Dad's rights - does he have any?

elsien

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BitterAndTwisted

Firstly, he should ensure that she can't get access to all of their money. That way, she won't be able to rent anywhere without him knowing about it. Mind you, a mother with a couple of kids and no earned income is not going to be a very attractive prospect to a landlord without her providing a guarantor. If she has rented somewhere he has no obligation to pay the rent, otherwise separated couples could swan off and rent a six-bedroomed mansion with a swimming-pool and get someone else to cough up for it.

If he thinks they gone and he's checked that they have really packed up all of their things and gone, not just popped to a relative's for a few days I'd report them missing to the police. Lack of money will soon flush her out unless she's got someone else supporting her already

elsien

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HRV

He needs to calculate what CSA would expect (20% of his net income- for 2 kids) and pay her this- other than this she is on her own I think- ie. she will be responsible to clothe, pay for school trips etc (obviously this is the minimum and Im not sayig this is all taht kids cost beofre anyone starts maoning)Although he will need to sort out the house and access to kids- when he gets access to kids he can apply for a reduction in maintenance paid to her depending on how many nights he has the kids. If u post on child maintenance thread (through benefits board) u should get more info.

She may suddenly decide mediation and entering into financial discussions is not so bad after all once she realises he doesnot need to pay her bills too;)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's not as if she has had an income of her own before - so she can't really be expected to start paying the mortgage with nothing.

She'll be sorting out a way to pay the rent on her own home now, I would imagine.

elsien

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Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like that's for the court to decide in the best interests of the children themselves.

He needs to see a solicitor with specific regard to the residence of the children, never mind the divorce bit.

elsien

He's off to camp on the solicitors doorstep tomorrow morning. But basically for now he's stuffed and has no redress at all?

princessdreamer

Short answer, yes it will be a long court battle. She will need to sort her own money but TBH she has had months to plan and save cash. He does not need to pay anything other than the CSA and the mortgage if he is living there.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

There's no law that says she isn't allowed to leave him. There's no law that compels her to leave the children behind if she wishes to move out after several months of the stress of sharing a house with someone she doesn't love and doesn't love her.

Women and children aren't chattels these days, you see.


I'm not having a go at you - but as their mother and primary carer, she has a right to go wherever she likes unless the Court decides otherwise, as she and the children are not property to be reported as stolen and returned, to be looked after by someone else whilst he works.



He needs to see the solicitor ASAP.

Cornish_piskie

As always we only have half the story and OP, as he's your friend, you are understandably in his 'camp'. I'd be very surprised if there wasn't a fair bit more to this than even he has told you. Your post suggests that he is an absolute angel with nothing other than the children's best interests at heart (my ex's friends think the same of him, he's a 'star', an 'amazing dad' he hasn't ever put a foot wrong in their eyes - they know nothing about the vicious, bitter nasty texts he still sends to me after years apart). Whilst I'm not suggesting your friend is necessarily anything like my ex (God forbid :eek:) the stress of living under the same roof as someone you no longer love or want to be with is just horrendous, believe me.

Like your friend's ex, I just up and left the home when I saw a window of opportunity as the situation had become too unbearable. However, your friend's ex is completely in the wrong if she is denying access to the children and she will be reprimanded by both her solicitor and the judge should it go to Court. I would suggest that your friend agree to the initial 'every Saturday' that his ex has offered as at least he will be maintaining contact with his children. Taking things to Court is a lengthy process and he should take the contact that is offered until it can be properly negotiated. If he digs his heels in and says 50/50 care NOW he may only inflame the situation and lose out on precious time with his kids. I know that this doesn't seem fair but often, in these situations, it is better to take small steps to achieve a better end result for ALL concerned.

It is best if financial matters are sorted out asap and I would imagine his ex will see the wisdom in this fairly shortly. No matter what the situation is, his obligation is to pay 20% of his net pay to his ex for maintenance. He is not obliged to pay her rent, bills, food, personal debts etc. The child support forum is where he will get excellent advice (ie to ensure that the maintenance payments are traceable as such - he should definitely not hand over cash!). I would suggest you persuade him to post himself rather than through you if only to give those giving advice more detailed information.

I wish him luck - it's tough but do it right and he will get the best possible outcome