Stick With Private Agreement or Involve CSA?

DUTR

jojo_2012 wrote: »

I'd get the CSA assessment done. If it's more then claim. If it's not then don't.

How can the OP get an assesment done if she does not know how much the ex is earning, after all when he recieves an MEF, if what he is paying is already greater than the assesment, he could quite easily reduce the amount

Marisco

I'm a firm believer in "if it ain't broke, don't mend it!!"

cte1111

Marisco wrote: »

I'm a firm believer in "if it ain't broke, don't mend it!!"

But it is broke as the OP can't afford to look after her children on the amount being paid!

OP - I'd try and talk to your ex again, e.g. try a bit more firmly saying that you are sure his wages have gone up over the last 10 years and therefore he should be paying more.

Perhaps he would agree to his parents seeing his P60 and doing a calculation on your / his behalf using the CSA rules?

In your chat with your ex, I would mention that if things aren't sorted out by say 3 weeks time, then you will have to involve the CSA as your children are going without because he isn't paying enough child support. I'm afraid the last bit will probably cause him to get mad, but not sure how you can move forward without someone being upset. e.g. if he pays more he will be cross but you can't manage as things are so eggs may need to broken.

DUTR

cte1111 wrote: »

But it is broke as the OP can't afford to look after her children on the amount being paid!

OP - I'd try and talk to your ex again, e.g. try a bit more firmly saying that you are sure his wages have gone up over the last 10 years and therefore he should be paying more.

Perhaps he would agree to his parents seeing his P60 and doing a calculation on your / his behalf using the CSA rules?

In your chat with your ex, I would mention that if things aren't sorted out by say 3 weeks time, then you will have to involve the CSA as your children are going without because he isn't paying enough child support. I'm afraid the last bit will probably cause him to get mad, but not sure how you can move forward without someone being upset. e.g. if he pays more he will be cross but you can't manage as things are so eggs may need to broken.

My daughter's Mum used to ask me for money in her hand, I was already paying for riding lessons school clubs etc, I told her she should contact the CSA, after a time of me no longer visiting, the brown envelope arrived, the assesment was much less than what I was spending anyway, so don't be fooled into thinking eveybody is scared of the CSA. Everybody is suffereing from the recession and perhaps belts need to be tightened than treating someone as a cash cow

Ladyshopper

I'm certainly not trying to treat him like a cash cow. He doesn't contribute anything else towards them other than maintenance. Has refused to buy any clothes for them to keep at his house, so more than 10 years down the line they still have to trek off to his every other weekend with a bag of clothes from home. Nothing gets washed either, pretty skanky.

He has a 3 bedroomed house - him and partner have a room, stepson has a room, and there is the spare room that the children sleep in. It isn't called their room, its called the spare room. DD always sleeps in there, and DS either sleeps with her or with the stepson depending on whether he is being horrible or not (stepson has a habit of bullying DS).

He doesn't feed them on the Friday night, his parents pick them up for him and feed them. He drops them back on Sunday night in time for me to feed them. For lunch he gives them a sandwich and a bag of crisps, so there are 2 breakfasts and 1 dinner on a Saturday.

I could go into lots of details about what a complete idiot I think he is, but this isn't the thread, and it was purely to guage some advice on what to do.

I think I probably will bring it up, referring to our conversation back in May and reminding him he hasn't got back to me. I will suggest he shows his parents his p60 to check calculations, or that I will consider CSA assessment to ensure its correct.

If he is paying me the correct amount then surely he has nothing to worry about? I don't for one second believe he has been overpaying me, I think he would have done the calculations regularly and told me he was dropping it if that was the case! And if he has been underpaying me, then to be honest I think its only right he pays the correct amount.

Thanks for all the opinions so far, its been appreciated.

DUTR

Ladyshopper, glad you have considered the options, the 'go get him gang' can often be keyboard warriors' only he knows what 'card' he will play next, I know I would not certainley be showing anybody that need not see my p60.
Daughters Mum does not know what i earn (although probably can work it out) but I leave the CSA to deal with everything, not sure what will happen when CMEC arrives in full force, hopefull by then the child will be beyond qualifying age

Ladyshopper

Thanks DUTR. Its not knowing about what he earns, its about making sure what he is paying is correct. Obviously the only way for me to know that is either for him to show p60, or for me to ask CSA to assess it! The fact he is being secretive about it clearly makes me suspicious, although I suppose I can understand that he doesn't want me to know the ins and outs of his finances. However, even if he showed me his p60 I wouldn't know his household income, as his partner earns, and I have no interest in knowing that at all, its none of my business. I suppose because my salary is there at the click of google for all to see, I couldn't give two hoots who knows what I earn, but am trying to be reasonable about his!

I think I've been pretty reasonable in not rocking the boat or going beyong questionning him over the last 10 years, but at a time when everything costs more (including teenage children!), I am maybe trying to be a little more assertive over it.

DUTR

Ladyshopper wrote: »

Thanks DUTR. Its not knowing about what he earns, its about making sure what he is paying is correct. Obviously the only way for me to know that is either for him to show p60, or for me to ask CSA to assess it! The fact he is being secretive about it clearly makes me suspicious, although I suppose I can understand that he doesn't want me to know the ins and outs of his finances. However, even if he showed me his p60 I wouldn't know his household income, as his partner earns, and I have no interest in knowing that at all, its none of my business. I suppose because my salary is there at the click of google for all to see, I couldn't give two hoots who knows what I earn, but am trying to be reasonable about his!

I think I've been pretty reasonable in not rocking the boat or going beyong questionning him over the last 10 years, but at a time when everything costs more (including teenage children!), I am maybe trying to be a little more assertive over it.

I can understand your concerns, what is worrying with some of the replies often is they build up the OP's posts under illusion, often if an NRP does not play ball, then it can be a long long wait before anything starts hitting the bank account, one benefit with dealing with the CSA is that , it removes the need to discuss finances with ex's which can often be a sensitive issue. Some throw the living beyond income card sometimes, but who is to know the widescreen 3d tv or fancy holiday etc is not purchased on the never never?

clearingout

cte1111 wrote: »

But it is broke as the OP can't afford to look after her children on the amount being paid!

OP - I'd try and talk to your ex again, e.g. try a bit more firmly saying that you are sure his wages have gone up over the last 10 years and therefore he should be paying more.

Perhaps he would agree to his parents seeing his P60 and doing a calculation on your / his behalf using the CSA rules?

In your chat with your ex, I would mention that if things aren't sorted out by say 3 weeks time, then you will have to involve the CSA as your children are going without because he isn't paying enough child support. I'm afraid the last bit will probably cause him to get mad, but not sure how you can move forward without someone being upset. e.g. if he pays more he will be cross but you can't manage as things are so eggs may need to broken.

I can't afford to look after my children on no maintenance but I do! I haven't got a choice.

It's a dangerous game, messing with the status quo.

I'm sorry, but I don't think your ex needs to give you his P60 - would you give him yours? I don't blame him for being secretive if I'm honest. I think we all have a right to privacy - the relationship is over, you don't get to know what a person is earning anymore. I think you need to prepare yourself for less than you're receiving now if you go to the CSA.

Can you post back and let us know what happens?

Marisco

I'm sure if he's not self employed, it wouldn't be that difficult to find out roughly what he earns. It won't be to the penny, but there is plenty of info on the wage for different jobs, a quick look on job sites would give anyone an idea of what the going rate is for a particular job.