Church Vs. Registry Office

Roz_V

As others have said, it's not as black and white as "Church" or "Reg Office" these days...

Why does your OH want to marry in a church? Is it for the atmosphere? There are loads of "church-like" civil venues... One of the venues we considered hold their civil ceremonies in a room which looks like a chapel - lovely windows, beams, an aisle... Gorgeous! Just a shame that they couldn't accommodate our numbers otherwise it would have been perfect for us. As it now happens, we are marrying in a registry office but not the one local to us as it's in a bus station :rotfl: We chose one a few miles away that's beautiful.

Where abouts are you? Have a look at the website of your local council, and also those surrounding you, for a list of approved venues then visit their websites and cross them off one by one until you find the venue that's perfect for you!

wanchai_2

I agree that it's a bit weird to get married in a church just because you like the look of it! If I weren't religious, I would choose a beautiful place for a civil ceremony. Also, I have heard of a few people getting married in churches other than their own (sometimes miles away) because they're 'nicer' than their own parish church! Don't they have any emotional ties to the church where they were baptised, made their first Communion and Confirmation??? I know that this isn't always the case, so forgive me for generalising and obviously with registry offices there isn't that same association from childhood.

OK, I am lucky because my home parish church is very old and beautiful, but even if it weren't so pretty, it would still have those emotional ties for me.

Sorry for rambling!!!

adouglasmhor

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Yes, and my husband is Scottish Episcopalian (am I spelling it right?), not very religious though. He had to suffer through classes, poor thing, but fortunately the priest was young, laid back and really nice, so we both survived

Yes it's different for RC than from C of E (which kind of includes Scottish Episcopalian but the wedding for anyone thing is only in England and Wales as it is the established church)
I am also Scottish Episcoplalian but not that devout.

puffinmuffin

Lesson 1 learned on day 1, there will have to be compromises unless you want exactly the same thing! Does he actually want a religious wedding? Can you persuade him to take a look at some of the Approved Premises in your area, just so he can get an idea of what's available? To me, our venue (victorian town hall) is as beautiful as any church with the bonus of not having to endure hymns!

Brighton_belle

MMmm, a dilemma for you, but for me, it wouldn't be a question of 'taste' but deep person integrity that I could not have compromised on: I would have cringed at the thought of marrying in church and if my H2B had insisted, then I would have thought he doesn't understand how important my integrity is, which would have challenged the whole getting married thing.
I agree there are some beautiful churches around, but as neither I nor H2B have any faith, then for usit would have been inappropriate.

We fortunately were of one mind on the whole church thing and had a beautiful brief ceremony married in a very beautiful 18th Century room practically next door to a 1000 yr old Cathedral. We felt very in touch with the past. Some practicing Christians at our wedding were stunned with how beautiful and meaningful the words and ceremony were.
My parents married in a nissan hut not long after the war...:D Marriage still going strong after 60 yrs.

I wish you well with your own choices! I am guessing your DF has never thought outside the box about weddings and is quite conventional (which isn't a critisicm).

LEJC

It sounds to me as if the ohther halves family may not quite have moved with the times and therefore believe that you can only either marry in a church or registry office...and thats the onlt options they think are available...

If I were you do some research in your local area on other buildings that you can marry in...the easiest thing would be to take him or perhaps his mother for an afternoon tea in a nice hotel...and explain to them that you could marry in a place like that if you wanted...I think the point to get across to them is that yes its about "getting married properly" in the eyes of the law but it can be in lots of other venues rather than just a church these days....
Whilst I'm sure it would be lovely to marry in your paddock...£1500 does seem a lot...on the other hand if you could convince others to marry there too then you could set yourself up in the wedding business charging a few hundred pounds a wedding and re couping the cost of the licence ....it could prove profitable!!!!!

minerva_windsong

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Often people haven't realised how lovely other venues can be. IT might take some searching, but I imagine you will find somewhere lovely. I don't think of non religious weddings as 'council house', I think of them as repecting those who do attend church and believe in their God. I, personally don't, so have chosen a town hall. If I did attend a Church I think I would be annoyed at people using the Church to marry in if they didn't attend. Those are my thoughts though, but perhaps it may help your argument!

MEgan

This is why I don't want a church wedding - my family are very devout Catholics but I haven't been to church except for weddings, christenings and funerals since I was a teenager and therefore I don't want a church wedding because I feel it would be hypocritical of me to make promises to a God I don't necessarily believe in in front of them. OH, on the other hand, wants a church wedding because of the history of the building, so I am expecting a huge headache when we come to this as it's something that's caused arguments in the past.

OP, would it be possible for you to maybe have the legal bit at a registry office in a very low-key way - ie just you two and witnesses, not getting dressed up etc - a few days before and then have a blessing in church with everyone there as your 'wedding day'? My sister did something very similar to this - she had the legal part of her wedding in New Zealand as that's where her husband's from originally, and then they came back to the UK and had a ceremony in the church my parents attend (there is a proper word for it but I can't remember what it is), and the only difference from any other church wedding I've been to was that they didn't sign the civil register but did sign the church register. So that could work as a possible option.

adouglasmhor

If anyone wants’ to read the links I have posted earlier in the thread C of E does weddings for non religious people as part of it's role as the state church of England.
No difference in qualifying to marry their as in a Registry office.

bramble1

Wow lots of thoughts on this one, we've not talked about it since really. As i stated in my other thread, i'm struggling to muster the enthusiasm to plan the wedding (i want to get married and be married to him! I just don't want to plan it!) So will probably leave it for the time being and enjoy another year of being engaged!

EllieBelly1

bramble1 wrote: »

Wow lots of thoughts on this one, we've not talked about it since really. As i stated in my other thread, i'm struggling to muster the enthusiasm to plan the wedding (i want to get married and be married to him! I just don't want to plan it!) So will probably leave it for the time being and enjoy another year of being engaged!

Oh no...don't lose heart, planning is fun once you get going and don't get bogged down in unnecessary things. There are loads of cool places to get married, we are having our ceremony at Marwell Zoo but we also considered Highcliffe Castle and various country hotels. We can all help you plan!!