Help need re separated parents and access

clearingout

having him stay over isn't practical for her - at some point she needs to move on with her life and having the ex sleeping in the spare room doesn't bode well for new relationships. It also adds in an element of control over both their lives which might not matter today, but will as time goes on.

The fact the child doesn't know grandma I can't see the courts bothering about. If dad is there, that should be enough. The distance is great - although I suspect as the child gets older, you'll be able to book cheap flights in advance between Newcastle and Aberdeen which won't cost so much. He really needs to be able to take his child for a few days. See a solicitor and then suggest mediation. The third person in the room can really help with these issues.

paddy's_mum

Forging her signature to back up a packet of lies is, or should be, extremely worrying. What else is he signing her name to?

If he is in work, can the Dad not pay for the Mum to bring the child to visit him? It might give peace of mind all round if the Mum and the Gran get to know one another and developed trust that Gran wouldn't stand for any shenanigans.

clearingout

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Forging her signature to back up a packet of lies is, or should be, extremely worrying. What else is he signing her name to?

If he is in work, can the Dad not pay for the Mum to bring the child to visit him? It might give peace of mind all round if the Mum and the Gran get to know one another and developed trust that Gran wouldn't stand for any shenanigans.

both excellent points. She might be advised to check her credit files on a regular basis.

It would be good if mum could get Gran on side that's for sure. Gran hopefully will be pleased to be having a relationship with her grandchild so hopefully she will be able to be sensible about it all.

jojo_2012_2

It's the dad that chose to move so far away. I don't see why the mother should have to inconvenience herself or her child by having hours of travel to unfamiliar places inflicted upon them. I think he should come down, book a travel lodge, and see his child that way. If he doesn't like it he should move closer shouldn't he.

clearingout

jojo_2012 wrote: »

It's the dad that chose to move so far away. I don't see why the mother should have to inconvenience herself or her child by having hours of travel to unfamiliar places inflicted upon them. I think he should come down, book a travel lodge, and see his child that way. If he doesn't like it he should move closer shouldn't he.

whilst I am inclined to agree at some level, you do have to be careful making statements like this. We have no idea of dad's financial circumstances - he has gone to live with mum, not in a 5 bed detached he's paying the rent on himself - and it is entirely normal in times of stress and upset to want to be with your family.

Unfortunately, separated parenting generally involves a lot of inconvenience, even if living close together. It's just one of those things you either learn to live with, or you make life easy for yourself by effectively blocking contact with the father. It is a long distance he needs to travel and not everyone can just book themselves into a hotel for a couple of nights from a financial point of view. The courts would consider it reasonable that the child knows dad in his home environment - mum needs to be working with dad (and vice versa) to try and achieve that.

paddy's_mum

We have no information whatever about the reason for the split between the parents. For all we know, it is the mother who has behaved outrageously and forced the breakdown of the relationship.

It seems kind of harsh to be blaming him for the physical distance between the child and himself when he doesn't appear to have shirked responsibility towards the child - registered the birth with her and seeking access.

While I agree that there are real difficulties because of the distance, all credit to him for wanting to continue a loving, full relationship with the child.

mgdavid

then again it's possible that he wants the child in Scotland just to support his application for a council house - he surely won't get any priority as a single man will he? The whole council house application scenario needs serious consideration and thought...

clearingout

mgdavid wrote: »

then again it's possible that he wants the child in Scotland just to support his application for a council house - he surely won't get any priority as a single man will he? The whole council house application scenario needs serious consideration and thought...

yes, I agree. And we're back at getting legal advice because unless we have a qualified and practising family divorce lawyer who is also skilled in the issue of taking a child from England to Scotland and what that actually means legally posting here, we've come to a dead end!

OP - will you keep us updated? I think this is probably something that happens quite a lot and it would be useful for other people to know the outcome for future posters in similar situations.

RAS

clearingout wrote: »

The distance is great - although I suspect as the child gets older, you'll be able to book cheap flights in advance between Newcastle and Aberdeen which won't cost so much.

Hi Newcastle to Aberdeen is 4 - 4.5 hours each way by train and about £30 each way. By the time you have farted about with airport transfers and booking in, it is as quick as the plane.

I have done similiar journeys each way in a long day. It is certainly possible for him to come down over the weekend on Friday night, stop over for two nights and be back on Sunday night for about £60 in fares even booking a couple pf weeks ahead.

I do not think English court orders have any efffect in Scotland, and I reckon the SD needs to engage a Scottish lawyer now rather than when something goes wrong.

Hagar_uk

He has I understand pretty much the same rights as the mother at this moment in time, he can not kidnap his own child,
anymore than the stepmother can. However she will hold all the cards (often wrongly and pretty much do as she pleases)

The father has a right to see his child, and I would say the child has a right to know his family in scotland.

I am going through a similar issue my self, and my lawyer thought it would have no issues taking my son even abroad to see his family.

However...legally and morally it depends how much access / parental responsibility he had when they were together, and how much he has had since.

In my case, I have a 15 month son who is still being breastfed, and as much as I want to take him away for a week, I know it would be cruel to take him at this stage and it would have to be gradual with single overnights etc first

jillyjacks wrote: »

I wonder if anyone can help me here....step daughter and her boyfriend have recently split they have a 2 year old son both have parental responsibility as he registered the birth with her. He has moved back to scotland to be with his family but wants to come and pick child up to take there for a visit. Step daughter is worried in case he doesnt return with him...if this happens where does she stand with the law?? And does she even have to allow him to take their son?? can she insist on supervised visits here in England?? The reason she is worried is that she recieved a letter last week from a scottish council regarding her request for a council house up there...she rang them and was told her ex had applied in joint names for a house and she had signed the forms...he obviously had forged her signature,...she told them this and they are looking into it. Shes now worried hes planning a new life up there for him and their son

any advice appreciated x