Worried about friend's drinking

Dippy_Egg

Hello. I'm not really a newbie, but have logged in under a new name as this is very delicate and would hate for those concerned to recognise themselves

My daughter is 18 and in her first year at uni. She's having a great time! She had a group of friends over this weekend, who she was at school with and has known for over 7 years.

The friend she's worried about she's known since she was 3. Ever since she hit 18, she's drunk to excess, and DD says that nearly every time they go out is ruined as DD and her friends have to look after their friend, so their enjoyment of the evening is ruined

What DD is really worried about, though, is the health and wellbeing of her friend. She's pretty confident that her parents have no idea now drunk she gets (though as a mother myself, I feel they must have some inking). Maybe they just aren't aware of the extent or frequency, especially as she is now at uni over 100 miles away.

DD and other friends have spoken to her but she denies she has a problem. DD is now wondering if she should speak to her friend's parents.

DH and I are good friends with the parents (and the girl herself) and I'm happy to speak to them directly.

Please can someone give us some suggestions as to what we should do.

Thank you all :A

crazyguy

I would personaly steer clear and let the kids sort it out between themselves at the end of the day the vast majority of us done this at there age and it is after all a learning curve.

DVardysShadow

Is she an adult or a child? Only if she is a child should the parents be involved. Otherwise anyone involved should speak to the young lady herself.

Of course if she ends up hospitalised, the parents should be informed.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Keep out of it. Telling the parents won't help her - if she realises she has a problem, then she can address it. Nobody else can.

The best thing for the friends to do is not go out with her, as she can always get slaughtered because someone else is there to look after her. If they refuse, then she will either find new friends and carry on, think 'I'd better stop taking the p out of my mates' and stop, or think 'oh, crap, I can't stop. I need help'



Ultimately she is an adult and it's up to her what she does. They should not feel obliged to deal with the consequences for her.

claire16c

My friend had a friend at school was who like that.

They simply stopped asking her out because they were sick of looking after her and taking her home all the time.

The tried at first to just leave her to it, but it was kind of impossible to leave a drunk woman in a town centre at night when it came down to it as obviously they were worried about what could happen to her. So it was easier to just go out without her.

Glitzkiss

No you should not approach the other parents. Your DD is now an adult and your only role is giving her advice on how she should deal with the situation.

Proc

An 18 year old uni student going out getting wrecked all the time?

I don't believe you, OP!

Kay_Peel

Binge drinking is very dangerous in both the short and long term, as we know (alcohol poisoning, vulnerability to exploitation and attacks, and sclerosis of the liver, for instance).

Your daughter should concentrate on things that she herself can control, not things beyond her control. She can control whom she socialises with. The more she acts as a carer, the freer her friend is to behave recklessly. By looking after her and making sure that she gets home in one piece and still in her (wet) knickers, she colludes in her friend's risky actions.

I would advise my daughter to say something like ....... 'I'm sorry. I can't responsible for your health and welfare when you are drunk and neither do I want my social life to be spoilt by your selfish behaviour. I've talked with the rest of the group and they agree that you should find yourself another carer while you're in this frame of mind. We'd prefer it if you didn't join us this or any other weekend, while you are binge-drinking'.

Good luck to her!

Mupette

Dippy_Egg wrote: »

Hello. I'm not really a newbie, but have logged in under a new name as this is very delicate and would hate for those concerned to recognise themselves

My daughter is 18 and in her first year at uni. She's having a great time! She had a group of friends over this weekend, who she was at school with and has known for over 7 years.

The friend she's worried about she's known since she was 3. Ever since she hit 18, she's drunk to excess, and DD says that nearly every time they go out is ruined as DD and her friends have to look after their friend, so their enjoyment of the evening is ruined

What DD is really worried about, though, is the health and wellbeing of her friend. She's pretty confident that her parents have no idea now drunk she gets (though as a mother myself, I feel they must have some inking). Maybe they just aren't aware of the extent or frequency, especially as she is now at uni over 100 miles away.

DD and other friends have spoken to her but she denies she has a problem. DD is now wondering if she should speak to her friend's parents.

DH and I are good friends with the parents (and the girl herself) and I'm happy to speak to them directly.

Please can someone give us some suggestions as to what we should do.

Thank you all :A

i'm sure they all have mobiles (or most of them)
film her and show her when she is sober

scheming_gypsy

Dippy_Egg wrote: »

The friend she's worried about she's known since she was 3. Ever since she hit 18, she's drunk to excess, and DD says that nearly every time they go out is ruined as DD and her friends have to look after their friend, so their enjoyment of the evening is ruined

Is that all the information you have?
does she drink daily? 5 times a week? they go out once a week, twice a fortnight or once a month? How often are they going out for her to get 'drunk to excess'?
If she's getting drunk every night or very often, then there could be a problem but if they only go out once a week or once a month; then the only problem is that she hasn't worked out her limit.

BugglyB

I had a friend like this at uni - she once got so drunk she fell through a glass table in a club!

I dont think there's any simple answer, I dont believe in teling her parents, I dont see how it can help. If I was you I'd advise your daughter to talk to her, try and find out if she is unhappy or feeling insecure, also to talk to her about personal safety, and drinking advice, like having soft drinks between alcoholic ones. Short of that your daughter needs to learn this life lesson, that as a friend or lover you can't 'fix' people in that position, you can only offer support.