I'm so depressed I can't even cry anymore.......

Gingernutty

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Make sure you are crystal clear to OH both about your conditions, but also the impact they have on your work, the adjustments that work could make in order to assist you perform most effectively, and also the impact that your TL / managers are having on your general health.

The problem is that only the TLs are witnesses to TM's most breathtaking 'words of wisdom' and nothing is in writing. They won't go against her.

Depression is an excuse for bad work apparently....

Yorkie1 wrote: »

They are on notice about the impact of work on health, and if they continue to mis-manage you then they are potentially skating on very thin ice HR-wise.

I think they're safe. I'm expendable.

Yorkie1 wrote: »

OH can be on your side, but only if you are honest and frank with them.

And with no back up I'll just look like a paranoid, delusional fruitcake.

Yorkie1 wrote: »

Good luck for next week.

Thanks

whitewing wrote: »

Gingernutty,

What would actually happen if you stopped working there?

I'd go on benefits, fall behind with bills and mortgage interest, go frantic with worry trying to find a job.....you know, the usual.

I have no degree. There are science graduates who can't find lab work since the FSS closed down.

A previous place of work has closed down the site I used to work at and gone out to a new lab where you need your own transport.

A sister lab has gone even further out and they ask if you have your own transport for shift work.

No. I can't drive, nor do I know anyone who can.

whitewing wrote: »

You really don't sound very well at all.

I'm not........

whitewing wrote: »

Do call the Samaritans http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/different-ways-you-can-get-touch/most-people-phone-us

They can't help. They have admitted they aren't much practical help and have recommended that I speak to Occy Health.

That was a fat waste of an 0845 number.......

You do know the Samaritans are wildly overrated don't you?

whitewing

I know that the Samaritans are there to listen, and sometimes by talking you can offload and sometimes start to see a path through.

I also know that sometimes when you feel really bad, it can be very difficult to let people in to help. There must be a helpline, organisation, book or person somewhere that can help you. I hope you find inspiration from somewhere that can help you deal with this bit by bit until you can see things getting brighter.

geminilady

Gingernutty wrote: »

You do know the Samaritans are wildly overrated don't you?

Think that is a bit harsh the Samaritans are there to listen 24 hours a day and do not get paid, if they are not for you fine but they have helped thousands of people and saved many from suicide.

Gingernutty

The trouble is, I am 'dealing with it'. I'm dealing with it so well that I was signed off both Psychiatry and Psychology services.

I get up, get dressed in clean clothes, go to work, come home and so on.

Panic and anxiety have never been an issue - I am simply and purely depressed with allergies and other adverse reactions to a variety of antidepressants.

I know what I'm thinking, I'm not psychotic, I know how I'm feeling (which is what the Samaritans help people with) and I know the coping strategies taught on a variety of different courses.

Mood diaries, action plans, journals and so on.

Pffft.

Gingernutty

geminilady wrote: »

Think that is a bit harsh the Samaritans are there to listen 24 hours a day and do not get paid, if they are not for you fine but they have helped thousands of people and saved many from suicide.

They're not for me. They've even told me that........!

tonyh66

You know Gingernutty, I don't know how to say this but I think you need to kick yourself up the backside. Your not the only one who has deep seated health problems, and you are certainly not the only person in the world who absolutely hates their job to the core, try sitting at a machine for 12hr shifts for just over minimum wage.

I can see it in your posts, deep down there is a strong will, its being crushed by your situation at the minute, but it is still there. You need to be strong and fight off the depression.
You know work is not the apex of your existance, you only do it because it gets you the cash to do the things you want to do, focus on the good stuff in your life, and treat work like its something you wipe off your feet before you walk into the house. Do it then forget about it.
What can they do if you don't hit the targets? sack you? wow thats going to help them NOT. What if you don't acheive your targets and don't get payrise or bonus- live to your means and budget for this.
What if they have you in because you are not hitting their targets, tell them you are doing as much as anyone else and they have increased the workload beyond the capacity of one person, they cannot reduce your pay, they are not HR, they are just the scummy managers who's bonus relies on your output (he he you have got them there).

You are obviously intelligent and talented, but your illness is getting you so down, don't let the work stuff get on top of that, concentrate on getting better, then fight from there, YOU CAN DO IT.

Gingernutty

tonyh66 wrote: »

You know Gingernutty, I don't know how to say this but I think you need to kick yourself up the backside. Your not the only one who has deep seated health problems, and you are certainly not the only person in the world who absolutely hates their job to the core, try sitting at a machine for 12hr shifts for just over minimum wage.

I can see it in your posts, deep down there is a strong will, its being crushed by your situation at the minute, but it is still there. You need to be strong and fight off the depression.
You know work is not the apex of your existance, you only do it because it gets you the cash to do the things you want to do, focus on the good stuff in your life, and treat work like its something you wipe off your feet before you walk into the house. Do it then forget about it.
What can they do if you don't hit the targets? sack you? wow thats going to help them NOT. What if you don't acheive your targets and don't get payrise or bonus- live to your means and budget for this.
What if they have you in because you are not hitting their targets, tell them you are doing as much as anyone else and they have increased the workload beyond the capacity of one person, they cannot reduce your pay, they are not HR, they are just the scummy managers who's bonus relies on your output (he he you have got them there).

You are obviously intelligent and talented, but your illness is getting you so down, don't let the work stuff get on top of that, concentrate on getting better, then fight from there, YOU CAN DO IT.

I hear you tonyh66. You're very kind

The trouble I'm having is that depression has limited my imagination. I can't see any wriggle room.

I have trouble talking about this subject without crying and I'm inarticulate and blubbing in person.

The immediate problems are a major internal exam and an impending review with my TL.

With less than two weeks notice, the junior members of staff are meant to take an exam next Wednesday, which, if you believe the email at face value, determines whether we're going to be put forward for the national, professional exams.

To prepare for this exam would mean taking a shopping trolley filled with almost 10kg of books and manuals home every night until Wednesday. :eek:

If one of the TLs is to be believed, this exam will also sort out who stays on our current pay grade and who gets put down a grade.

I'm trying to word an email which doesn't get me fired and which doesn't include too many swear words and send it to TM, Bcc'ing it to a number of interested parties.

Right now, I'm prepared to go down to the pay band below and stuff the exams, the punishing objectives and the feeling that we're all meant to be soooooo grateful to TM for our positions.

It would reduce the pressure I feel I'm under, at least.

TM reckons severe depression is an excuse for poor work and missed deadlines and TL thinks all I need to do is try to think positively and cheer up.

This is what I'm up against.

I'm trying to set up a meeting with a Workplace Advisor, to see if there is anything I can do and the Occ Health meeting is next Monday.

I hope I can sort something out.

tonyh66

As I said, work is just there for you to make the cash for you to spned on your life, don't let it be your life. I was 'mildly depressed' last year because I can't get off this shi*ty job, I applied for every internal vacancy and was interviewed for most of them. I started to hate and feel angry at the random strangers who would be walking round the factory where I work, because they were in the jobs where I want to be.
I was on antidepressants for just over a year which dug me out, and turned my mind to a better place. I still feel pis*ed off by these people but concentrate on the good stuff in my life.
I think what im trying to say is, yes do the work needed for the exam. Concentrate on which books you need to take home-just take 1 or 2 not all of them. Think about whether it is the most important thing in your life (NO ITS NOT) and the consequences of failing is not the end of the world. Honestly work is not your life, don't let it control you, you control it.

ohreally

Gingernutty wrote: »

If one of the TLs is to be believed, this exam will also sort out who stays on our current pay grade and who gets put down a grade

What does your trade union say about this?

Gingernutty

ohreally wrote: »

What does your trade union say about this?

Not much. They got to know her early on, shortly after she started.

She got our dedicated porters and one of our data entry clerks fired/let go and not much happened, other than the union saw to it that the proper procedures were followed.

There is precedent for this sort of thing.