Finally reaching out for some help...

Cherryjack

we will definetly be here for you while he is away xxx you can plan some nice stuff for his return

kerri_dfw

Not a great money day today, went to town with my sister which meant spending £10 on a meal for lunch for myself, her spend was £15 for her and my nephew. Really annoyed about this as she didn't take the hint that I can't afford to go out for lunch. Did then buy my parents a cinema ticket for tonight and used a free ticket I have so it was bogof :-) mum's transferred the £7.50 into my account already :-)

I did have a lovely time with my nephew though, we walked him through Bournemouth gardens to park for free, and didn't take a pushchair with us. He was soooo tired when we got back home.

Just had a call with the OH, he's starting to think that our quality of life in this country isn't very good and he's seriously considering moving abroad when he qualifies. I really don't want to move away from my family, also my health is looked after in this country free of charge. I think I need to make it really clear to him that I'm not ever going to move abroad.

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Not a great money day today, went to town with my sister which meant spending £10 on a meal for lunch for myself, her spend was £15 for her and my nephew. Really annoyed about this as she didn't take the hint that I can't afford to go out for lunch.

She won't.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Did then buy my parents a cinema ticket for tonight and used a free ticket I have so it was bogof :-) mum's transferred the £7.50 into my account already :-)

:T

kerri_dfw wrote:

Just had a call with the OH, he's starting to think that our quality of life in this country isn't very good and he's seriously considering moving abroad when he qualifies. I really don't want to move away from my family,

Why?

kerri_dfw wrote:

also my health is looked after in this country free of charge.

It isn't. The cost is just hidden from you.

kerri_dfw wrote:

I think I need to make it really clear to him that I'm not ever going to move abroad.

Do you have other reasons?

kerri_dfw

Ok have been in tears on the phone with OH and finally we've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to live abroad forever, he says he just wants the jet-setter lifestyle.... (He realises he's 35 and not getting any younger right?) I've told him that I could work with 1-2 years possibly even whilst on mat leave (this is a long way off). But I wouldn't mind a bit of jet-setting if it doesn't compromise my career

Right now for a massive rant about my sister, I know you love these.

So we know the back story, I paid off £2500ish she then went and got herself £5k in debt getting her boobs done. I put £2k on her catalogue, paid her £200 a month and she pocketed half the cash leaving her £900 in debt with the catalogue and missing payments.

Now for the rant... I've found out today that my Dad has bailed my sister out and she has to pay him back £25 a week. How on earth is she ever going to learn her lesson about money if she gets bailed out? I know I shouldn't have bailed her out in the first place, but I really did think she wouldn't get herself further into debt. Given that my Dad knows she's not learnt her lesson I can't see rhyme nor reason why he has done it. I am never ever lending her money again, and I really don't believe he should. If it takes bailiffs coming to her door for her to learn the hard lesson about money, then that's what it takes. But whilst we keep bailing her out she's never going to learn. ARRRGGGHHHH

Rant over....
I've got £22.90 worth of sales on fleabay at the moment I'm about to go through a bag of scarves that I've photographed to get them listed for this week. They'll be going on at 99p each as it's not free listing this weekend.

Right, off to get the scales and bag of scarves

RosaBernicia

Fab you had a good time with nephew, *sigh and shrug* re sister.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Just had a call with the OH, he's starting to think that our quality of life in this country isn't very good and he's seriously considering moving abroad when he qualifies. I really don't want to move away from my family, also my health is looked after in this country free of charge. I think I need to make it really clear to him that I'm not ever going to move abroad.

I can entirely sympathise with wanting to move to Canada, but it's a bigger jump than a lot of people realise. I have several friends who've spent a year there and in Oz, and only one actually went permanently. It took a lot of work to get accepted too - it really isn't just a case of 'oh I think I'll go and work there instead' as unless you have specific skills they need then you won't get a visa and no visa means no legal job. Your OH may change his mind when he's actually tried living several thousand miles from everyone he knows and realised that you can't just hop backwards and forwards for weekends, or rush straight over when there's a crisis.

I'm also not entirely convinced that quality of life here has to be less - though it would take some careful decisions.

I'm sure you'll figure it out one way or another (hug)

Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

Oh cross posted


I hope bailing sister out isn't going to cause your parents difficulty. If it might then I think I would want to say something (after I'd got the ranting over with and figured out what I could sensibly do).


Rosa xx

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Ok have been in tears on the phone with OH and finally we've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to live abroad forever, he says he just wants the jet-setter lifestyle.... (He realises he's 35 and not getting any younger right?) I've told him that I could work with 1-2 years possibly even whilst on mat leave (this is a long way off). But I wouldn't mind a bit of jet-setting if it doesn't compromise my career

Errm, the jet-setter lifestyle is *far different* from living abroad. Living abroad is just swapping somewhere like Croydon, for somewhere like Sarcelles. Jet setting is Monday in New York, Tuesday in Dar-es-Salam, Wednesday in Mumbai.

You need to hammer the details down I think.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Now for the rant... I've found out today that my Dad has bailed my sister out and she has to pay him back £25 a week. How on earth is she ever going to learn her lesson about money if she gets bailed out? I know I shouldn't have bailed her out in the first place, but I really did think she wouldn't get herself further into debt. Given that my Dad knows she's not learnt her lesson I can't see rhyme nor reason why he has done it. I am never ever lending her money again, and I really don't believe he should. If it takes bailiffs coming to her door for her to learn the hard lesson about money, then that's what it takes. But whilst we keep bailing her out she's never going to learn. ARRRGGGHHHH

Rant over....

He will have bailed her out for exactly the same reasons you bailed her out. He may not know you've bailed her out. You will have to go to talk to him about it.

Cherryjack

so glad you can see that lending your sis money is not helping either of you. Basically i got into debt in my younger years and now i have lernt a very big lesson and struggling to pay it back.. BUT i do have time on my side to pay back and get a good quaility of life in the future from the lessons learnt. If i had been protected then i would not know the seriousness of it.. and would get myself into debt in old age.. (now thats awful) at least now me and OH are young enough to do overtime etc...
So what im trying to say is, she may get into a bad situation.. but she wont do it again i can assure you if she gets into a really bad situation xxxx
Plus you need savings for loosing job, redundancy.. you need a back up plan and savings .. believe me mortgages are getting harder to get, and rentals if you have a bad credit score. Mummy cherry rant over lol... im only 31 haha xxx

kerri_dfw

Dad definitely knows I bailed my sister out as I moaned at the parents when she didn't pay me on time, and had a massive rant at them when she went and got her boobs done. He would have paid her out of his retirement fund (he's self-employed so puts away a certain amount for this). I don't think I can approach my Dad about this though as it's not really any of my business what he does with his finances.

Z, I've asked OH to clarify what he means he doesn't plan his life the same way I do. I'm very logical and I know what I want to be doing in 5yrs time (6 months pay off debts, 6yrs buy house, somewhere inbetween have kids).

ZTD

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Dad definitely knows I bailed my sister out as I moaned at the parents when she didn't pay me on time, and had a massive rant at them when she went and got her boobs done. He would have paid her out of his retirement fund (he's self-employed so puts away a certain amount for this). I don't think I can approach my Dad about this though as it's not really any of my business what he does with his finances.

He is killing your sister with kindness. Children become independent when the tit dries up for them, and not before.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Z, I've asked OH to clarify what he means he doesn't plan his life the same way I do. I'm very logical and I know what I want to be doing in 5yrs time (6 months pay off debts, 6yrs buy house, somewhere inbetween have kids).

You and he may not be using the words to mean the same things. I have had to sit people down in front of a dictionary and go through what words mean before...