What to do? Impossible position

mrs_marty

Thanks folks, putting it out there has helped as you all say and reading back I have nothing firm other than "chit chat" I think I feel torn as it did happen to me which is clouding my own perspective on the situation (hence posting on here and asking for points of view)

mrs_marty

meritaten wrote: »

I wouldnt tell the SIL - but I would let BIL know that it is the subject of gossip. Then let HIM sort it out! with a time frame of two weeks OR you will tell SIL.
If my SIL knew my OH was cheating on me and didnt tell me.........I wouldnt trust her again because I would think she was part of the conspiracy (for want of a better word).
Yes, you are between a rock and a hard place - and if I was a real friend I wouldnt have put you in that position! More harm done when opening ones gob - than when keeping it shut! (my grandad always said that)

Thank you that really sounds a way forward. I am annoyed at our friend for doing this, I really wish he hadn't added fuel to the already smouldering fire.

make_me_wise

I should think she already knows. Stay out of it is my advice. Telling her puts you in an incredibly difficult position. Just be there for her as and when things come to light. Affairs/playing away are rarely that easily hidden long term unless someone chooses to not see the signs.

Kay_Peel

I would never pass on messages about such a catastrophic state of affairs without checking the information. Someone would have to say something like:

'What was your BIL doing in Room 101 at the Travelodge in High Wycombe with Charlotte Church, on the evening of Sunday 13th November? I took a photograph of them on my mobile - here have a look. They haven't got any clothes on, I'm afraid'. Or something like that!

So - what did your informant say exactly?

One night stand or full-blown affair?

Once a year fling or regular sessions?

Comprising first-hand evidence (with photos/CCTV - only kidding ) or third-hand information?

And, more importantly - how do you know that it's true and that the informant isn't mistaken?

Spendless

If friend is a close friend to you all, why hasn't he tackled BIL about his affair/s? Is he also worried about how BIL will re-act?.

Desperado99

meritaten wrote: »

I wouldnt tell the SIL - but I would let BIL know that it is the subject of gossip. Then let HIM sort it out! with a time frame of two weeks OR you will tell SIL.

Normally I would agree with this....... BUT with the words 'bad attitude' and 'rage' being mentioned I wouldn't feel comfortable with you confronting him with this.

Be very, very careful.

meritaten

Bunting wrote: »

Normally I would agree with this....... BUT with the words 'bad attitude' and 'rage' being mentioned I wouldn't feel comfortable with you confronting him with this.

Be very, very careful.

I agree Bunting - If the guy is likely to react violently - then she should definately NOT be alone. and preferably in a public place!

FarmersWife_2

bryanb wrote: »

Keep out, they usually shoot the messenger.

Agreed

C x

January20

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i dont have any idea what your talking about. whats all that about bil making a comment about some flats? how on earth is that relevant.

its like a dowmanrket, poor version of a modern day agatha christie. only written by someone with alzheimers.

This is the first time you've made me laugh dsm! (much needed this morning too) And I agree with you. The op is extremely difficult to understand so how can people give really good advice? In any case, I'll try: Unless the bad attitude and rage suggest domestic violence: stay out of it!

Emmzi

you are a little late; at the start of the convo you say, "I don't listen to gossip. if something needs done or someone needs telling, go and do it. Otherwise I don't want to know."

Best pretend you said that an forget all about it.