Tesco Discussion chat & grabbits eleven PLUS

Dwaine_Pipes

A man walks into a brain surgeon's lab looking to buy a new brain.
He asks the surgeon how much the brains cost.

The brain surgeon replies,
"We have a normal human brain here sir, it costs £10000,
or you could have a school teacher's brain, it costs £20000,
and finally we come to a top scientist's and it costs £50000."

The man thinks for a moment and notices a brain sitting alone on the top shelf and says "What about that one?"

"Ah that one is special it costs £200,000, it belonged to a Tesco Trout" replies the surgeon.

"How come it costs so much?", asks the man.

The surgeon replies;
"Because it's never been used." :rotfl:

HappyChappy84

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a Pasty in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.

25 . It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

27. You should not confuse your career with your life.

28. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

29. Never lick a steak knife.

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

33. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


And on that note...

goodnight.

artha

BAILEYS6904 wrote: »

By anything of use, I presume u mean someones id?

Maybes because I have more integrity than they do? Maybe because rather than cause more problems, I'd prefer to take the grief myself so it all settles down? Maybe because what value would be naming them have, other than have the thread descend into another slanging match?

Like I said, I mostly posted to clear things up about Lovecrafting. That done, I'm off



Ohh, the cadburys deadheads are scanning at 1p a packet as well btw

This is like reading a whodunnit where someone has ripped out the last couple of pages;)

To be serious though, if Baileys6904 has good reason to not spill the dirt then I suppose we should respect that:cool:

sharon-p_2

Beki88 wrote: »

Awww bless him, hope he was ok?

My OH managed to melt 3 sterilisers and 9 bottles by forgetting to put water in them! :eek: Good job we were trying to get DD off the bottle anyway lol

Feeling sick I just accidentally ate a full bar of milka daim.

Bless him nothing lol, his whole life has been spent doing stupid stuff like that . He's now a 20 year old uni student living in Surrey and everytime the phone rings or I get a text that starts "Muuuuuuuuum" I just know he's found some new carp to get into......in fact both my kids are walking accidents but thankfully they both are really good, big hearted, thoughtful, generous people who I love to pieces and wouldn't change for the world Can you tell I'm a very proud mum???

Dopey_Sleepy_Grumpy

HappyChappy84 wrote: »

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I think I might use one of these for my signature. They're gr8 :T

Dwaine_Pipes

Beki88 wrote: »

Feeling sick I just accidentally ate a full bar of milka daim.

Funny, that happens to me as well.
I feel really, really sick after accidentally drinking a ten pack of Guinness!

DeeDee74

artha wrote: »

This is like reading a whodunnit where someone has ripped out the last couple of pages;)

To be serious though, if Baileys6904 has good reason to not spill the dirt then I suppose we should respect that:cool:

no i like to know the ending :rotfl:

fudge2

Wow you lot have been busy 2night, new threads, food fight (well buns anyway ) and not even any glitches

I only went away for a few hours to visit some t's and I've spent so long catching up, I never got time to post my new finds.

Well I'm thinking the watermarks on the pics are a great idea :T and if anyone can tell me how to do this on pics in photobucket, then I will do this before I post pics of my new finds tomorrow.

And Locarr :T for starting the new thread, would it be possible to add a bit on the first post to say that just the last few digits of the barcode should be posted, instead of the whole thing

Beki88

Dwaine_Pipes wrote: »

Funny, that happens to me as well.
I feel really, really sick after accidentally drinking a ten pack of Guinness!

It was one of those where I kept just getting a bit more and it wasn't till I couldn't pick up any more did I realise I had scoffed it all.
And wow a ten pack I couldn't even manage one lol :beer:

artha

AmberX wrote: »

goodnight to you all. i'll post tomorrow under my original name. just think before you post and before you join the majority cos it's safer.

Good advice. I'm probably a bit slow but like others I've now worked it out but that is due to the use of the word "sheep";)