Carer's Allowance etc ...

margaretclare

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Yes, I mean attendance allowance the over 65's version of DLA, I reached this conclusion when the OP sated that they are both on high rate of it, there is no High rate of carers allowance so has to be attendance allowance.

I agree, needs must, and they need help, money arrangements come after, UNLESS you are an appointee (perhaps that would be a good idea for the future)

Have had another think about this. It seems to me that Grandad needs proper care, and because of Grandma's mindset and unwillingness to accept help, this cannot be done at home. Therefore, a proper assessment with a view to residential care. Grandma could go on living at home in the way that she wants to, and there would be no question of the house value coming into the equation. If both are on AA then this could carry on, at least for Grandma. People do get AA when they're living alone, the rules say you need care but you don't have to be actually getting that care, you can still get AA and it's there if you want to buy in help.

OneYorkshireLass

My dad's going to check whether it is AA or CA. Not sure how, but that's what he says.

Anyway, I agree that the money situation is not important at the moment. I just didn't want them to be fined or have the hassle of paying money back if they were claiming something they shouldn't.

I recently put their paperwork in order as it had been in a mess for a while. We didn't realise my gran was just ignoring it. They have money in different places and it looked confusing so my dad became an appointee with the bank (not 'power of attorney').
We've since found out that my grandad was canny with his money and had a number of shares in places. They have enough to buy a little bungalow where the situation would be much easier for both of them. However, my gran has flatly refused to move (the live in a really rough area, there's a flight of steps to both front and back doors which neither of them can manage well). My grandad doesn't get a say in it.

I cannot put into words how stubborn and selfish my gran is. She cares about no one but herself. I know that sounds awful, and I feel awful for saying it but it is true, and it's not because she's old - she's always been this way.

I, or someone, will get in touch with SS. I doubt that my gran will agree to this, but I suppose we have to try for my grandad's sake.

Torry_Quine

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

Apparently my gran keeps saying they both get CA at 'the highest rate'. I have looked for the paperwork but haven't yet found anything.

We now reckon that my gran gets a state pension, my grandad has a private one.

As other's have said this sounds like AA at highest rate which has no bearing on any pension.

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

My dad's going to check whether it is AA or CA. Not sure how, but that's what he says.

Anyway, I agree that the money situation is not important at the moment. I just didn't want them to be fined or have the hassle of paying money back if they were claiming something they shouldn't.

I recently put their paperwork in order as it had been in a mess for a while. We didn't realise my gran was just ignoring it. They have money in different places and it looked confusing so my dad became an appointee with the bank (not 'power of attorney').
We've since found out that my grandad was canny with his money and had a number of shares in places. They have enough to buy a little bungalow where the situation would be much easier for both of them. However, my gran has flatly refused to move (the live in a really rough area, there's a flight of steps to both front and back doors which neither of them can manage well). My grandad doesn't get a say in it.

I cannot put into words how stubborn and selfish my gran is. She cares about no one but herself. I know that sounds awful, and I feel awful for saying it but it is true, and it's not because she's old - she's always been this way.

I, or someone, will get in touch with SS. I doubt that my gran will agree to this, but I suppose we have to try for my grandad's sake.

Sadly what your gran wants may not be what's best for your grandad. His care needs to be a priority and SS are the best people to help here.

If you or your Dad can check bank statements it will help to determine what benefits they currently receive.

anmarj

for DWP side of things, somebody can be made an appointee to act on their behalf, this means that the dwp will communicate through them instead, this will involve visits to the prospective appointee and the person concerned. Just give the The Pension Service call and they can arrange it.

luxor4t

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

....I cannot put into words how stubborn and selfish my gran is. She cares about no one but herself. I know that sounds awful, and I feel awful for saying it but it is true, and it's not because she's old - she's always been this way......

Gran sounds like my MiL, who was recently diagnosed as suffering from a branch of the dementia family. Her particularly charmless personality was masking some of the symptoms and so the diagnosis has come too late for medication to halt the advance. Just a thought.
I hope you can sort something out for your grandad and gran, good luck.

margaretclare

I cannot put into words how stubborn and selfish my gran is. She cares about no one but herself. I know that sounds awful, and I feel awful for saying it but it is true, and it's not because she's old - she's always been this way.

When people become 'old' and also become unpleasant in various ways, selfish, downright rude, you name it, because the people have died and others not yet born to know them as they were in their prime, it is too easy to blame these nasty traits on 'old age'.

Bit of a diversion, but it's because I'm almost this age myself, I feel a bit sensitive about these things. My late MIL was an extremely difficult woman but when she developed dementia in the mid-1970s I used to be told this 'oh it's because she's old, that's how old people get, you have to make allowances...' I remembered her from a decade or so earlier when she had been equally difficult to deal with, but I didn't seem to be able to get that fact through to people around me, those do-gooders who thought I should give up my career/degree course to 'look after her'.

I have known many people who, in old age, were not like this. They were people it was a joy to meet. I watched a TV programme last evening called 'Unsung Town Revisited' and in that, a woman aged 88 was an enthusiastic member of the community choir set up by Gareth Malone. They learned Barber's 'Agnus Dei' to sing in St Albans Cathedral, and she'd never done any Latin. What a lovely woman and what an inspiration. It is NOT necessary to be like YorkshireLass's Grandma.

OneYorkshireLass

margaretclare wrote: »

When people become 'old' and also become unpleasant in various ways, selfish, downright rude, you name it, because the people have died and others not yet born to know them as they were in their prime, it is too easy to blame these nasty traits on 'old age'.

Bit of a diversion, but it's because I'm almost this age myself, I feel a bit sensitive about these things. My late MIL was an extremely difficult woman but when she developed dementia in the mid-1970s I used to be told this 'oh it's because she's old, that's how old people get, you have to make allowances...' I remembered her from a decade or so earlier when she had been equally difficult to deal with, but I didn't seem to be able to get that fact through to people around me, those do-gooders who thought I should give up my career/degree course to 'look after her'.

I have known many people who, in old age, were not like this. They were people it was a joy to meet. I watched a TV programme last evening called 'Unsung Town Revisited' and in that, a woman aged 88 was an enthusiastic member of the community choir set up by Gareth Malone. They learned Barber's 'Agnus Dei' to sing in St Albans Cathedral, and she'd never done any Latin. What a lovely woman and what an inspiration. It is NOT necessary to be like YorkshireLass's Grandma.

I watched the Gareth Malone programme last night too (he's lovely). I think the woman you are thinking of was called Kitty, and she was adorable. One of those cuddly grannies you read about and see on the telly. Sad that she died this year aged 91 - there was a notice at the end of the show.

My gran is mentally switched-on enough to put on an act when anyone such as social services go round. She says 'everything's fine' and 'we manage' and puts on this loving caring wife routine. Makes me sick to be honest. She then moans to me about everything she has to do because HE (my grandad) can't do anything now. She gets angry with him and it's really upsetting, but she will not accept help. Also, she cannot foresee the future. She's never planned for anything and so I dread the time when, if it does come, that we have to do something (such as move him) in a rush.

My mum, who's better at putting things into words on the phone, is contacting Age UK for advice. My dad is reluctant to get SS involved again (it's his parents, but he's as bad as my gran for sticking his head in the sand).

Thanks for all the suggestions
x

margaretclare

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

I watched the Gareth Malone programme last night too (he's lovely). I think the woman you are thinking of was called Kitty, and she was adorable. One of those cuddly grannies you read about and see on the telly. Sad that she died this year aged 91 - there was a notice at the end of the show.

I've known many people who were notable for living life to the full, right to the end. Old age did not become an excuse for unacceptable behaviour. My godmother was like this. She was just short of 90 when she died and I remember her with gratitude because, when DH and I first got together, unlike many of her generation she wasn't bothered about his divorce and the fact that we lived together for the first few years. She could see through to what really mattered - that he was a good man who loved me.

My gran is mentally switched-on enough to put on an act when anyone such as social services go round. She says 'everything's fine' and 'we manage' and puts on this loving caring wife routine. Makes me sick to be honest. She then moans to me about everything she has to do because HE (my grandad) can't do anything now. She gets angry with him and it's really upsetting, but she will not accept help. Also, she cannot foresee the future. She's never planned for anything and so I dread the time when, if it does come, that we have to do something (such as move him) in a rush.

My mum, who's better at putting things into words on the phone, is contacting Age UK for advice. My dad is reluctant to get SS involved again (it's his parents, but he's as bad as my gran for sticking his head in the sand).

Thanks for all the suggestions
x

It's quite possible that Grandad may have to be moved in a rush. This happened to the man who lives across from us. He's been going that way for some time now, every time we spoke to him either he couldn't understand us or we couldn't make any sense of what he said. He fell over and was admitted to hospital from where he didn't come home - he's in residential care now. I feel so sorry for his wife, I gave her a hug this morning when I was out in the garden and she got out of a car crying. She misses him so much. After 65 years not surprising.

OneYorkshireLass

margaretclare wrote: »

I feel so sorry for his wife, I gave her a hug this morning when I was out in the garden and she got out of a car crying. She misses him so much. After 65 years not surprising.

That's so sad. She has a nice neighbour in you.
My gran's not like that. When my grandad went into hospital for a while last year she thought having the house to herself was great, and dreaded going to see him in hospital.