Help with a friends problem

DUTR

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Ok so this is a bit of a weird situation that I've never been in before...

My friend text me about 3:30am this morning to tell me that her dad tried to f**k someone who is the same age as us (24 years old) and she is now crying on the floor (in their house I assume, she lives with her dad) and that she doesn't know what to do. I didn't get the text until I woke up so I asked her what she did and she said she got her bro to drive her to her boyfriends house and she doesn't know what she is supposed to do now. She said that the woman (who is married) wasn't up for it at all and she doesn't know how far it went but the woman was crying her eyes out. So I mean obviously this person is an adult and everything but it sort of sounds like...well, you know what it sounds like.

I have no idea what to say to her or what to suggest. Should I suggest she stays at her boyfriends for a bit (she is still there atm)? Or to go home to talk to her dad? I'm trying to help her, but quite frankly I haven't a clue as to what I should say.

I'm willing to bet that alcohol was involved (her dad goes down the pub A LOT), so maybe its just all be blown out of proportion and he tried it on and she got freaked out and started making a scene. On the other hand, it could be a lot more serious.

No we don't know what it sounds like :eek:
As the details are scatty, then it is not fair to jump any conclusions, both adults you mention are of consenting age, just because there is an age difference makes little odds.

Welshwoofs

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

But I can't help but feel involved now, I mean what if her dad did actually do something? I can't just turn a blind eye to that.

I'm sorry but you can turn a 'blind eye' to it because you were blind to it. You weren't there and even if your friend does tell you everything, it's simply second hand information. Your friend, if she saw what happened and believes a law was broken could go to the police, but from what you said in your first post "she doesn't know how far it went" so it doesn't sound as though she's a terribly reliable witness to anything that may or may not have occurred either.

Honestly? You may feel involved but the reality is that you aren't. You weren't there. Your role in this is simply to give support and a sympathetic ear to your friend when and if she wants to talk about it.

thorsoak

You weren't there, your friend isn't sure what happened - so let it be - it's nothing to do with you.

Although I would advise you, in the circumstances as told to you/us, that you do not have too much contact with her father if he/you have been drinking! And definitely don't find yourself alone with him!

make_me_wise

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

She said that the woman (who is married) wasn't up for it at all and she doesn't know how far it went but the woman was crying her eyes out. So I mean obviously this person is an adult and everything but it sort of sounds like...well, you know what it sounds like.

The only person who knows what happened and how she feels about it is the woman your friend found upset. If she has been raped or assaulted she is the only one who can contact the police. It is only her who will be able to say what happened and who the police can gain evidence from if necessary. Anything anyone else could say would just be speculation.

Tell your friend that you are sorry she has been left so upset by whatever went on and that if she needs to talk you will be there for her.

mrs_marty

All you can do is be there for your friend as she will need your support if the police do become involved as it's her Dad that is the accused in a small town where she is bound to know of the woman. They will need to speak to the police too, if she was at home etc at the time.

She will also need your support even if the police aren't involved as at the end of the day none of us would like this accusation about our fathers.

coin_operated_girl

We'll I've spoken to my friend a bit more but she hasn't said much. She just seems in shock, so I don't know if something else has happened or what. My friend wants to move out but has no money and nowhere to go- shes not the drama queen type at all, so I'm a bit worried. I've offered to pay for her train ticket if we she wants to crash at mine for a bit just to get away from everything for a few days and I'm sure she will be able to stay with her bf (who also live with his parents, so now sure how long she could stay there for). Other than that I don't know what else I can do so I'm going to keep out of it unless she wants to talk to me.

Acc72

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

I'll see if I can find out who it is and maybe get her side of the story.

Why would you do that ?

You need to fully understand what happened before you do anything.

It could be that your friends dad has been "seeing" this woman and they had an argument.

The daughter (same age as woman) may not have known about their relationship and is upset at the thought of her dad having a relationship with somebody the same age as her (who she probably knows as they live in a small village) and also that they kept their relationship a secret.

Lotus-eater

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Other than that I don't know what else I can do so I'm going to keep out of it unless she wants to talk to me.

Sounds like the best thing to do.

coin_operated_girl

Acc72 wrote: »

Why would you do that ?

You need to fully understand what happened before you do anything.

It could be that your friends dad has been "seeing" this woman and they had an argument.

The daughter (same age as woman) may not have known about their relationship and is upset at the thought of her dad having a relationship with somebody the same age as her (who she probably knows as they live in a small village) and also that they kept their relationship a secret.

Yeah you're right, I've had a bit of time to think about it now and I've decided to just stay out of it. I think I was just angry last night because if he did do something then i don't think he should get away with it. But that is an incredibly massive if and its not up to me to play detective and start making accusations based on second hand info.

BugglyB

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

We'll I've spoken to my friend a bit more but she hasn't said much. She just seems in shock, so I don't know if something else has happened or what. My friend wants to move out but has no money and nowhere to go- shes not the drama queen type at all, so I'm a bit worried. I've offered to pay for her train ticket if we she wants to crash at mine for a bit just to get away from everything for a few days and I'm sure she will be able to stay with her bf (who also live with his parents, so now sure how long she could stay there for). Other than that I don't know what else I can do so I'm going to keep out of it unless she wants to talk to me.

Well thats the best thing to do.

Its hard when your friend has a crisis and it seems like the world is ending for them. You want to fix stuff and make it better and do something but the best thing you can do is be calm and say, I am here for you, I will be here for you, let me know if I can help in any way, then just step back.