bruises etc and that you want action taken, specifically, that the boy's parents are informed/involved too.

I know that nursery staff are low-paid with respect to other professions but if your daughter is in a nursery, I daresay that you are paying quite good money to keep her there. They have a duty of care towards her, they are clearly not fulfilling their part of the contract. You really need to take this higher.
Good luck.

Unfortunately they know my niece bites as she goes to that nursery - luckily (?) niece has only bit family members

That's the thing that's riled me - well obviously I'm mad DD is being bullied - but to not involve his patents (i did ask 2 days ago for the patents to be told) its like they don't take me/dd seriously

rachbc

i would compain to ofsted-on the basis that the bullying hasn;t been dealt with BUT more importantly the lack of vigilance in a situation know to be volatile - if so many incidents aren't seen they clearly aren't watching the kids enough

susancs

The Nursery has a duty to log any marks they notice on your child in the First Aid/incident book as per child protection guidelines. Nurseries log if a child has scratches, bruises etc on entry even when they receive an explaination. This incident log should be monitored for a variety of reasons not just child protection such as checking there is not a common area or piece of equipment where accidents happen. They have a duty to keep your child safe and obviously if your daughter has been physically hurt for 3 months this is unacceptable. You really need to ask for a copy of their behaviour management policy and how they have addressed the incidents you have raised previously and how they plan to ensure your daughters safety in future. I would mention that you are so concerned that you want it logged as a formal complaint in their register and want a copy of their complaints policy. Make them aware that you will escalate it to OFSTED if your daughter is not better protected from harm, whilst in their care.

meritaten

You say that a chain nursery has recently taken over? do they have a website? if so, there may well be a mission statement, and more importantly, either you can read the complaints procedure online, or there will be a way to contact the right person!
you also say that its only recently you have had problems? In the run up to sale of the nursery to them? could be the staff have been 'promised' their jobs are safe and they are becoming complacent!

Mimi - I have read your posts and I know you must be very, very concerned right now. you are right to be - something has gone wrong at the nursery and you ARE being 'fobbed off'.
Nurseries have a duty of care to your child - but your dd is coming home injured and complaining of being bullied and nothing is being done!

Loulou2010

from a nursery point of view, its a difficult situation. in terms of dealing with behaviour there is only so much you can do. i have looked after some awfully behaved children in my time. for example we had twin boys who were aggressive, rude, had no respect for anything etc. whilst we did our very best to put an end to it, they didnt have the consistency at home so it just didnt have the desired effect. we would talk to the their parents who stand there and tell them off and then hand them a packets of sweets walking out of the door.

when those particular boys were in, we would try everything to get an extra pair of hands to help. obviously that wasnt always possible. they needed constant one to one to avoid them hurting other children or even each other.

at 4 the children will tell parents who did what etc. the same names will crop up. and sometimes even when they have done nothing wrong.

i would ask for a meeting with the manager and the room leader. outline your concerns and come up with an action plan. ask for your daughter to be in a different key group to the child etc. ask what they are doing to monitor the situation. ask to see th nursery policy on dealing with behaviour and if you dont agree that it is being followed then say so. then say you will review in 2weeks or so otherwise you will take it to the next step ie official complaint

thorsoak

Now I apologise in advance if this is not the "done thing" - but as you are in the later stages of pregnancy, are you not working at the moment? If not, why not pull DD out of the nursery for the time being and keep her home with you, before baby comes along?

This is what we did in the late 60s/70s, but appreciate that it may no longer be seen to be correct.

meritaten

thorsoak wrote: »

Now I apologise in advance if this is not the "done thing" - but as you are in the later stages of pregnancy, are you not working at the moment? If not, why not pull DD out of the nursery for the time being and keep her home with you, before baby comes along?

This is what we did in the late 60s/70s, but appreciate that it may no longer be seen to be correct.

thorsoak - whether or not the OP is working - her dd WAS enjoying nursery until recently. I also think that keeping the child at home now - where she could miss her friends and the routine of nursery may be a mistake.
Some nurserys are also 'feeders' for particular infant schools - so it may be important that she stays in order to get into a particular school.
and why should Mimi's little one be the one to stay home? its not her fault that she is getting hurt! isnt it better that the nursery sort this out!

Its not that I disagree with the thinking thorsoak - I too think that nursery is not the way I brought my kids up - they started school at four and even though my dd would have enjoyed nursery (being a very outgoing social child) my sons would have struggled. but then - my OH worked full time, I worked only part-time hours and only then if OH was available to look after them. which meant I worked a lot of evening jobs!
Times change and many parents are single and HAVE to work - others cannot manage on one wage, and the only jobs available are in daytime!

WeBeBroke

thorsoak wrote: »

Now I apologise in advance if this is not the "done thing" - but as you are in the later stages of pregnancy, are you not working at the moment? If not, why not pull DD out of the nursery for the time being and keep her home with you, before baby comes along?

This is what we did in the late 60s/70s, but appreciate that it may no longer be seen to be correct.

It's probably not that it's seen to be correct - but good childcare places are like gold-dust and you lose it if you take your child out. From what I understand the OP doesn't have any choice and will use the nursery as wrap-around care when her daughter starts school?

Mimi I really sympathise, I had the same problem with my son in a nursery which was, similar to yours, a really lovely small nursery taken over by a large group. Standards definitely dropped. There was a boy who kept bullying all children, we knew who it was but the staff would never admit that it was him. However, they did send injury reports home and would only state that he was hit by another child. It was always the same one. I confronted them at every meeting and in despair I just told my boy to hit back. To my infinite satisfaction I called at the nursery one day for my son, watched while he was pushed over by the brat, and saw him give him a wallop back on the arm.
Also, and I'm not proud of this, when i was collecting him again, the brat gave my son a violent shove to the ground in front of me. The nursery teachers didn't even notice so I bent down in front of him, put on my scariest psycho-killer voice and told him never to touch my son again or he'd regret it:o. It was very childish of me but I couldn't resist - and I suppose it was better than boxing his ears......which I was itching to do..

Anyway, my son is 8 now and has no memory of it - he's a happy little boy in a nice school. Unfortunately you will always come up against children like this - no matter how good the school - but I'm a firm believer in teaching your child to stand up for himself. I don't mean them to go around hitting children (unless in self-defence) but they need to be able to stand their ground and also not be afraid to tell the teacher when they or themselves are being bullied. Teachers/nursery staff can't be everywhere and bullies use this to their advantage.

Sorry for long post but it really struck a chord with me. My second son is another kettle of fish - honestly the child has told so many stories about me and other people I don't know what to believe from him! I'm genuinely afraid one day I'll get a knock on the door from social services. I'm hoping that with such an imagination he'll be a writer......:D

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I willl try to reply to everyone - thank you all for your replies - apologies if i miss anyone

susancs: RE: Accident book - Do you know if i am entitled to a copy of her reports? we never get given a copy - it's all kept at nursery.

Meritatan: Have had a look on the new peoples website and it doesnt say anywhere about the complaints proceedure - it just says "how to contact us" and that in DD's room the ratio of staff to children is 1:8. There is a very small section that says

To promote certain values i.e. sharing, co-operation and the ability to learn from and accept others

I guess bullying falls under the "accepting" part of that?

Loulou2010: I appreciate it must be difficult for the nursery, which is why in all honesty i havent gone in guns completely blazing (yet) but as of yet, they havent actually even spoken to the childs parents (Which narked me as I got told about DD yesterday!) I dont like to think im a gremlin parent! In all honesty there has only been 2 other issues with staff the whole time DD was has been there - one was that they was constantly putting barrier cream on her when she was in a nappy which actually brought her out in a rash even though i asked them not to, and the other time was when DD was being potty trained she was coming home with marks in her underwear where they hadn't wiped her properly (Or checked she had wiped herself) and one day it was REALLY bad (Nursery told me DD had gone herself and didnt tell staff she was of to the loo) and i complained then. I just dont see why, if I'm getting told about DD - They arent telling the other parents of this boy. It's almost like they are "sticking" up for them IYKWIM

Thorsoak: Thats fine honestly - There are a few reasons I dont want to pull DD whilst on maternity leave (If i can help it) In the long run it's mainly because we live in the middle of no where we are only actually in one school catchment area and the school REALLY isnt any good. We have applied for another school which this nursery does a school run to - the other nursery she could potntially go to doesnt do a school run. When i go back to work I need to be leaving the house at 7:30am, the nursery is on route to my work (and open at that time) and the idea is that both children are in the same place for drop off / pick up (more for convieniance for me but also they will get home quicker at night and can do things like have tea, a bath etc without them being up too late) If i remove DD out of this nursery whilst on Mat leave there is no guarantee she will have a place when i return to work, if i have to drop DD off at school at 9am then i wont actually get to work until gone 11am and although my work is brilliant, they wont be too happy about it. In the short term - My kids have different dads - DD's father isnt interested in seeing her and my OH doesnt live with us as we live quite far away from his work (he doesnt drive) and we're in the middle of no where so there is only 1 bus every 2 hours. He does however, come home at weekends. The plan is whilst DD is at nursery (She only goes 3 days), I will bond with the baby, When DD is at home the other 2 days - this will be DD and baby's bonding days and our "mummy and us" day's, at the weekend, OH can bond with the baby but i will focus primarily on DD (Obviously OH will bond with both kids these day's but i can take DD out - to a play centre for example - so she doesnt get "pushed out") The other advantage is that I have a few health complications and unfortunatley will be needing to stay in hospital once the baby is born for observations because of my medication but also have a few appointments after for various check ups (Currently I'm at hospital nearly every 2 weeks) It's just easier to go to without having a bored 4 year old (I can be there from anything from 3 hours, to the full day at the moment) The only other childcare I have is my parents - who have custody of my toddler niece. Although they did an amazing job bringing up me and my siblings they are older now and do struggle with the toddler - I really dont want to put added pressure on them by asking them to have DD also.

webebroke its getting to the point where im tempted to have a talk with the mum myself but then if nursery isnt going to agree there is a problem she probably wont actually be all that bothered IYSWIM

Loulou2010

They arent telling the other parents of this boy. It's almost like they are "sticking" up for them IYKWIM

the staff cant be expected to tell you that information. that will probably just say that it is being monitored or they are aware of the situation etc. its not because they dont care but they arent allowed to say too much. plus chances are you are the 10th parent to come in that day and complain about the child. it really is a difficult situation.

another thought to be considered is that the staff know more about the child's background. there could be SEN behind them, a troubled homelife... none of which the staff can share with you.

telling your child to hit back wont help the situation at all. chances are the child who is hurting her has learnt to do it discreetly and when when your daughter hits back, she'll get seen.

hope it gets resolved soon