church problems- really disappointed

split_second

Hi all had a bit of a mess happen with the church, so much so we arent getting married there now.

We picked it out about 3 months ago, started going regularly and 2 months ago approached the vicar about getting married there- we were told we had to make an appointment and the first chance we could both make was going to be tonight- yep 2 months after first contacting the vicar.

anyway tonight came around, i had arranged a shift slide at work and my fiancee was on a half day, its a difficult day for her as its the anniversary of her mum passing away, anyway off we went to the rectory, and went to the back entrance as directed and rang the doorbell, dogs barked, lights came on at the front, we could even see the rector go to the door, and.......nothing.
we rang the doorbell again.......nothing
and a third time...........nothing.
it was at this point i was starting to think 'fair enough, wasted journey' so my fiancee suggested phoning the vicar, and there was a prerecorded message (no way of leaving a message) that she was unavailable until mid december.

is it totally unreasonable to think we should have had some sort of contact in the last 2 months to say tonight was no good? we have ended up giving up on that church now and are looking for one closer to home (this was my fiancee's dream church in a neighbouring town) what has made things worse is the rector being in and knowing we were at the door, we are certain she doesnt know us by name but knows we are part of the congregation and what if we were in a time of trouble and had gone to her for guidance?

BabyBoots

Obviously you don't know why the vicar was not there for the appointment, but I suppose it could have been some kind of family emergency that prevented them from sending their apologies to you to cancel in advance, if you want to gicve them the benefit of the doubt.

It looks like you have three years to go til your wedding date though, so even if you have to wait another couple of months for an appointment, hopefully you still have plenty of time.

I know it's disappointing that you took time off and re-arranged work for the meeting, but chin up, you'll get it sorted.

floss2

Maybe the doorbell wasn't working and the dogs were barking because they had heard someone?

Maybe the sign is wrong and you should have gone to the front door?

Maybe the regular rector is away (family illness, in hospital etc) and the relief rector didn't know about the back door thing?

Maybe one of you should ask the rector at the service this weekend and make another appointment?

Maysie

Our first meeting with vicar went all wrong as well he never turned up. He had fallen asleep as he was ill and reckoned he had taken some medication that made him sleepier. This was 6pm ! Next meeting was fine though.

For all your know they have had a bereavement or someone close has a serious illness or accident. Try speaking to the church office they probably will be able to tell you more. I would have thought they should have been the ones cancelling the appts.

Sambucus_Nigra

Mountain > Molehill.

Why not find out what actually happened first?

74jax

To be fair if I'd made an appointment 2 months earlier I would have phoned maybe last week to check everything was still ok, however that is just be and I like everything in order.

That said, I would have been a little annoyed too, however we don't actually know the reason for no-one answering the door. The rector may not have heard the door.

When you have been going weekly, has he been there? If so I would think maybe it is an old message on the phone or that phone isn't his 'work' phone and it is to stop people calling it?

I would speak to the church and see before ruling it out. I am not particularly religious, but I would guess if you've been going to a church, then you wouldn't want to stop and change to one which you have no feeling or connection too.

MaggieBaking

Well I think the OP's problem is that they recorded message said that no one was available till December. So it is unlikely that the vicar just fell asleep, just fell ill very quickly that day etc.

To wait for 2 months before you can see someone must mean their busy and organised and I think it's disappointing that they could change the message to say "go away for a couple of weeks" but couldn't ring and contact you to apologise for not making it.

74jax

MaggieBaking wrote: »

Well I think the OP's problem is that they recorded message said that no one was available till December. So it is unlikely that the vicar just fell asleep, just fell ill very quickly that day etc. I was under the impression they saw the vicar every week at church and so I think, like you say, he may well just have fallen ill, and the message on his answering service is an old one.

To wait for 2 months before you can see someone must mean their busy and organised and I think it's disappointing that they could change the message to say "go away for a couple of weeks" but couldn't ring and contact you to apologise for not making it.

I think had the rector heard you, s/he should have answered the door and let you know the whereabouts of the vicar. I can only presume s/he didn't hear.

Have you called this morning to find out what happened?

split_second

we rang the doorbell, dog barked, light came on other side of door (presuming hallway light), few seconds later light went off. doorbell was audible as we could hear it, from experience if a doorball can be heard outside its a bloomin loud one.

we are away from sunday on holiday

Hollie84

Id try calling them and finding out what has happened,as frustrating as it is.also its very far in advance to book are u able to book so far ahead as they generally dont have diaries until 12months before??

wanchai_2

I would imagine that they have been called away to an emergency/bereaved family/seriously ill parishioner, at short notice. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Hope you get another apppointment sorted x