Stick With Private Agreement or Involve CSA?

cte1111

I wouldn't want my ex seeing my wage slips or equivalent either. However if child support paid is going to be based on net income, then the PWC is going to know what the NRP is earning! I'm sure we could argue until the cows come home about whether this is the best way for child support to be calculated, but that is what the CSA currently use and many voluntary arrangements try and follow this guideline one way or the other.

I wasn't suggesting the OP leaping to using the CSA if she can avoid it, it can be a very stressful experience and isn't to be taken on lightly. However if she wants to get an inflationary type increase from her ex and he won't discuss support any other way, then it may be the only way forward.

Marisco's suggestion is a good idea I think if you know what job your ex is doing, although there can be a wide range and job adverts don't always show the 'real' salary but its a starting point at least.

I think it's pretty offensive to suggest Ladyshopper wanting her ex to increase maintenance after 10 years of no increases is using him as a cash cow. Paying a reasonable amount to support your own children isn't being 'used', it's accepting your responsibilities like a grown adult.

Ladyshopper

Marisco wrote: »

I'm sure if he's not self employed, it wouldn't be that difficult to find out roughly what he earns. It won't be to the penny, but there is plenty of info on the wage for different jobs, a quick look on job sites would give anyone an idea of what the going rate is for a particular job.

I have tried that before, but he is in computer sales, so is obviously going to be on some kind of basic with commission on top.

Thanks again all, and I will update as and when I decide to do anything.

For the poster who asked if I would be willing to show my p60 - actually yes I would, but then as I've said, knowing the job I do, the number of hours I work and the length of service I've got, its not exactly a secret anyway! If the shoe was on the other foot I would want the other parent to know that what I was paying was the correct amount. Personally I would contribute over and above that to things like school uniform etc and other costs that perhaps weren't incorportated into what I class as everday living, but again, thats my personal opinion and certainly don't want to start a debate off on that subject as thats not what I'm here for.

surreybased

OK, I do think a good approach is to discuss the actual costs for the dc's since this is what you are looking for...a 50% contribution to the dc's fair and reasonable costs. No one can argue over that approach.

gingergee

I get csa for 2 kids and i get 280 a month, so maybe your not too far out x

Ladyshopper

As promised, I said I would update this thread.

Wrote the ex a letter on 1st Jan giving 3 options -

1) to show me his p60
2) to show his parents his p60
3) for me to contact the CSA and for them to make an assessment.

He has phoned today, all civil and polite (for a change!) and gone through his wage slip from march, as he can't find his p60.

As I suspected, he has been underpaying me, as he was paying me monthly and it should have been 4 weekly. Because the amount was quite specific (I rounded down in the op, but it was £208), I thought this to be the case, and told him this 6 months ago.

We have agreed to up the maintenance to £225 a month, which is the same as £208 every 4 weeks. I have stated that in April I would like to see his p60, and he has agreed.

We'll see what happens come April, but for now I am pleased.

kevin137

Well done, and good for you and HIM for keeping it civil, sometimes biting your tongue and not arguing is far more beneficial to ALL of you....!

I would suggest to him as well to use this forum, so he can see that there are consequences if he goes bad, and just how lucky he is not to have the CSA on his back, good relationships after they break down are only beneficial to you both and more importantly to your kids...

pd001

DUTR wrote: »

My daughter's Mum used to ask me for money in her hand, I was already paying for riding lessons school clubs etc, I told her she should contact the CSA, after a time of me no longer visiting, the brown envelope arrived, the assesment was much less than what I was spending anyway, so don't be fooled into thinking eveybody is scared of the CSA. Everybody is suffereing from the recession and perhaps belts need to be tightened than treating someone as a cash cow

Totally agree

pd001

Ladyshopper wrote: »

As promised, I said I would update this thread.

Wrote the ex a letter on 1st Jan giving 3 options -

1) to show me his p60
That would have been a no from me

2) to show his parents his p60
That would have been a no from me

3) for me to contact the CSA and for them to make an assessment.
I bet you end up going to the csa at some time in the not too distant future

He has phoned today, all civil and polite (for a change!) and gone through his wage slip from march, as he can't find his p60.

As I suspected, he has been underpaying me, as he was paying me monthly and it should have been 4 weekly. Because the amount was quite specific (I rounded down in the op, but it was £208), I thought this to be the case, and told him this 6 months ago.

We have agreed to up the maintenance to £225 a month, which is the same as £208 every 4 weeks. I have stated that in April I would like to see his p60, and he has agreed.
Tell us if that happens

We'll see what happens come April, but for now I am pleased .
On the surface you have done well...for the time being

Caroline_a

As a matter of interest, what does he do for a job? I've never heard of anyone still earning the same without a salary increase in 10 years!

pd001

Caroline_a wrote: »

As a matter of interest, what does he do for a job? I've never heard of anyone still earning the same without a salary increase in 10 years!

I have, and actually a salary decrease, due to working short time