A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

fuddle

The grief I get from others about 'being old before my time' is just plain ridiculous. Mostly our family members really. The general opinion of us is that we're boring sat in our house every evening DH watching fishing, me sat crocheting, blankets on knees. We don't drink alcohol , well I don't, DH might if the occasion calls for it. My frugal ways were once open for discussion but that's gone since I fell off the wagon. I'm keeping schtum now I'm back on it purely for some peace! We're making ends meet. We're saving money so hopefully we can enjoy some family activities in the future. We are content. It might be boring (don't forget we have a young family too) but we're happy doing what we want to do.

My grey hairs are coming in fast and I'm only early 30's. That's open for discussion as I am choosing to just embrace my natural self. So what if I've got grey flecks. It doesn't make me unkempt. I'm a presentable lady, I'm just having to alter my colours as I go salt and pepper.

My wanting to sell my car is of great concern. I musn't I'd regret it. I can't help feel that others are bothered because it means they have to come see me. I've only had use of the car for 5 months and managed quite fine without it before hand. I think others have got used to me ferrying them round that they don't want to go back to using up their petrol etc. I'm happy in my home, with my kids, doing my chores, studying, walking my doggy, power walking and look forward to Saturday's out wandering the wilderness with DH. I don't need to be galavanting around in a car, shopping here and there.

All that doesn't make me old, nor boring, nor a hermit. It does make me a determined little miss who will succeed because I know what is important now.

That's what I'm dealing with right now. I'm fed up of it. I'm not boring. I have fight and a spark that they don't see because it doesn't interest them. Status is what interests them and because I don't subscribe to their feed I'm subjected to opinions that quite frankly get on my bluderly nerves!

I have glossing to do today and priming of a coffee table I have mangaged to pick up for zilch!

SDG31000

Morning All

I'm only on my first mug of Assam, so apologises if I don't make any sense (or even less than normal).

meme30 Thanks I would fill up your plate, but it was like a swarm of locusts going through the house. I cooked a pork shoulder joint that weighed about 7lbs before it's 7 hours in the oven and by the time the six males of the species had finished there was not one scrap of it left. Admittedly it was gorgeous stuff and three of them are teenagers, but I was expecting some of it to be left. I'll post the recipe later.

mardatha I'm sorry to hear about your chickens. I'm sure they have a good home and will be well looked after. Here's hoping the sun makes it through the clouds today. I'll get back to you about the soaps soon. I'm just waiting for DH to get paid

kidcat I hope you enjoy your trip out today

I've seen both of my DSs this morning so I know they are alive. I might see them again around lunch time or whenever they get hungry. The joys of having teenagers never start :rotfl:
DH is still in bed and I'm not sure when he will surface. It throws the whole day off as I can't even get dressed without waking him up. As fetching as I look wearing my pink flannel pjs I don't want to spend the day in them. I might make up a batch of pancake batter and see if that makes them emerge.

Take care everyone xxxx

[Deleted User]

Morning all, another lovely grey day here , not cold just grey. Took the lurcher out early( his suggestion, not mine) and definately needed a jacket and it was nice to get back for a coffee. GQ you are so right about contentment being more substantial than pursued happiness. I wonder how many of us ever come to that realisation. All the aspiring and getting and keeping up don't seem to make for a contented life as there always seems to be something else we are told is the thing that will make us happy, always travelling but never arriving. To be able to take stock of what you have done, what you have and what you are and feel some contentment is of more value than riches. Young FUDDLE has the right of it too, living within your means, not bowing to family and peer pressure to conform to thier idea of how it should be, deciding to be as nature intended you and not topped up with cosmetic cheating, all this certainly does NOT make you boring. What it does make you is a level headed person with more commonsense than most and someone who will succeed in life. You manage all this and are content - they'll never understand why but hats off to you girl!!!!! Have a good Sunday folks Cheers Lyn x.

Byatt

Kidcat, I suspect the reason your uncle wants to cut all ties is because he doesn't then have to face his guilt and shame. Much easier for him to act as if he didn't have a former life and start a brand new one. It's early days though, and I also suspect when the novelty wears off he may want to go back to his wife.

I have lived this and it will be incredibly painful and shocking for you all. I wish it was possible to ease the pain for you . It seems incredibly unfair that those that have gone through it, can't stop the pain for others or at least reduce it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I feel so sad for you and your family. All I can say is, find out about the process of bereavement because it will help make sense of your aunt's, her children, and the rest of the family's emotions.

Fuddle, I agree about contenment, my mother always used to say that peace of mind is more important than anything. I think that ties in with contenment nicely.

DD has had a great time from all accounts and I'm delighted.

ETA Fuddle, just want to say it is important in life to be true to yourself. I can say this with the benefit of age as losing myself by a slow process into believing that things/job position represented my value. Also, trying to please others or avoid conflict or settle for a way of life that is more theirs than yours is not a road to happiness. I am being true to myself for the first time in my life and it does bring peace. It took a long time coming so I admire your insight at such a tender age. If material things, things that seemingly have monetary value, bring happiness to a person than that's fine IMHO, but if they don't then there is no shame in wanting/needing/enjoying a lifestyle that is different to the norm. Don't look back on your life with, I wish I had done this or that...do it now.

Hobsons_Choice

GQ People are always stopping me and asking for directions as well, but I reckon it's because I have a face like a road map!

Last night we went to AN EVENT. On a Saturday. In the evening. Hasn't been know for the past twenty years or so probably. Anyways...it was the "Wings of Desire" event in Birmingham and was abso-bloody-lutely amazing!!!
Human "angels" illuminated standing on the roofs of buildings around Victoria Square, acrobats and dancers on stage, people abseiling down the Town Hall walls, Goldie doing the narration (I have no idea what the plot was) and culminating in Birmingham Town Hall being lit up with incredible projections, which made it look as though the columns were crumbling or imploding. And all for FREE!!! You'd have paid good money to see that and not begrudged a penny of it.
Well done, Brum (you won't hear me say that very often).
I think VJs Mum was going as well?
eta: The best things in life are free, they say. I am content, not at all boring (no matter what folk might say or think) just content in the winter of my years.

Rosetta92

mardatha wrote: »

Here you go - nekkid garden Dug early March, untouched since. RV just took this now

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mard_soap/7227594582/in/photostream

Mardatha Please share your magic weed clearing skills. I have a jungle of bramble and other horrors out the back and as the sun has appeared today I've run out of excuses to ignore it.

kidcat Sorry to hear your news. You are doing a great job with the practical support for your aunt. I hope some of your cousins are old enough to rise to the occasion and support their Mum. Make sure your aunt sees a good family lawyer and nails down the money immediately ie: get her share of joint accounts separated etc.

And if he comes crawling back later make sure she only agrees to it from a position of strength, not because she feels she has to.

Fuddle Your words are wise indeed. I suspect the comments from your family are because your example shows how shallow and worthless their approach to life is, and they secretly feel bad about it.

(((Hugs))) to all in need. Since I got back to work I tend to read the thread on my phone but haven't yet learned to post from it. But I'm with you all in spirit cheering you on.

R

jpscloud

Morning all, GQ and fuddle you have made my day! I'm also not interested in status and love my un-modernised, messy, in-need-of-repair house and little green corner of England with its couch grass (we call it scutch locally), dandelions and all.

When I plant something that does well, like the blackcurrant (it's loaded this year) and the rambling roses which look like they'll flower their little hearts out, or make a quilt or rag rug for the house, I feel so made up.

Byatt

Does the sight of one bee going under the eaves mean there may be more??

I thought at first it was a wasp and was ready with the spray can, when I recalled from here the many types of bees, and so it made me think it was a bee rather than a wasp. Problem is, it's right outside my back door (low eaves) and I'm allergic to bee stings.

What to do? Watch and wait?

GreyQueen

Hobsons_Choice wrote: »

GQ People are always stopping me and asking for directions as well, but I reckon it's because I have a face like a road map!QUOTE]:D It's happened all my life. I think it's because a) I look safe to approach and b) I look like I know where I'm going. The kicker is, it happens even when I'm in strange places inc foriegn parts. One time I was in my home city but walking up from the train station with a backpack on after a trip and yup, got asked directions. I could have hardly looked more like a tourist if I was trying.

I'm on tenterhooks at the moment. I have a small 3-seater leather sofa which I've had for about 8-9 years; a friend offered it to me as she was getting a new one. It was made in 1997 (it has a date stamp on the frame) and has done staunch service to both my pal and me. Howsomever, it really is going west and I've reluctantly come to the conclusion that I must replace it.

Cue much casting about as it's hard to get a 3-seater small enough for my tiny home; modern sofas are sooo humungous. I was a bit disappointed earlier this week when I spotted the perfect replacement in a c.s. but with a SOLD sticker on it. Cue big sighs and determination to carry on hunting. Then some little disciple of the Good Luck Fairy whispered in my ear; what about if the person changed their mind and it's still there?

So, this shop being open for a few hours on Sunday, I went in, could see it still towards the back, went forward and the SOLD sticker was gone. I asked and they'd held it for 2 days as per policy and the other person hasn't come back to them so it's back on sale.

:j I'm very happy as it is £110 and almost identical to the one I have (probably another DFS* job) except it's in as-new condition and brown rather than black. Only fly in the ointment is that they can only deliver on one day a week and I can't be here. SuperGran (friend and neighbour) has a regular church commitment on that day which she probably can't break (and I can't ask her cos she's out at church and then she goes for an outing with pals and might not be home til evening) so she may be able to do it. I may be able to get the time off w*rk, but I won't know until I ask on Monday, I may be able to get Mum and Dad to come up to the city ..............arrrrggghhhhh, I'm on tenterhooks, I tell you, tenterhooks.

I really want this sofa. If push comes to shove, I'll look at hiring a van for a few hours. The price is sweet and it fits my tiny room. It may be some considerable time before I luck onto something so suitable as my wants and the available space makes the sofa very specific and furniture in city centre charity shops sells v. quickly.

**and breathe**. OK, I have plans A thru to D, in ascending order of complexity and expense. I shall have that sofa one way or the other. Shop's only 5 mins walk away but it might as well be the opposite end of town...............

* stands for Dodgy Furniture Store, don'tcha know........

OK, have decided not to go to the lottie today. My flat is a tip and there's stuff I need to sort out before the work week, so will call it an at-home day and get on with it.


fuddle I like your style, hun. The lifestyle you describe as a couple with young children seems sane and sensible and would have been the norm a generation or two ago. People didn't always feel the need to behave like teenagers until they hit middle-age, and plenty of people love nothing more than a quiet life at home with their loved ones, doing quiet things.

I get happier as I get older as I think I was probably born middle-aged and am thus coming into my own. It's great, you can stop pretending to like things which you never liked anyway, but thought you were supposed to like because you were young and that was the sort of thing young people did. Like nightclubs. I loathe clubs as I hate loud music and drunken idiots and all the posturing and preening and falseness. Now I can hang about at home if I want.

Tell ya a wee secret; I turned down several invitations for New Year's Eve from different sets of pals, sets which didn't know each other. I got away with it by telling each set of them that I'd already accepted another invitation........and I stayed home laying on my sofa with a good book, a fleece rug and a pot of tea, some sloe gin and some lovely things to eat. And I went off to bed before 12 because I could. And I was wriggling with the sheer unadulterated joy of having escaped dressing-up and going out and staying up past what is tolerable with ME and not being left wiped-out with fatigue for days afterwards...........bliss.

Several months into the year, I ruefully-confessed this to a close pal (someone who would have been at one of the parties I could have been at, but not as hostess) and she 'fessed right back that she'd done the same thing. Forty-something women are sooo bad it's good. Fuddle, your detractors are just jealous that you're onto a good thing. After all, the best description I ever heard of why we "go out" at night was "to meet someone to stay home with". If you've found your OH, why go anywhere?

GQ, staying in somewhere in Englandshire.............

Byatt, it might be a masonry bee. Think they're solitaries. Perhaps Google will know?

jpscloud

Hi Byatt, yes watch and see if there's more comings and goings. How big was the bee? If it was quite small and a buff or orangey colour, it might be a mason bee (and completely harmless).

Other kinds of bees and wasps also scope out areas like eaves for their nests, and sometimes for prey, but they don't always build where they're poking around.

If you do have comings and goings, and if it's a bumble bee with an orangey brown shoulder area with a white tail (tail must be white) it's a tree bumblebee, there are no others with that colouration. They're getting quite common now and they do like bird boxes and houses to make their nests in. From all reports, tree bumblebees are not aggressive so if left alone they would likely not pose a threat.

This might reassure you if you do have a bumblebee nest... you can contact them for further advice too:

http://www.bumblebeeconservation.org.uk/contact_us.htm#I_have_found_a_bumblebee_nest_in_my_garden_or_under_my_shed_-_what_should_I_do_