Grandmother adding me to her will?!

Bufger

My Grandmother is widowed and has 4 children, 3 boys and my mum and 10 grandchildren.

2 of her sons never bother with her. 1 of them after a fall out and the other is just never bothered (she gets a £10 asda gift card at christmas some years but not always). My mum and her eldest brother bother with my grandma loads, always taking her out, having her round for tea and generally involving her in our family lives. After my grandfather died my Grandma moved closer to our family home and as a result it means that we always got to see her more than everyone else in the family. The others are between 10 and 40 minutes drive away at the most.

Over the last 5 years my brother and I have done a few little odd jobs around the house, give her and her mate a lift to Bingo or Asda if its cold out or she has alot of shopping to bring back (whenever she asks basically) and now we've moved out we still invite her to our houses.

Now she's fairly old and hasnt done her will for a long time. She told me last week that shes taken 2 of her sons out of her will and added in my brother and I. This is for a share of the sale of all items she wants sold including her house. My mother gets the bigger share, my uncle the next and then my brother and i equally.

Some people may think 'woohoo!' but i dont want my grandmas money. I'd be happy to have any possessions she treasures the most and pass them on through the family but this will undoubtedly leave my two uncles very upset AND the worst part would be that the other grandchildren would definately resent us. The uncles im not so worried about but the grandchildren i do because they do love her and see her at family do's but the reason they dont see her as much is because they dont live as close and as a result she probably isnt in their thoughts as much. (they're 16-27 so they have more things on their mind! which i completely understand). I also dont need the money, im lucky enough to have a well paid job as does my wife. My cousins have varying levels of money issues and some of them could easily do with it more than me.

How do i reject this offer without upsetting people? Can i reject it if she refuses to change it? i will pay any costs of changing it again no problem.

Has anybody else been in a similar situation? how did it all work out for you?

Person_one

You can't reject it, she can do what she wants.

However, you could chat to her and say that while you are touched, the new will would actually make life very awkward for you after she dies and because you'd be upset enough already you don't really want to have to deal with the extra stress. Try telling her that you'd consider it a favour and a gesture just as meaningful as the will if she kept things the same and didn't put you in this tricky position.

You could try and convince her to leave it all to the cat's home, then everybody just has to get on with it afterwards!

If she does leave you the money there's nothing to stop you splitting it up and dividing it between all the grandchildren to prevent any ill-feeling.

onlyroz

It's not an "offer", and no you shouldn't reject it. It is her own choice to leave her money to whoever she pleases. If you don't want the money then give it to charity.

mgdavid

Just off the top of my head - you could try just once to persuade gandma that she should leave it evenly split among all 4 on grounds of fairness, but if she is adamant then respect her wishes and accept the will change. After she is no longer with us, then you have the option to be generous to your cousins. Either distribute your share evenly, or quietly keep it back as a 'family emergency pot' which you can draw from if/when any of the uncles & cousins need a bit of help.
BTW£ what does your brother think, is he in the same fortunate position as yourself?

pinkclouds

I am not one to advocate deceit but... under the circumstances, if the will is changed, a "little white lie" after the event - along the lines of "Grandma asked me to personally distribute x amount of the estate to you, her beloved grandchildren" - could be a peaceful solution.

When my Grandma died, a small part of her estate was specifically used to buy small pieces of jewellery to be distributed amongst her grandchildren as a memento. It was done informally - I'm not even sure if there was a will. Tbh, I think my Grandma was too ill to think of something like that but it was done anyway and I'm sure she would have approved. She was too far away to visit (a hair under 10,000 miles, I'd estimate) but I did, and still do, think of her frequently. It makes me happy that I received something to remember her by when she died because she was dear to me. I agree that your Grandma's grandchildren will feel hurt to be ignored but it won't take much to fix, if you have a sizeable bequest of your own. It's never about the money - it's about the emotion. A little something to each of them, and a few carefully chosen words, and I'm sure they will be touched. They don't need to know exactly what the will said.

RAS

Bufger wrote: »

My Grandmother is widowed and has 4 children, 3 boys and my mum and 10 grandchildren.

2 of her sons never bother with her. 1 of them after a fall out and the other is just never bothered (she gets a £10 asda gift card at christmas some years but not always). My mum and her eldest brother bother with my grandma loads, always taking her out, having her round for tea and generally involving her in our family lives. After my grandfather died my Grandma moved closer to our family home and as a result it means that we always got to see her more than everyone else in the family. The others are between 10 and 40 minutes drive away at the most.

Over the last 5 years my brother and I have done a few little odd jobs around the house, give her and her mate a lift to Bingo or Asda if its cold out or she has alot of shopping to bring back (whenever she asks basically) and now we've moved out we still invite her to our houses.

Now she's fairly old and hasnt done her will for a long time. She told me last week that shes taken 2 of her sons out of her will and added in my brother and I. This is for a share of the sale of all items she wants sold including her house. My mother gets the bigger share, my uncle the next and then my brother and i equally.

Some people may think 'woohoo!' but i dont want my grandmas money. I'd be happy to have any possessions she treasures the most and pass them on through the family but this will undoubtedly leave my two uncles very upset AND the worst part would be that the other grandchildren would definately resent us. The uncles im not so worried about but the grandchildren i do because they do love her and see her at family do's but the reason they dont see her as much is because they dont live as close and as a result she probably isnt in their thoughts as much. (they're 16-27 so they have more things on their mind! which i completely understand). I also dont need the money, im lucky enough to have a well paid job as does my wife. My cousins have varying levels of money issues and some of them could easily do with it more than me.

How do i reject this offer without upsetting people? Can i reject it if she refuses to change it? i will pay any costs of changing it again no problem.

Has anybody else been in a similar situation? how did it all work out for you?

Are you aware of the possibility of a deed of variation of the will?

Even if your gran cuts her 2 sons and their children out, those to whom she leaves money can agree to reverse her actions and share the money out between everyone any time up to 2 years after her death.

Obviously it means everyone agreeing but that might be possible.

onlyroz

It really is up to Granny, and, unless there's reason to suspect she is being manipulated or isn't mentally competent, her wishes should be respected.

serious_saver

How you approach this really does depend on your grandmother's personality. It sounds like she knows her own mind so you are probably just better off just explaining the situation. She obviously wants to express her gratitude and love so it may be worth going in and asking for something else. That way you are not rejecting her kindness but asking for it to be shown in another way. If there is a a particular piece of furniture/jewellery etc you could ask for that as a way to remember her.

If she does decide to exclude specific relatives it is incredibly important for her to specifically refer to this in her will. If she simply leaves their names off they may well have an opportunity to contest the will and the only people to gain will be the solicitors.

Bufger

mgdavid wrote: »

Just off the top of my head - you could try just once to persuade gandma that she should leave it evenly split among all 4 on grounds of fairness, but if she is adamant then respect her wishes and accept the will change. After she is no longer with us, then you have the option to be generous to your cousins. Either distribute your share evenly, or quietly keep it back as a 'family emergency pot' which you can draw from if/when any of the uncles & cousins need a bit of help.
BTW£ what does your brother think, is he in the same fortunate position as yourself?

He is in the same position but we havent yet discussed it. I've spent this last week thinking about it and the possible scenarios afterwards. To be perfectly honest ive spent far too long thinking about it..

Your emergency pot idea is a good one. I will discuss it with grandma again and then leave it up to her.

Bufger

I love the idea of the jewelry to remember her by. That is what i will do! All of my cousins would really love their own personal token. I will explain this one to her and see if she would be happy with this - i expect she would.

Errata

Just make sure that your gran has remade her will properly, so it's legal, and hasn't done a DIY will and got it worng, or even worse - has had her new will written by a dodgy willmaking firm.