Boarding the Bus of Positivity (for 24 months of travels!)

debtfreesomeday

I'm trying to remain positive, I really am, but if I'm totally honest, I'm at a bit of a low at the moment.
To be honest, I haven't been posting a lot lately as I have had a lot on my mind. Mainly, my mum. Her health has hit a decline again for quite a few months now and it's got to the point where she is in pain day and night and on prescribed morphine daily. The dr has planned a repeat investigation which they can only do in feb at the earliest, so she is suffering until at least then. We all know what they're looking for, but no-one has come out and said it. It feels like life is on hold once again and there is a cloud over my family. I'm not even looking forward to Christmas to be honest, mum may be in agony and it's got to the point where she can't eat for the threat of pain. Our lives just seem to be full of one problem after another after another. We pick ourselves up after one set of devastation to be knocked down by another.
For this reason, I am lacking focus and positivity and feel very down, almost unable to cope if I'm being honest. My spending is out of control - the cc balance has gone up again - and I just can't be bothered.

Today has been a particularly awful day with Ds not happy, me tired and a few other issues. I just wish life would be kind to my family, we've really had more than our fair share of heartache over the years.

debtfreesomeday

Just cut the credit card up. At least can't spend on that any more. One less thing to worry about.

wantabetterlife

Oh DFSD that sounds really awful,my heart goes out to you. There is nothing more stressful than loved ones not being well. I hope you dont mind me asking what is wrong with your mum?, i really hope they get to the bottom of it and that things turn a corner for you and your family. Im not suprised that your spending has went out of control with the pressure your under.. this time of year its so much harder to deal with when your in debt because of the constant advertising and people making you feel you have to spend loads of money to have a good christmas.
Thinking of you WABL

Chocforever

Hi DFSD

Thanks for your post. I wondered if something was wrong. I am really sorry to hear that your Mum is ill again; I recall you saying some time ago that she was having a better patch which, no doubt, makes the present situation and uncertainty even harder to deal with. Life starts to revolve around the next hospital appointment and the hopes and expectations they bring.

I'm sure you have already considered going down to your family to stay for a couple of months. Would this be possible? It might be easier if you were there rather than waiting for updates by phone and to have the support of your family. Not ideal, of course, and I suppose it depends on what tensions there already are.

There is only so much a person can deal with at any time. I wouldn't worry too much about money; saving money takes a lot of time and effort and you need that energy for other things. The credit card bill is all fixable in the longer term.

Take care of yourself. I wish I lived closer to you so I could offer some practical help. If there is anything I can do, send me a PM.

Very best wishes x

debtfreesomeday

Thanks WABL. My Mum has many problems and has been through so much, but in recent years she has been diagnosed with a complex autoimmune disease which could have been the cause of many of her illnesses and problems. She has survived many, many strokes, blood clots, pulmonary embolisms, heart attacks, not to mention the kidney problems, gall bladder etc etc etc she has had in the past. She now suffers from arthritis, burst discs in her neck and horrendous stomach and bowel pain, but no-one can explain why, despite major surgery three years ago. She is a miracle and so strong, she is very positive and despite all this, still puts everyone before herself. She is only in her early 60s too so is not old. It breaks my heart, it really does. Living so far away doesn't help at all.

Thanks for your kind words WABL. Xx

wantabetterlife

Your poor mum DFSD, have they ever tested your mum for Lupus? She is really very young, my mum is also in her early 60s and is in a wheelchair and at times it is so hard for everyone...its times like this that you realise that family are the most important thing in your life and as chocs said credit cards are fixable so dont beat yourself up about it, you have come so far. Xo

Itsadogslife_2

Hi DFSD, I am so sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. I have also felt like you in previous times and did not realise it until a doctor prescribed happy pills and they started to work that I realised quite how low I had been.

Whereabouts in the country are you? Do you have any friends where you live that could help you by maybe taking DS off your hands for a few hours? Do you have a mother and toddler group nearby that you could attend - these can be an outlet to speak to others that might be feeling in similar situations?

As choc said, if you need anything or want to chat on skype or something, pm me

debtfreesomeday

Sorry chocs, our posts crossed. Thank you for your kindness, it is so appreciated.
We are heading home next week for a week or so, but have to work before new year so will be coming back. I then hope to go home for a while at the end of jan/early feb, but it's difficult as we only have the one car. Hubby is very good and says he doesn't mind getting the bus to and from work, but I know it is really inconvenient as he has meetings all over the place most days, plus the bus stop is quite a walk from our house. There is no easy or cheap method of public transport for me to take to get home either. Both the bus and train involve going way out of the way, require at least 3 changes and are so expensive.

I don't know which is worse to be honest, waiting for news over the phone or being there and seeing what's going on. Both are so distressing.

debtfreesomeday

Thank you too, itsadogslife. It sounds awful, but we don't have anyone here who could have Ds for us. The friends we have here work full time, or a few have new baby's of their own so are up to their eyes in it themselves. I tried the m&t group locally, but it was so cliquey, I felt like an outcast, especially as I'm not welsh either (we live in Wales presently).
I have wondered if I should see a doctor, but I don't know what I'd tell them as I don't feel particularly depressed, just p*ssed right off with life throwing us lemons all the time (excuse the swearing!). I don't want to be viewed as crazy or unable to cope as I have been living with serious family illness all of my life, and gave coped so far, I guess.

Thank you for all of your support, all of you. It really does mean a lot.

I am off to try and get some sleep now, I did not sleep well last night - too much on my mind.

Love to all x

debtfreesomeday

wantabetterlife wrote: »

Your poor mum DFSD, have they ever tested your mum for Lupus? She is really very young, my mum is also in her early 60s and is in a wheelchair and at times it is so hard for everyone...its times like this that you realise that family are the most important thing in your life and as chocs said credit cards are fixable so dont beat yourself up about it, you have come so far. Xo

Yes, that's what we thought it was for a long time WABL, but turns out it's a crossover of scleroderma with something else called CREST syndrome. They are very similar to lupus though in many ways.

Sorry to hear your mum's health is not so good either. Like you said, it is so very hard for everyone. X