A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

prepareathome

Mad I am so sorry you have had to give away your hens, I know how much you loved your girls - maybe they will suddenly find a cure for our 'laziness and you will able to have some more, never give up hope, been a long time for me to learn this, but am learning where there is life there is hope, hugs

Kidcat, poor aunt and poor you, can imagine it would be a shock, you cannot but help put people in a role, totally normal, and when they stop it you are heartbroken, but after 40 years it wouldn't be something you would expect and your aunt must not know if she is on her head or heels if she had no suspicions. I have a lazy leo and I think he would be to lazy to bother with another woman, but he is a man so I never would count it totally out, but actually if we split up it be me throwing him out, nearly did last year, and all due to his laziness. He was starting to get a bit better but couple of weeks ago was dx with Ankylosing spondylitis after I made him go to the doctor after moans for years. Thankfully not to bad and we are doing what we can ( well am trying ) to do damage control but now suddenly of course he cannot do anything because of the pain, only because he has a name for it. Even told me the other day I don't know what its like to be in constant pain, he nearly went then I tell you, even granddaughter who was here for the day looked at him and said 'Granddad you are joking' He knows full well I have been in pain every day since a car accident when I was 20 left me with neck problems, am sure everything i have now stems from that. I of course am doing what I do, fussing over him, making sure he takes his meds - or he will say shouldn't I be taking some meds which sitting watching tv and then wait for me to get them for him he cannot take anti-inflammatorys so trying him on a pine resin that is supposed to be good, not once in all the years I have been bad has he ever considered saying to me 'your in pain should I get your meds'.......so watch this space we might shock the family after 32 years. Ok still working but only 20 - 26 hrs a week so not exactly worked into the ground. His excuse now is pain is bad and if he does to much in the house he will not be able to work.......

Opps not meant to be a rant about him, but you never know what is going on in a family - to most people outside we are a happy long married couple.

GQ I went and had a look at the couch, lovely, I think I prefer it with plain back rather than all those buttons, our leather couches are plain ones. We don't have any cs that sell furniture not where we usually go for shopping anyway just clothes, household bits not even electricals, but I did get a beautiful bathroom cupboard a good few years ago, didn't want it for bathroom, no room in there for one but to keep my essential oils in as it has two doors that fit very well and made from some nice wood, not veneered and heavy wit mirrors on doors and only £5. The couch looks so comfy, can just imagine you sitting in there and not wanting to move off it. A nice woolly/fleecy throw over it for winter to stop it feeling chilly and cotton one for summer ( if it ever comes) to stop you sticking to it when to hot and you will be all set.

We actually has some sun about 7pm tonight for about 30 mins, although sky was still iron grey, but am hoping weather forecasts are right and it brightens up bit this week, be nice to actually seem my plants rather than the white ( well not looking quite so white now) fleece that is over everything.

Right off to bed as someone is coming to collect some of the turf I have have been removing, already given two lots away, and have another 3 people asked for it when I offered it again on Freecycle so first one will be here at 10am and if any left after she has gone will offer to next person to ask. Hoping someone says they really wish they could have more as I still have at least two more beds to dig out so if they did would offer them a spade and say help yourself hehehehehe.

Night night everyone.

BitterAndTwisted

I beg to differ. Back in the day (before The Flood) it was the girls who bleached their hair who were the real trollops. Now, every second woman is a tabby-cat blonde of some description. I couldn't be bothered with it, even if I wasn't a natural blondie, the price of the upkeep. EEEK! Now, a bleached-blonde with dark roots truly is trollop-looking. It must be like being a hamster on a wheel once you start

kidcat

Once again I am humbled by you all and your experiences, thank you for sharing.

Our trip today was lovely, I ended up taking my mum too, she has taken it badly so we collected her on the way past. I then came back with more energy so borrowed my dads lawnmower (ours is a petrol that I cant start, other one is old flymo that OH said I couldnt use as it doesnt collect the grass!!!) and managed to mow the front garden, then I made dinner and pressed on with jobs finally managing to get all the bikes back in the shed after OH took them out about a month ago and never put them back.

Have spoken to aunt and she is still very down and confused, she says they were no signs whatsoever and that the other woman is 20 years younger - trollop!! sorry.

I have told her I will visit this week to sort finances and insurance etc, I want to make sure he has no access to any accounts, seems quickest to open a new account and transfer funds out of old one.

Interesting how people judge you if you are not out drinking every weekend, we have never been able to do that, couldnt afford it for one, but no way I could get a sitter. We did start a dinner party rota with two other couples that were parents of DD17 friends, that has now fallen down as one of the couples has split up. I did enjoy it and am quite sad its gone.

The nice man selling plants at the national trust place today told me he thought the weather was due to pick up as the housemartins were nesting so do hope he is right. I bought four small tomato plants from him so am hoping to plant them up tomorrow.

GQ congrats on the sofa - I bought ours on Eb@y when DS8 was born, cost £50 and its still going, sofa cover zips are all going but other than that its fine. I however didnt take its full size into account and we ended up driving 50 miles twice with the back of the car half open to bring them home.

Byatt

Kidcat, I believe you can put a stop on the joint bank account. Not sure how it's done or what the proper word is, but my ex did it to me. I'm sure someone will know the proper name.

I know she may not feel up to it, but she needs to see a solicitor (most first 30 mins are free)...and someone should go with her. I know from experience you are so shocked that you can't cope with the practical things, but just because she has been married a long time, doesn't mean she will get a good outcome. How old is the Down's Syndrome daughter? Is the house bought/mortgaged or rented.

She will be down for a long time and probably will want him back no matter what. Honestly, when you've been with someone so long and then they cut themselves out of your life it is like a death. Not being able to talk to my ex was the hardest thing. I felt like my limb had been cut off.

It's brilliant you are offering practical help. I know I would have loved someone to do that for me.


Edit, remembered what I came in here for...DD just told me that her case was broken into and some of her meds taken (they must have known what they wanted as they only took an anxiety med, a months supply), plus a phone and jacket from other members of the family that were with her. DD's case is completely broken even though it was locked. Could have been anywhere from between the ship and the airport. I assume they should claim on their insurance but should anyone else be informed. Not sure why I am asking as it's not my problem really, other than DD needs her meds. Why does she tell me these things late at night!!

ginnyknit

5 years ago I was a redhead, working too hard and partying till I dropped. If my (ex) friend and I werent last on the dance floor at the rock club when the lights came on at 3 am there was something wrong. I was dropped by a lot of friends when they found out I had no money to party or go to gigs and wasnt on hand to rustle up Saturday night tea for 20 after working all day. All my goth gear went in the back of the wardrobe and I contented myself with looking after OH and crafting. You know something? I dont miss a minute of it and my true friends are still around. The red hair went when the money did and Im now perfectly grey. My idea of a perfect day is today, I had a lie in, did a bit of cleaning, cut down a conifer which had gone bendy then had a visit from Dd and Dgs. I may have no money, and a very poorly hubby but I am time rich. I cannot bear to think how much I would have missed if I was still working - I spent all of DD's pregnancy with her and love every minute with DGS. I also get to see my Mum lots more too. Ds still likes time with his Mum and I have been on hand through all his stresses which led him back home. Sometimes fate is kind in some ways.

Oh and my couch and chair came from CS via my Mum £50 - so comfy and looks pretty good too.

Shegar glad you got out for a while and are enjoying your gardening - hugs to you..and everyone else

kidcat

Byatt I helped my friend through a very messy divorce four years ago, so am well versed in the practicalities unfortunately. Thankfully the mortgage was paid off this month, and its tied up in trust to provide care when they die for their DD. I have asked her to get the trust papers out for me, I know he asked me last year to be named on the trust, their eldest DD has agreed to provide care but they wanted someone who would monitor money etc and keep eyes out. Obviously I will need to see the details and make sure its all watertight.

PAH- your OH sounds like he came from the same mould as mine, I think I shocked my mum yesterday when I announced that I was convinced that OH and I would be the most likely to split out of the family left. Take time for you PAH and dont let him take all your energies/time.

Byatt

As we are sharing sofa stories I will share mine. Since moving into my cottage I didn't have a sofa, but missed it terribly, especially for cuddles with pooch and for lying down when tired. So after realising I didn't need/want/could buy new, I decided I would get second hand. After making this decision, I just knew when I popped into the local recycling shop that I would find the perfect sofa. And I did, a lovely tartan 2 seater (originally M&S) and like new. It's in dark colours of green, red and blue with castors on the front. I saw it, and bought it for £95.

Byatt

Kidcat, hope I didn't over step the mark.

A good idea to check it's watertight. You just never know how a person will change when they have moved out. And who knows what the other woman will put him to. But maybe I need to step back. Can't judge everyone by my ex.

AdamBorzy

Byatt wrote: »

Kidcat You just never know how a person will change when they have moved out. And who knows what the other woman will put him to. But maybe I need to step back. Can't judge everyone by my ex.

In dealing with complicated and difficult relationship, many have moved on but will really take time.

[Deleted User]

It probably won't surprise anyone to know that as the lurcher grew, we found a lovely second hand 3 piece suite wide enough to cope with his long, gangly leggies and long squiggly nose to tail dimensions. We thought we would only keep it a little while as he would probably ruin it. Not so - everyone we have visit says how comfy it is and how well made so we will have it re-covered in the fullness of time as we can't find anything of its quality new!(at a price we're willing to pay that is!).