No light at the end of the tunnel......

Deniseg4

Tink, reading about your situation made me cry...my mum was in EXACTLY your position for almost all of my childhood. She was so terrified my dad would find out that she'd run up so much debt that she would go out and find more to cover up what she'd already spent. I can remember being about 10, and we took a taxi ride to some office building 30miles away from our house to pick up an envelope of money. It had to be a taxi so that we could get there and back before my dad found out. She had really bad anxiety, and jumped every time the phone rang. I even remember her getting the mail redirected to my uncles house for a couple of years (yes years!) so that my dad wouldn't open anything. My mother ended up having a nervous breakdown because of it all, so my dad did find out eventually - but guess what? The guy that she'd been too scared to talk to about it ended up making the whole thing better. I think he was more hurt at the fact that she felt like she couldn't talk to him. It was too late though, my mum never really recovered from that, not completely. As the years went by she just went more and more downhill and now she's in a nursing home at the age of 66 in the late stages of Alzheimer's, thought to have been brought on early by her mental health state (she was 54 when diagnosed). Your only 3.5years in, she hid it for 10 before she cracked, so try and take steps now to sort it before it consumes you.

F***, you'd think I would've learned from her mistakes, huh? I've buried my head for seven years and with the full support of mu husband (and sharing of a hole in the ground) that's been hard enough, I could never have survived on my own. My heart goes out to you

Denise
xxxoooxxx

tink28

Dawning wrote: »

That £367 is going somewhere....
I'd get all my cc statements for the last year together and see what else you're spending. Do you really only spend £120 a year on clothes? No haircuts or entertainment or weekends away etc?

I'm in a similar situation, tried to get to grips with the debt over a year ago and am in a worse mess. I sat down with my cc and bank statements, two years' worth and there it all was, all the little bits of impulsive spending I'd forgotten about. It was hard to do it but now I know where I'm slipping up and I'm trying to get back on the straight and narrow.
Good luck!

Well to be honest I haven't really got any statements as I am over my limit on the cards so am not spending on them....

tink28

zepsgal wrote: »

Does your DH not work or claim benefits? You mention them but don't have any income for them? Or is this SOA only based on your half of the bills?

Yes he works but the SOA is for my half of the bills.

tink28

dark^knight wrote: »

You're paying £65/month for phone, TV and internet. Have you looked at packages that can combine all 3 at a lower rate?

I got that wrong on the SOA - its £65/month but I pay half of that

tink28

patman99 wrote: »

I have added a few comments. Can we assume your income is net rather than gross?.

Stop writing to the DCA's. Instead, send them each a cheque for £10 each month. They will not like it, but as long as you keep paying (even if they keep sending the cheque back), their chances of gaining a CCJ against you in Court are nil, as you can prove you paid what you could afford, so the judge would tell them it is their problem if they refuse to accept YOUR payments.

By doing this, you will make them realize you are serious about not having much money and may well offer to accept so much a month in return for them cutting their losses and reducing the over-all amount owed.

My son found all this out when both his mobile phone contracts went into the red and the telcos sold the debts on.

One of the DCA's after realizing they were going to get £1 p/m and no more, offered him a settlement figure that was £250 short of the total owed if he agreed to pay £x.xx p/m. So, he wins, the telco losses.

Thanks for this! I will try this after Xmas... another thing I could do without!!

tink28

Deniseg4 wrote: »

Tink, reading about your situation made me cry...my mum was in EXACTLY your position for almost all of my childhood. She was so terrified my dad would find out that she'd run up so much debt that she would go out and find more to cover up what she'd already spent. I can remember being about 10, and we took a taxi ride to some office building 30miles away from our house to pick up an envelope of money. It had to be a taxi so that we could get there and back before my dad found out. She had really bad anxiety, and jumped every time the phone rang. I even remember her getting the mail redirected to my uncles house for a couple of years (yes years!) so that my dad wouldn't open anything. My mother ended up having a nervous breakdown because of it all, so my dad did find out eventually - but guess what? The guy that she'd been too scared to talk to about it ended up making the whole thing better. I think he was more hurt at the fact that she felt like she couldn't talk to him. It was too late though, my mum never really recovered from that, not completely. As the years went by she just went more and more downhill and now she's in a nursing home at the age of 66 in the late stages of Alzheimer's, thought to have been brought on early by her mental health state (she was 54 when diagnosed). Your only 3.5years in, she hid it for 10 before she cracked, so try and take steps now to sort it before it consumes you.

F***, you'd think I would've learned from her mistakes, huh? I've buried my head for seven years and with the full support of mu husband (and sharing of a hole in the ground) that's been hard enough, I could never have survived on my own. My heart goes out to you

Denise
xxxoooxxx

Hey!!

Sorry to hear about your mum!! I guess I know how she feels.... I feel like I'm gonna have a breakdown sometimes - even crying when walking down the road on my own!!!
I know I should tell DH but I know he wouldn't be understanding at all so it makes it that little bit harder.
Yes I also worry about the phone ringing, and the mail etc.... so I'm always on tenterhooks.... now I know most of you reading this will be thinking 'why not just tell him' - but trust me if it was that easy I wouldn't be in this situation . I sometimes wonder why I stay with him as everything is always so difficult but hey ho

AngryDog

I hope you get sorted Tink I really do. I arent in a position to comment on your relationship, but it does make me wonder why he wouldnt understand. I wouldnt want someone like that in my life if im honest.

tink28

Thanks AngryDog..... I know!! Its just a real sh**y situation at the moment the moment! Double standards and all that come to mind but hey ho...

Anyway its a new year soon so hopefully can get things sorted. Mortgage is up for review but am thinking of going on an interest only option for the next 12 months to give me a little breather - if I do that I could potentially pay off at least 6k in debt next year! (any thoughts / opinions on this anyone)

Plus am going to look at cutting down on other stuff i.e. Virgin... the extra box we have (but dont think I actually pay for that so will double check) etc etc....

Have also just signed up to Ebid so will try and sell some stuff on there - am thinking of doing a boot sale in the next couple of weeks as well

AngryDog

Whats the difference between Ebid and eBay?

I know how you mean about your situation. I was in similar except my OH understood. However things didnt work between us too well and various other reasons forced us to split, though we are looking at reconcilling as she has promised she will do more.

New Year new you. I dont know about intererst only mortgages I am afraid, but I'm sure someone will be along soon to offer help and advice. Cutting down is good .

tink28

They are the same kinda thing except the fees on Ebid are cheaper.... the maximum you pay is 3% compared to Ebay at 8.7% or something... will give it a go and see how I get on

Good luck with the reconciliation :T