Worried about friend's drinking

adelight

It's really quite normal (not that it's okay!). If her friends tell her in the morning how much of an idiot and how dangerous it was and stop asking her out then hopefully she'll get the message. She might forget about her new resolve after a few drinks so her friends can steer her away from the bar to dance instead, or be like "we're all skint £10 budget" so she can't afford much.
Does your DD do things that don't involve alcohol? Sooo many students seem to forget there is more to life than booze and that they don't have to drink everytime they socialise.

Don't tell her parents, it breaks the girls trust, will wreck DD's relationship with her and her parents may be very angry with you for "interfering".

pinkclouds

If your daughter is 18 and has known this friend since she was 3, I'd infer that they are the same age and possibly know each other from school? Thus, this friend - who has been drinking to excess since 18 - has only been behaving like this for a few months max, possibly even just a few weeks. And it is possible, perhaps subconsciously, that your daughter may paint herself in a better light than her friend - who may be slightly exaggerated as an example of how much worse someone else is. They are not long from childhood, after all.

It is relatively common problem and does not necessarily bode ill for the future. Many kids go to uni, hit legal drinking age and then proceed to get totally wrecked several times. After a few of these episodes (in some cases, the hard of learning can take the entire first year and/or some exam failures before they wisen up and sober up) they will eventually learn how much they can drink before getting wasted and how sensible it actually is to do that when they need a few good grades to get into the next year, stay in uni and accrue a reasonable honours/pass grade.

If your daughter doesn't want to deal with it, then she should just cut her out of her social life for the interim. Alternatively, the mobile filming/photo suggestion would a good way of embarrassing said friend into better behaviour. Or, at the extreme, there is the option of humiliation - leaving her at the end of the night somewhere safe (foyer of student halls, collegiate dining room, etc) but visible. However, all of these things run the definite risk of said friend dumping your daughter and/or retaliating in some fashion!

Personally - and the most advisable game plan - it would be easiest to avoid going out drinking with her, leaving early when she does go out with her (before she has to escort her home), discretely assisting public embarrassment (e.g. not denying it when someone says to friend "oh, I saw you drunk and/or in embarrassing condition last night") and inoffensively refusing to assist with drunken problems (e.g. "sorry I can't lend you my jacket because you've thrown up over your clothes - I'm already lending it to someone/I have Reynaulds and can't get cold/I'm allergic to beer and need to cover my arms" - anything really, she won't remember the exact reason if she's drunk).

I hasten to point out that if the drinking is daily/habitual, changes to behaviour/personality, change to appetite, loss of bladder control, etc. Then yes, of course, alcoholism is a *very* serious matter and needs to be dealt with by professionals. But this sounds more like typical student stuff rather than anything else. And, lovely as I'm sure your daughter must be, this is second hand information. And I'm responding to third hand information...

fluffnutter

Hmm, 18 year olds don't make great moral guides. When I was that age if any of my friends had questioned my drinking because of their 'concern' for me, I'd have found it unbelievably patronising. This isn't your daughter's problem or business, OP, despite their being friends. However, if it ruins her own nights out then she has the right to act on that. Other than that, anything else is misguided.

magenta22

I wouldn't speak to her parents about it.

She's 18, at that age when they think they are adult enough but not actually that responsible. We all did it at that age.

Difficult for your daughter, if she ruins the nights out - do they have to tell her they are meeting up?

Maybe they can get the drinks in and tell her they have got her a vodka and coke but sometimes just get her a plain coke. Probably not possible but perhaps?

You can't tell an 18 year old - they 'know' best!

scheming_gypsy

Also depends what she drinks. If she's drinking voda it doesn't take effect until the hell train comes to visit; you can drink a bottle and be perfectly sober, then it hits you all in one dirty great left hook.

katerinasol

If my friends told my parents about my drinking when I was 18, I would be furious with them. Uni only started a few months ago - so she's enjoying the student lifestyle and like someone said, finding out what her limit is. She's not going to learn to be responsible for her wellbeing if Mummy and Daddy will always be there to tell her off.

That said, I'm 22 and I know what my limit is - I started drinking when underage and got into all sorts of adventures. So now even though I'm sensible 99% of the time, sometimes I still like getting really, really drunk. And I wish people were more relaxed about drinking here in the UK.

The only thing your daughter can do really is to tell her friend that she doesn't want to go out with her as she gets in such a state. But then what do we know? Maybe her friend is 'normal' student drunk and your daughter isn't used to it? Maybe your daughter is subconsciously making herself look better? Maybe it only happened a couple of times but she only tells you about the times it got really bad? Not saying she's not telling the truth or anything, and hope that didn't sound too annoying, but it is difficult to tell what the situation is over the Internet.

rachbc

I think getting wreaked and behaving like a edjit is a right of passage and fairly common for 18 year olds - they have been at uni less than 1 term - about 7/8 weeks - give her time to settle down before getting parents or anyone else involved. I certainly drank too much (and worse) on more than one occassion at University and i suspect your own daughter will do at some point too.

Person_one

rachbc wrote: »

I think getting wreaked and behaving like a edjit is a right of passage and fairly common for 18 year olds - they have been at uni less than 1 term - about 7/8 weeks - give her time to settle down before getting parents or anyone else involved. I certainly drank too much (and worse) on more than one occassion at University and i suspect your own daughter will do at some point too.

Absolutely.

Its not even Christmas yet in her first year of uni? Give the girl a break.

Binge drinking at uni does not usually translate into alcoholism or major problems after uni, or a huge chunk of the population would be addicts!

Plenty of people drink, smoke, take drugs, sleep till 2pm, live off fatty junk food and have tons of casual sex while at uni but then leave ready to settle down, get a job and be a grown up.

katerinasol

Person_one wrote: »

Plenty of people drink, smoke, take drugs, sleep till 2pm, live off fatty junk food and have tons of casual sex while at uni but then leave ready to settle down, get a job and be a grown up.

Guilty!

If she doesn't figure out her limits for herself, she's never going to figure them out. And it's better to do this at 18 than 28.

Katgrit

Sticky situation. As others have said I dont think getting involved yourself, or anyone going to the girl's parents is likely to be well received. If your daughter and her other friends want advice on how exactly to make the friend realise she's over the top I can only think that videoing her when she's really out of it and making her watch it back when she's sober. Seeing herself lying in the gutter covered in her own vomit, or lying on the floor of the kebab shop with people laughing at her, or slurringly chatting blokes up while their mates snigger may be the only way to get through to her.