Problems @ nursery?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Sorry this is so long!

DD has been attending a day nursery since she was a year ish old. She' now 4. Never had any issues with bullying etc until a few months ago.

2 boys attacked DD - Boy1 scratched DD all over her back and arms, so DD told the teacher. Teacher told the boy it was wrong. Boy2 (Who is boy1's relative) then punched DD near her eye for telling on boy1.

Teacher didnt see this and nothing was done - it was DD's word against the boys - even though DD had a bruise teacher said it could have happened another way

(just to add - I'm putting "teacher" but there are actually 3 different teachers in DD's "room")

Anyway - this was a few months ago - since then boy1 has constantly been hitting DD - every time i speak to the teachers i get told "But we didnt see so we cant accuse" - even get this excuse off management

Have told DD to stay away from him etc - When DD told the teacher1 she didnt want to play with the boy1 the teacher1 said DD must play with everyone. I told DD just to move away from him if he goes near her. She did - and teacher told her off.

Anyway - 2 days ago I pick DD up and she told me boy1 had kicked her in the face whilst she was sat playing with a toy - I asked if she had told the teacher2 and she replied she never as it had just happened. I spoke to the teacher2 who again said "but we never saw it but yes both kids were together" so I spoke to management who said they would speak to staff.

Took DD - and very naughty - told her that if he hit her, she was to hit him back but I explained we dont hit first etc (Am sick of her telling teachers and nothing being done)

Today - picked DD up from nursery - teacher3 pulls me to one side. DD has been annoying the boy - And that when the boy has been going near DD she has been shoving him away from her. I explained that I told DD to hit him back if he touches her, Teacher3 said "I know, she told me you said that and we arent happy about it - We dont accept violence at this nursery" (HA!) I explained what had happened the other day - Teacher 3 says that teacher 2 never told me that the two children were together (So effectively - im a liar)

Teacher3 said that she didnt see boy1 do anything other than go near DD, when she looked again DD had annoyed him (She didnt say how DD had annnoyed him) I've spoke to DD and she says that the boy kept following her around but that she never did anything to him.

I know kids will be kids and I do know DD can be a pain at times but she has never ever hurt another child (Even when my niece bites DD, DD will not retaliate) so I dont believe for a second DD is the one who ALWAYS starts it.

To me, the teachers has basically said that DD deserves to be scracthed/punched/kicked because she "annoys" him at times and whats really annoyed me is that I've been told about this incident today - yet nothing has been said to the boys mother for all the nastiness the past 3 + months.

DD has been having nightmares, doesnt want to go to school, tells people who ask her that she "doesnt like school because the bad boy keeps hitting me" Teacher3 says DD is happy at nursery so i dont know what to believe

I'm probably more emotional than normal (Baby number 2 due soon and am protective of DD - but arent we all lol)

I dont know what to do - on one hand DD is coming home covered in brusies, scratches etc and telling me this boys done it, on the other hand i have the teacher saying "But we didnt see him do anything"

Any suggestions on what to do. Teacher3 said she will "Monitor the situation" (Although they have been "monitoring" it for 3 + months now!!) and that they would speak to all the kids about "being kind"

Just sick of paying the nurseery for DD to be cared for only for her to keep coming home injured (I have considered moving nursery but as mentioned - it was a BRILLIANT nursery until just recently and it appears to be just this one child) - the care for DD was brill, they've taught her so much, she has her friends there etc and she was a very happy little girl there. Should add - this boy isnt someone who has "moved up" with the rest of the kids, he only recently started at the nursery

grey_lady

Personally I would go down their formal complaints procedure route now - you've tried sorting it out informally more than once and aren't happy. I would also be explaining to their manager that if it isn't sorted out satisfactorily then the next incident will trigger a phone call to Ofsted. Because at the minute, it sounds like you feel they are fobbing you off and hoping that you will go away - as you said, you know when kids are just being kids and it sounds like you feel there's more to it.

marywooyeah

I wouldnt stand for that, she's obviously being bullied by these boys and they are turning a blind eye to it. If it was me I would have pulled her out before now - is there not another nursery she can go to? I understand that perhaps you may have to use that one due to location etc.

I also would phone OFSTED, this has been going on for far too long. how old are the nursery staff roughly? I had to complain at my son's nursery about a girl who was only around 19, I've noticed that many nursery staff seem to be quite young which although shouldn't necessarily be indicative of how good they are with kids I can't help noticing a correlation sometimes.

epsilondraconis

marywooyeah wrote: »

I also would phone OFSTED, this has been going on for far too long. how old are the nursery staff roughly? I had to complain at my son's nursery about a girl who was only around 19, I've noticed that many nursery staff seem to be quite young which although shouldn't necessarily be indicative of how good they are with kids I can't help noticing a correlation sometimes.

The reason a lot of nusery staff are young is simply because the wages are so poor in that profession. The problem is that everyone wants cheap child care and yet no one is willing to pay top dollar for it. It's a very competitive market and so they have to keep costs down.

OP, I would recommend going through the complaints procedure at the nursery before contacting ofsted. Have a meeting with the nusery manager, explain the situation and ask what she will be doing to resolve the situation.

Is it an independent nursery or part of a larger chain? If you are unhappy about the way it is handled by the nursery manager, contact the nursery head office / ofsted.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

It was a independent nursery up until a month ago then we has a letter sent home on the Friday saying they had sold it and new owners were taking over on the Monday - its now a chain. I haven't met the new owners yet - they have 3 other nurseries.

She starts a school nursery in jan, but will still need to attend this one for 1.5 days. The only other day nursery nearby is on a major main road and when I viewed it I really didnt like it due to the location - unfortunately we live in the middle of nowhere so not much choice and as I mentioned, shes been happy here for a while its just recently and they do school runs which not many places do

I guess I wanted reassurance I'm not "wrong" for complaining, its like they don't believe DD and I feel wrong for complaining, like I'm just being OTT about it. I know all kids will fall out at some point - but why tell DD off today yet let the boy off with it for 3 + months?

I don't know what the procedure is for complaints is with It being a new owner - management haven't been doing the Jon for long - few months. I assume though they will use today as a response saying DD starts it. I guess I could reply that we haven't had a problem for the 3 years she's been there.

meritaten

Mimi, how awful for you and your daughter!
I would suggest arranging a meeting with the nursery manager ASAP.
At that meeting you detail the dates (approx if you dont know) when your child has been hurt -it may help if you go back to some of your threads on here and get the dates off them.
you explain that you are not getting satisfactory answers from the staff 'It could have happened another way' is definately not satisfactory!
You ask your dd when the latest incident happened - I know she wont have an idea about the time but she WILL know if it happened in the morning or after lunch and before or after snack time.
Then you ask the nursery manager if they have a camera located in the 'room' - if so then you and the manager could check it around the time dd indicates. with a bit of luck it will show what your dd, the boys and the STAFF were doing!
I would be surprised if the nursery DIDNT have a camera - I thought most private nurseries had them these days even just to cover their A$$$ for any incidents!
good luck Mimi - I do hope this gets sorted out soon - your poor dd must be really unhappy!

you posted while I was still typing my reply - but, from what you say if the manager is still the same then my post still applies.
btw the manager can inform you of the correct complaints procedure. It doesnt matter who owns it - the nursery must comply with regulations and there must be a complaints procedure! which you DO need to know and follow or Ofsted wont even accept your complaint.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

The manager gives me the 'ill speak to staff' excuse and doesn't really get involved. No cameras unfortunately - last incident was 2 days ago when he kicked her - all others are put in accident book but it is never filled out right. For instance the punch was put as "unknown injury" so now wonder how many "falls' have been because he pushed her etc.

Not really seen much of staff behaviour in room but at playtime they all group together and talk - if kids go round the corner the staff wouldn't see them

meritaten

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

The manager gives me the 'ill speak to staff' excuse and doesn't really get involved. No cameras unfortunately - last incident was 2 days ago when he kicked her - all others are put in accident book but it is never filled out right. For instance the punch was put as "unknown injury" so now wonder how many "falls' have been because he pushed her etc.

Not really seen much of staff behaviour in room but at playtime they all group together and talk - if kids go round the corner the staff wouldn't see them

That is not acceptable Mimi - make a 'proper' appointment with the manager, tell her that the staff do not appear to be vigilant with the children as in 'X' number of incidents, they claim they did not see what happened! say also, that you have observed the staff chatting amongs themselves and not watching the children at playtime!

also complain that the accident book is NOT filled in correctly - A court would jump all over them for putting 'unknown injury'! That is a totally meaningless statement! and you want the incident reported correctly as 'DD claims she was punched in the face causing an actual bruise near her eye'!

I dunno Mimi - the more you say about this nursery - the more I think that its sloppily run!

barbiedoll

I know, as you say, that kids will be kids but this is unacceptable. Take photos of your daughter's injuries and escalate your complaint. Keep everything in writing, keep to the facts (don't include stuff about other kids in the family biting DD etc, they will think that's where she's getting ideas from :mad:) but do state that you have photographed the bruises etc and that you want action taken, specifically, that the boy's parents are informed/involved too.

I know that nursery staff are low-paid with respect to other professions but if your daughter is in a nursery, I daresay that you are paying quite good money to keep her there. They have a duty of care towards her, they are clearly not fulfilling their part of the contract. You really need to take this higher.
Good luck.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lol I know it sounds terrible but honestly it was never ever like this until recently.

will ring tomorrow - thanks!

go_cat

Does the nursery have an anti bullying policy ?

MY DS had issues with a particular boy in his last few months at nursery who would always annoy him follow him scratch him etc it wasn't until i made the mistake of inviting this child to DS party and saw for myself how bad he was and his violent tendancies!

I actually spoke to his mum and told her she needed to control him and discipline him... i also made sure my ds keyworker at nursery knew of the issues and she did her best to separate them.

It did get a bit better but i was lucky as nursery took it seriously.

They both went to separate school in september and I have now heard that this child is now being bullied himself ( I do not condone bullying but a part of me is glad he is getting a dose of what he gave out to my son!)

Complain complain complain!