Stick With Private Agreement or Involve CSA?

Ladyshopper

Never posted before on this board, so please excuse me if I've made an error I don't know about!

Been split up from my ex for over 10 years. Children (2 of them) live with me, he has them every other weekend.

We have a private agreement, and have done for all that time. He pays his parents, who transfer the money over to my bank (don't ask why he won't transfer it direct, not idea).

In 10 years the amount hasn't changed - £200 for 2 children. I think this is pretty rubbish (and yes I know its a lot more than others get, I really don't want to get into that argument please). He refuses point blank to show me his p60 and insists his wages haven't changed at all in 10 years. I don't believe him.

Now, do I just stick with this agreement because a private agreement seems much easier, and rely on the fact of what he is telling me? Or do I contact the CSA to get the amount formally assessed?

I'm not greedy, I'm a single parent and I work. However, teenagers are expensive, the price of food has gone up, etc etc, and I would simply like to know if the amount being paid is correct or not.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Its likely his wages have increased, he would have showed you the P60 otherwise wouldn't he? Would he have any other reason not to show you the P60?

is it £200 a month or a week?

clearingout

it's a balancing act....presumably you know what he used to earn - have you run this through the CSA calculator out of interest? If it comes out roughly in the same region you're getting now, it is worth considering the field he works in and how that has been affected by the recession. There are people who have had their hours cut back to be able to keep their jobs, others have not had a pay rise for many years. Whilst it is unlikely he hasn't had some kind of rise in 10 years, if he hasn't had a promotion, he may not actually be earning much more money than he was back then. A few well placed questions with your children (I am assuming they're old enough to know what dad does, where he works?) might be revealing, although there's a fine line between asking innocently and interrogating them so do be careful.

As for not showing you his P60, after 10 years, do you really blame him? I'm not sure I would ever share my financial information with my ex in the future so why I should expect him to provide his P60 annually is beyond me....I know what you're getting at but shoe on the other foot?

PreludeForTimeFeelers

Is he employed, or self-employed?

Ladyshopper

Its £200 a month he pays, not a week (I wish!!).

No, I have never ever known his wage. When we very first split up he agreed to pay £400 a month, however this changed very quickly and he said he could only afford £200. He was in and out of work a bit, but in fairness he always paid each month (well, actually his Mum and Dad did, I get on very well with them).

He is employed, and has been steadily for years now after a few stop starts after we'd split up. He has a partner and her son lives with them.

I have never known his wage and never seen a p60, he insists that what he is paying me is right. I don't believe him, I think its unlikely that in 10 years his wages haven't changed at all. He could very easily know my wages, I'm a police officer so that information is available as to what we're paid all over the internet.

I am not trying to be unreasonable, and who knows, maybe what he is paying me correct. I just feel like he is trying to hide things my not being prepared to tell me/show me his p60 figure, and that therefore he earns more than he is letting on. As I've said, I'm on my own with 2 teenagers, and what he is paying doesn't really go that far!

PreludeForTimeFeelers

You could always ask the CSA to calculate how much he has to pay, and then make the decision as to whether you want them to collect the payments on your behalf, or whether you would want to continue with the private agreement. He would have to tell the CSA his earnings, for the assessment.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

Do the children stay over for two nights every other weekend, or 3? Based on £200 per month that's £46 per week...taking into account the overnight stays, it would be £53 per week if there was no care, so (assuming he has no children living with him), he must be on about £270 per week after tax/NI. If you think he is on more than that then he should be paying more child maintenance.

Bear in mind that there's a risk that your relationship with him may deteriorate if you involve the CSA, and also that if he is earning less than that then he may end up paying you less than you currently receive.

Ladyshopper

It is 2 nights per weekend he has them.

His partners son lives with them, so I presume he gets a deduction for that.

What would a take home of £270 a week after tax/ni make his annual salary roughly? For some reason £18k rings a bell, but any figure he told me would have been years ago.

I'm not saying he is on a huge wage or anything, but his partner is a teaching assistant, so part-time wages. They have a mortgage, 2 cars, a caravan, go to the cinema on a regular basis (and my 2 are never invited but thats a whole different thread!), buy all the latest gaming gadgets, have decent phones etc, so I don't think they're broke either.

PreludeForTimeFeelers (phew, thats a long name!) I didn't realise I could ask the csa to assess his payments then continue with it privately. That would seem like a good comprimise if he doesn't want to disclose his earnings to me. I do appreciate the payment may go down, I think it unlikely, but am prepared if it does. I just want to know that the figure he is paying is correct and fair.

kevin137

I agree that you could ask for an assessment to be done, but that you want to use maintenance direct for it to be paid... It is better to keep it out of the hands of the CSA if at all possible, and you are getting more than most on here, albeit maybe not the right amount, i would recommend that you tell him that you will ask them to do an assessment, but that you are not intending for them to collect. And that once the assessment is done, that you would like to sit and talk about the best way to deal with this so as that your children are cared for, but that he does't feel screwed over...

Just an idea, as if it comes out of the blue, he may take the CSA involvement the wrong way...

DUTR

Ladyshopper wrote: »

It is 2 nights per weekend he has them.

His partners son lives with them, so I presume he gets a deduction for that.

What would a take home of £270 a week after tax/ni make his annual salary roughly? For some reason £18k rings a bell, but any figure he told me would have been years ago.

I'm not saying he is on a huge wage or anything, but his partner is a teaching assistant, so part-time wages. They have a mortgage, 2 cars, a caravan, go to the cinema on a regular basis (and my 2 are never invited but thats a whole different thread!), buy all the latest gaming gadgets, have decent phones etc, so I don't think they're broke either.

PreludeForTimeFeelers (phew, thats a long name!) I didn't realise I could ask the csa to assess his payments then continue with it privately. That would seem like a good comprimise if he doesn't want to disclose his earnings to me. I do appreciate the payment may go down, I think it unlikely, but am prepared if it does. I just want to know that the figure he is paying is correct and fair.

If he was on £385 per week gross, then that would equate back to £200 per month excluding the child living with him.
I suspect he pays via his parents as he does not want to pay you directly, I'd rather pay via the csa than to the pwc directly, he does not have to show you his p60, he is your ex now remember.

pd001

Ladyshopper wrote: »

Never posted before on this board, so please excuse me if I've made an error I don't know about!

Been split up from my ex for over 10 years. Children (2 of them) live with me, he has them every other weekend.

We have a private agreement, and have done for all that time. He pays his parents, who transfer the money over to my bank (don't ask why he won't transfer it direct, not idea).

In 10 years the amount hasn't changed - £200 for 2 children. I think this is pretty rubbish (and yes I know its a lot more than others get, I really don't want to get into that argument please). He refuses point blank to show me his p60 and insists his wages haven't changed at all in 10 years. I don't believe him.

Now, do I just stick with this agreement because a private agreement seems much easier, and rely on the fact of what he is telling me? Or do I contact the CSA to get the amount formally assessed?

I'm not greedy, I'm a single parent and I work. However, teenagers are expensive, the price of food has gone up, etc etc, and I would simply like to know if the amount being paid is correct or not.

A private agreement set up 10 years ago?
Was it set up properly? Was it a written agreement?