Saving the Date - what to include?

Torry_Quine

To answer the points raised:-

I never used the word ridiculous.

I mentioned age as until MSE I'd never even heard of 'save the date' far less received one so I can only presume it's a relatively new thing used by the present generation of brides and I've been married over 20 years so presumably a bit older than other contributers.

Many on here mention getting married several years after getting engaged which I'm sorry but I just can't get my head round. To me you meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and then get married and set up home together. Does it make me old-fashioned to regret that many nowadays do things in a different order to many it may but I am who I am and doubt I'll change now.

SaLoGo

The only reason for my 'long' engagement (21 months) is so that my OH and I have time to pay for the wedding. We could get a loan and get married next year but I don't want to start married life in debt. Yes, the wedding is an age away, but it will be all paid for before the day.

alipops1986

Golly! I didn't mean to cause such a heated debate - obviously, having never done this wedding malarky before I like to gage opinions and advice.

Many thanks to those constructive responses - I shall send them to day guests only, again i'm buying them in advance purely because there's an offer on Vista Print! I don't plan on sending them yet, at all.

Also, on the distance front, our wedding is in 2013 for two reasons:
1. My parents emigrated but are coming back home for good next year!
2. It costs money, regardless of your budget, it takes money. Fact.

SaLoGo

alipops1986 wrote: »

i'm buying them in advance purely because there's an offer on Vista Print! I don't plan on sending them yet, at all.

I wasn't going to bother with them at all until I heard about the Vista Print offer!!

lisajane8482

SaLoGo wrote: »

I wasn't going to bother with them at all until I heard about the Vista Print offer!!

Same here. I use vista print for T-shirts for my dad, he likes to have witty slogans so I design my own when they're cheap and when I got the offer codes for free magnets I thought "why not, they're free". I also ordered a couple of personalised pens for the guest book since they were free too.

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I
To me when I got engaged I wanted to be married to be able to start living with the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. To me the wedding comes at the start of the relationship not somewhere down the road when it is affordable.

Lol, yes, this might be a generational thing. Your comments remind me very much of my nan who makes no great secret of the fact that "in her day" marriage was very much about getting your leg over and little else. She's quite baffled that anyone these days would want to "buy the cow" of marriage when they're getting the err "milk" for free.

I've tried telling her that it's about standing up in front of your friends and family and making a commitment, sharing and celebrating your love, that kinda thing, but she really doesn't see it.

Torry_Quine

Idiophreak wrote: »

Lol, yes, this might be a generational thing. Your comments remind me very much of my nan who makes no great secret of the fact that "in her day" marriage was very much about getting your leg over and little else. She's quite baffled that anyone these days would want to "buy the cow" of marriage when they're getting the err "milk" for free.

I've tried telling her that it's about standing up in front of your friends and family and making a commitment, sharing and celebrating your love, that kinda thing, but she really doesn't see it.

I doubt very much that I'm old enough to be your granny!:eek:

I certainly don't think that marriage is about 'getting your leg over' as you so quaintly put it but I do see what you mean.

It definitely is about making a commitment for life in front of the people most important to you. However I do feel that should be before 'getting your leg over, and yes I am aware that isn't a popular view.

SaLoGo

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I doubt very much that I'm old enough to be your granny!:eek:

I certainly don't think that marriage is about 'getting your leg over' as you so quaintly put it but I do see what you mean.

It definitely is about making a commitment for life in front of the people most important to you. However I do feel that should be before 'getting your leg over, and yes I am aware that isn't a popular view.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it's unpopular! There's no right or wrong way to life, only to live it as you see fit.

After one failed marriage where we didn't set up him until after we were wed, the right thing for me this time was to set up home before we were wed!

Idiophreak

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I certainly don't think that marriage is about 'getting your leg over' as you so quaintly put it but I do see what you mean.

Perhaps I might have phrased it more delicately nonetheless, I think there's a definite generational shift whereby marriage used to be a "prerequisite", if you will, to a certain way of life...it enabled you to "get your leg over", as I put it, and to "set up home together" as you put it, and to start a family...

Personally, I think it's a great thing that attitude has shifted. There's only one reason to get married these days - and that's because you want to. It's not a practical decision anymore, it's a romantic one...and that, for me, just can't be a bad thing...

I also think, and I know you'll disagree, that it allows you to take marriage more seriously - or if not take it more seriously, then make marriage a more worthwhile institution...the idea you might "meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and then get married" as you put it fills my heart with sadness...to me it means one of two things:

a) You're not taking a life-long commitment seriously enough if you're really willing to dive into it without "knowing" your partner in all ways, without seeing what they're like to live with, without weathering some storms with them...Don't get me wrong, I believe in "true love", "love at first sight", the whole "your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another" business...But I also believe in "loving moderately" and working at your relationship.

b) You're so committed to the idea of marriage that you'll dive in to this marriage and "make it work" at any cost - and here we account for the millions of women who continue to suffer at the hands of domestic violence "to keep the marriage together", all the women who live (imho) fairly empty, sad lives with a man they don't really love...And a statistician somewhere ticks them off as another "successful" marriage. *shudder*.

Robinred

Well I'm definitely sending them now as I want to be in the modern club! Mine are free as made from scraps, sending them out with xmas cards, and sent with love to those who want to know the date. And sent from a wonderful cohabited home in which my partner and I delight in female emancipation. Booyakasha!