Sat here in tears at the thought of work...

mandyc

CFC wrote: »

Your very first step is to ask for a meeting with her. In that meeting tell her the way you feel. Don't argue about the facts - even if you are wrong on every single factual point of policy or procedure, that's not the point. The point is the way you feel. Tell her it makes you feel belittled when she criticises you in public, and that you feel that you don't have a very good working relationship and ask how it could be improved between the two of you.

If that doesn't work, then keep your notes and go down a grievance procedure. If you have never indicated that you don't like it, she is never going to stop it.

This is exactly the right advice. If you have had Bullying and Harrassment Advisors this is what they would suggest and they would facilitate such a meeting and support you at the meeting although they would not get involved.

I found that often managers were not aware of the policy and if they were approached about this problem would sweep it under the carpet by saying such things as "well you know what so and so's like." as they don't want to get involved.

One case I worked on involved a fairly senior member of staff who was well know to be a bully but because of her status no-one would take any action. Eventually one member of staff couldn't stand it any longer and came to me with her catalogue of incidents which involved not only her but other members of staff. I helped her with the initial approaches and was really pleased as I thought she had the strength and resolve to go through with this when other members of staff did not. The person being bullied was within a year or so of retirement and was suddenly offered a secondment to a higher grade at another site. This was an offer she couldn't refuse as the increased pay would be reflected in her pension and I don't blame her for being "bought off" but I think it shows that management were aware of the situation but would not face up to it.

You spend a large amount of your waking time at work and you should not be dreading going into work because of the actions of one person but I do realise it does take great strength to take on a bully and I do hope that your TU can help you.

GotToChange

I hope you can get this sorted out OP; once these issues start, they simply have to be addressed. The problem is that all kinds of spin can be put on things and it becomes a terrible downward spiral (that can - I'm sorry to say - end up with you as the loser).

Please take every step - and precaution that you can - to not let there be a bad outcome for you.

Simply to put into perspective the way you are spoken to in public - NO, it is is not acceptable. Sometimes, people are promoted beyond their abilities and they simply do not have the skills to be in a supervisory position.

A case in point: I had the misfortune to be the subordinate of a someone (me 45, him 25) who, when I (having been told by someone senior to him, that I was expected to bring new ides "to the table") queried a particular process, shouted across a room (full bellow) and in front of colleagues and a bunch of client truck drivers, that "You're not paid to ****ing think, you stupid **** ing ****, just do the ****ing job."

I went through the whole process of notes, checking policies, HR, meetings, "support" etc etc etc. I still didn't win.

Do not let your circumstances get out of hand hun.
(And if you are at Seafield Logistics, get out now.)

dandelionclock30

If someone had spoken to me like that they would have been on the ground! or I would have got them back later on my own terms.
You did well to keep your temper.

Februarycat

I was in a similar position to you earlier this year at my work, in the end I got made redundant, this was her way to getting rid of me, but luckily I got another job straightaway and although its lower pay and I'm doing something completely different it's great, no stress, and I can actually go into work without that black cloud over me and feeling depressed. Keep looking and hopefully something will turn up and you can get out. It's an awful feeling when you have that kind of situation at work. Good luck.

nottslass_2

Right,so I managed to "survive" today at work,spoke to my collegue who would be quite willing to validate the way I've been spoken too by this person.

My plan of action is of follows..........

My supervisor is on annual leave next week and I'll take the opportunity to have an "informal discussion" with the department manager,this will hopefully give me the chance to get my point across and give the manager time to digest what the problem is without the situation "blowing up" and the whole thing getting confrontational,which TBH is not something I can deal with at the mo (will probably sit there snivelling,if that happens). The only problem is that I think the manager has been drip fed negativity (about me) so that will be another obstacle to try and overcome...............

Thank you all for your support and advice -you really don't know how much this has given me the strength not to let the situation continue and try to get things sorted.

I'll update.

patman99

If you think this other more senior manager has been drip-fed negative comments about you and you can find the proof, then this could very well be the end of your bullies' career. A person in a management role cannot spread false information, neither can they victimize a person in the way she does to you.

With the right evidence and enough witnesses, a court would shred the b1tch.

Adamthegreat984

nottslass wrote: »

I've been bullied by my supervisor for about two years now,but unfortunately its the drip,drip sort and so hard to prove and in any case even if I did go higher and put in a grievance she's blackened my name with the department manager who thinks she can do no wrong...........

I had a (yet another)job interview today and they've just phoned me to tell me I've been unsuccessful and now I'm sat here pathetically snivelling at the thought of having to face work tomorrow,I can't sleep at night and seem to spend all week with my stomach churning waiting for the next dig...............

I've been keeping a diary of the incidents,but I've been so ground down by it all I really haven;t got any strength left to do anything with it............

Pathetic aren't I ?

Rant over

went through this in a hotel for a last 2 years of a 6 year stint that ended when i quit in may 1st 2010. been struggling to find work ever since !!

just a !!!!ing vicious circle in this country

nottslass_2

Adamthegreat984 wrote: »

went through this in a hotel for a last 2 years of a 6 year stint that ended when i quit in may 1st 2010. been struggling to find work ever since !!

just a !!!!ing vicious circle in this country

Hope you manage to get lucky soon:)

Its terrible that their are so many who've suffered at the hands of bullies - I wonder how they sleep at night....................

CFC

nottslass wrote: »

Right,so I managed to "survive" today at work,spoke to my collegue who would be quite willing to validate the way I've been spoken too by this person.

My plan of action is of follows..........

My supervisor is on annual leave next week and I'll take the opportunity to have an "informal discussion" with the department manager,this will hopefully give me the chance to get my point across and give the manager time to digest what the problem is without the situation "blowing up" and the whole thing getting confrontational,which TBH is not something I can deal with at the mo (will probably sit there snivelling,if that happens). The only problem is that I think the manager has been drip fed negativity (about me) so that will be another obstacle to try and overcome...............

Thank you all for your support and advice -you really don't know how much this has given me the strength not to let the situation continue and try to get things sorted.

I'll update.

Remember this is not about your work, or about whether the supervisor is right or wrong in her criticism of your work. If your supervisor has given negative feedback to your manager about you, whether right or wrong, it is even more important that you focus on the positives that you want ' a better relationship moving forward' and the way that you feel. Any negative feedback about you given to the manager should not colour the communications in this situation if you approach it in this manner.


Whatever you do do not get into the specifics about your work, because they are irrelevant.

Mischa8

I read through all the thread of this post in absolute disgust (not at you but at your bully).

I was last bullied about 20 years ago before legislation was brought in. I was a receptionist/data input person in a small petroleum company but with about 50 staff. There was an office manager. My bully was directors' secretary who got promoted to chairman's secretary whilst I was there. At first it was small stuff like belittling me for being late or for having made a small comment that she was late (not nasty just a comment) etc... It gradually built up over 18 months and I got an unfair verbal warning from the chairman, a terrifying man! Before this chat, I had a casual chat with said secretary who suggested I "pull my socks up" workwise this is...! Eventually I developed work-related anxiety/depression (I had it then, not now!) and resigned from job but not after I was off sick for 2 weeks signed off with anxiety/insomnia etc and on sick note it said (I'm almost certain!) 'due to workplace'.

My mum (I was 19, still living at home) actually rang the Office Manager who'd been off sick for an operation and had a chat, mum told OM how upset I was and it was totally unacceptable for Janice (not her real name!) to make me feel like this. Of course OM had no idea of what was happening or how Janice had behaved towards me. I actually, amazingly had to go into office after I'd left to explain some work to Janice which I did, albeit reluctantly.

I was lucky in that after all this, I went to college, got trained etc and got another job etc...

I found out though (a few years later, as I was in touch with another male colleague who'd stayed there) that Janice actually got in serious trouble herself, written warning as she started throwing her weight around and being nasty to other members of staff (graduates and men as I was told) who didn't take kindly to this attitude! Too late for me however!

It was strange, another PA/secretary started there whilst I was there who was in her 30's and very experienced work-wise, she overheard what Janice said to me one day and said to me 'That's bullying, she shouldn't have been saying/treating you like that'. Another colleague, who was slightly older also told me beforehand 'I wouldn't let Janice speak to me like that'. But I was young, had been bullied at school etc and had no idea how to deal with such a nasty person. I think as this was my 2nd job I was inexperienced but I certainly wasn't unprofessional and I did my job, was polite, on time etc... And back in those days, no unions or not in my field of work...

I did do a short assertiveness course after this which really helped me be assertive in future.

My mum also got me this book:-

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullying-Work-How-Confront-Overcome/dp/185381542X

which was/is very helpful.

And yes, I know exactly the feelings of dread but hopefully nowadays with correct rules and regulations these nasty and unprofessional people can't behave like this anymore!