A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

katieowl_2

scrabbles wrote: »

Katieowl - friendship is a two-way thing. Manipulators need people to 'prove' their love but if you stand your ground she will learn that she can't do it with you and she WILL change, in dealing with you at least. It takes two, really, the manipulator can only manipulate if people allow them to. It's horrible that these things have happened to her but she has to try and deal with things the best she can. She will carry on being lonely if she is allowed to behave this was as it will push new people away. I speak as someone who has suffered depression. It sounds harsh, but you have to be firm with her.

Oh, and NEVER lend money to friends. If you do, make sure you can afford to lose it permanently and that you love them enough not to mind that. Then consider it a bonus if you do actually get it back!

Hope your hives clear up :eek:

You sound like you've met my friend LOL! I agree with you BTW re manipulators...I'm finding distance makes it easier to be firm. I don't have the sort of funds she was looking to borrow...so that was a non starter. I'd send her a Mr T voucher for about £25 if I thought she'd spend it on something sensible.

My other concern is that she has a dog that I rescued from being abused living with her, and if her situation goes the shape of a pear, he's to come back to me. If I can possibly integrate him to live with my two I will, or I'll get him re-homed locally so I can keep an eye on him. He's not the problem - it's one of mine who isn't keen on other dogs!

Kate

greent

mardatha wrote: »

Does anybody in here make CP soap? I know somebody does but forget who it is. If you're here please yell!

I do - I used to do it as a 'proper' business until I had DS3, which conincided with the recession... now I just make small orders for friends and family. I remember you from UKSoaping

Mrs_Chip

Well I'm not chucking it just yet, I have never seen an exorcism in real life and this might be my only chance .

Some one mentioned Sherlock - has anyone else worked out how he survived the last episode? I think I know how, but no idea why he had to appear to be an ex-sleuth for so long???

Sorry for all those suffering the pension pain, it seems so unfair

ETA - What does CP with ref to soap stand for please? I have always fancied making my own soap, so would be v interested to know how it goes!

greent

:beer:

Mrs_Chip wrote: »

Well I'm not chucking it just yet, I have never seen an exorcism in real life and this might be my only chance .

Some one mentioned Sherlock - has anyone else worked out how he survived the last episode? I think I know how, but no idea why he had to appear to be an ex-sleuth for so long???

Sorry for all those suffering the pension pain, it seems so unfair

ETA - What does CP with ref to soap stand for please? I have always fancied making my own soap, so would be v interested to know how it goes!

cold process. There are basically 2 ways of making soap from scratch (ie with oils/ fats and lye (caustic soda) - hot process (you 'cook' it low in an oven) and cold process - you melt the fats and add the lye (within temperature ranges) and mix and pour into a mould and cover and let it do it's own thing.

Soap making can be fun and very addictive - but to sell it legally requires jumping through many (EU) hoops - which is a big hurdle for small producers. A chemist also has to certify your recipes as safe - so the financial outlay is there from the start..

BitterAndTwisted

scotmumof3 wrote: »

We are doing OK at the moment trying to clear debt slowly but surely before we sink any farther. Everything seems more expensive every week I go shopping Gas and electricity have gone up, food has gone up.

This year DD has 5th year prom at school and apart from the initial cost theres limos, dresses, hair and makeup and god knows what else (I will not panic I will not panic....) For years we've struggled by have no savings and live from month to month. Times are tough but I really want to start to take control and reading your posts have really helped thanks

Scotmum I'm going to try and give you some advice, very probably most unwelcome and a tiny bit harsh but wth I'm not sitting here with you in front of me, but I'll try and soften it with a compliment first.

If you are putting a roof over everyone's heads, managing to pay your bills when they fall due and are successfully feeding your family as best you can, and very probably well, you are doing everything that could be expected of you and much more.

To a fifteen year-old (especially girls, I was one once and remember it well) nearly everything that happens is absolute life-and-death. No shades of grey at any time. This bloody prom is not as important as these kids think it is. it's another blessed import from the USA that we don't need and have no real use for. Your daughter would obviously disagree. Nice dress (cheap from ebay/charity-shop) yes. Hair-do: maybe if she can afford to pay for her own. Limo" Absolutely ruddy-well not. These things are all very well for children of wealthy people for but for the rest of us it's an aspiration too far in my opinion. pat for wht you can afford and no more. Paying off the family's debts are much more important. maybe in a decade's time your daughter will agree with me. I do hope so.

Mardatha: what is CP soap?

About the carpet: if as you say the one you have is 15 years old and still in perfect condition why would you want to get rid of it? I'd only replace it if it could be lifted and re-laid in another room that's in need of one.

gailey_2

Ever start a job and underestimate how big it is.

Thats me after saying need to get motivated.

decided to start in my pit of a kitchen.

Which I consider to be one of worst kitchens I ever seen.

The layouts all wrong
the cupboards dont match and are falling apart
not enough storage.
not enough work top partly my fault though as removed some to fit huge chest freezer and large fridge neither of which can live without!

The only good thing is the floor as we replaced that ourselves.

The kitchen cupboards are white well they were sort of marbled cream same as our worktop but painted white then landlord replaced 2broken cupboards with cheap white nasty and narrow cupboards so less storage than old ones and you can see on the one door where he made mistake of putting it on upside down.


My 2biggest bugbears I guess has to eb ovens smallest oven and gaps bigger and food goes down side, ovens not ours its landlord and think its 30years old too.

The end cupboard nearest the wall goes back so you open the door then have to contort yourself to the the right hand side and reach the back completly uselss as half the cupboards inaccessible hubby says they should have put corner cupboard in.

Anyway rather odd move have placed tall fridge in hallway.
the top of fridge had become a dumping ground with cookbooks and kids toys/post on top
moved the mircowave off the top of the drier.
moved steriliser off window sill
cleared the windowsill.

In the gap where the fridge was have placed the ikea expedit unit from lounge its small narrrow 4square one.

I now have cookbooks in 1square
baking stuff/clingfil and foil in other square
most used pans and weighing scales in abother square
potatoes in big bowl in 4th square.

places kitchen utensils in pots on top alongside fruit bowl.

really pleased looks so much more spacious if could find 2fold up stools girls could sit and eat there.

now micriowaves moved have breadbin and huge butchers block chopping board on top of drier by window so seems like got more space.
Got to have drier there as when on stick hose out of window-yep classy bunch we are:rotfl:

Thourght yes rented, yes we have no money but have to make kitchen work better for us.

next few plans are

relocate cluttered noticeboard from hallway where rarly gets looked at and do huge wallplanner and calender to keep us more organised.

That back bit of cupboard I cant use well will store stuff I least use or dont use and have extra shelf bacause relocated some to the expedit unit.
then I think might move plates and bowls to the bottom where saucepans was.

Which then leaves top 2cupboards for more food storage:D

Going to look for some wicker baskets and use space ontop of cupboards to store small bits and peices

Going to set up breadmaker and slow cooker still unused to use.

Going to in time buy few red and bluye accesories and try and make kicthen look better by co-ordinating colours .

Think argos do narrow veg trollies that might fit at side of chest freezer.
Also have some wall space to add some shelving now fridge has moved.

But unsure if fridge in hallway best idea had it there before annoyed hubby but think hallways kind of not used well and dumping ground too.

The longterm aim when we have money and we stay a while is get 2nd shed and relocate drier and chest freezer to shed.

I would still love a 2nd upright freezer and new fridge but thats a dream right now.

How does everyone else manage with small kitchens?
cant belive amount of non kitchen clutter I found!
best get on school run soon then gym run and nursery pickup and hubby have fit if he sees the mess but as I keep saying some times you need to make mess in order to tidy!

Also need to do sw tikka chicken in as needs to marinate might have to serve with reduced potatoes that need using up.

Hope everyones having good day.
sunny here at least!

Mrs_Chip

Gailey - In our London house the kitchen is actually smaller than the hall! It's square with a door on two sides and window/sink on the third, plus boiler on the wall. No fitted stuf all 60s cupboards, and up until she died, had to share it with MIL and her stuff!

So the hall had to be used as an extension of the kitchen and the full-height fridge,ditto freezer and under counter fridge went out there, along with chrome shelf unit with combi oven and all crockery on it. Under the stairs cupboard was shelved and used to store groceries. Oh and a small tiled top kitchen trolley.

So don't worry, make the best use of the space you have to make your home work - there are no rules that can't be broken!

paidinchickens

Pokey Kitchen here as well. The house must have been designed by a non cook as it is a new build house. I suppose they expect everyone to live on takeouts or eating out.


PIC x

[Deleted User]

Mrs Chip, hubby, who is a retired research chemist has suggested that if the rug had been previously treated with a waterproofer during manufacture any detergent type product would remove the waterproofer from that patch. As the rug is in the bathroom is it possible that shampoo, shower gel, liquid hand wash or bath foam might have splashed on to it? His theory is that any moisture from the rest of the rug settling from steam etc. would just soak into that bit . Appologies for being a killjoy - most of the other ideas were fun!

scrabbles_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

To a fifteen year-old (especially girls, I was one once and remember it well) nearly everything that happens is absolute life-and-death. No shades of grey at any time. This bloody prom is not as important as these kids think it is. it's another blessed import from the USA that we don't need and have no real use for. Your daughter would obviously disagree. Nice dress (cheap from ebay/charity-shop) yes. Hair-do: maybe if she can afford to pay for her own. Limo" Absolutely ruddy-well not. These things are all very well for children of wealthy people for but for the rest of us it's an aspiration too far in my opinion. pat for wht you can afford and no more. Paying off the family's debts are much more important. maybe in a decade's time your daughter will agree with me. I do hope so.

Agreed. My parents would have given a simple 'no' without explanation (followed up with 'tough' if I moaned) but that doesn't seem to be the done thing anymore. At fifteen she is old enough to be shown the household budget and how tight things are, and shown exactly how tight things are and what would have to be forfeited to pay for what she wants. Not everyone's opinion, I know, but it is mine. I think half the problem these days is that people's perception of what they deserve and what they are somehow entitled to is based on TV programmes that are set on cloud cuckoo land. And I'm not just talking about 15-year-old girls either! You are not depriving her of anything. You are giving her a valuable gift - the lesson that money doesn't grow on trees and that most people can't afford everything they want in life.

My thoughts:
Dresses can be bought from charity shops, borrowed from friends who have evening gowns, even adapted from 2nd-hand bridesmaid dresses and the like.

Limos can be shared with lots of friends paying a smaller share - and limos with mates are far more fun! Or think outside the box. Do you know anyone with an interesting or vintage car who might be happy to act chauffeur (a friend has a really old cheap-but-posh-looking Jag and she has even driven another friend to her wedding)?

Flowers can be from the garden. Or you can make a corsage from fabric, old jewellery or even buttons. They can actually look better than real flowers and can be kept forever.

Hair and make-up doesn't have to be professionally done. Even most brides I know have done their own these days! Ask anyone you know who is 'well put together' if you can beg a favour. Or see if you can wangle a 'demonstration' or even phone the local Virgin Vie / Body Shop party reps and see if you can work something out (again, I know a VV rep who is always amenable to helping people, even strangers, out for a few quid or even the promise of holding a party for her at a later date. Worth a try)

At the end of the day, if you daughter wants it she is old enough to earn it. If paper rounds and Saturday till jobs are scarce where you are, get her out there with a sponge and bucket offering to wash cars for a few quid each. And if there are favours to be pulled in, don't be at all afraid of offering your daughter's labour as payment. Lawn-mowing, car-washing and even housework are all jobs that many will happily swap for!