What to do? Impossible position

mrs_marty

A dear friend has decided to shall we say lighten their own moral load onto me. I now have no idea what to think next.

Our friend at first hinted that my BIL was up to no good every second year the boys have a trip away, now this is something hubby and I had previously suspected and in fact so did my very lovely SIL (whom I am super close to) but for her sake we reassured her despite our own doubts. (so many things he couldnt talk about or never a seamless account of the lads break away, that and we all went down to place the lads go to and BIL and OH were out having a ciggie and BIL made a funny comment about the flats across the road)

My hubby doesnt go on the trip as he feels it's no longer his thing so can't comment on where BIL is. Our friend we think is increasingly concerned about the state of play in the marriage and BIL increasing bad attitude and rage (he is a very close friend to all of us)

I just don't know what to do next as the friend hasnt said once to me but twice. I have said to hubby but all he said was I will do the right thing ??????????????? it's his sister but I know where he is coming from as SIL and I are mega close. I get on great guns with BIL do I let him know that I know or do I keep my mouth shut; I know what it is like to be cheated on (ex husband did it to me, another dear friend told me thats how I found out)

I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place

Emmzi

I don't really understand who all the friends are in your post and who has said what.

SIL has told you she thinks BIL is cheating? Or something else?

bryanb

Keep out, they usually shoot the messenger.

sassyblue

Depends on whether your SIL would want to know? I'm sure she would but like bryanb says you would still be the 'bad' guy. Your BIL isn't going to thank you for it either.

Good luck, it can't be easy for you.xx

mrs_marty

Sorry it is one friend who goes on the lads break but is close to all of us.

And yes a few years back SIL did state she thought BIL was cheating.

j.e.j.

Emmzi wrote: »

I don't really understand who all the friends are in your post and who has said what.

SIL has told you she thinks BIL is cheating? Or something else?

If I've understood it right (?) the OP's husband's sister is being cheated on by her husband (OP and hubby's BiL). The friend in question has brought it to their attention, though they suspected this before..

I don't know what to advise, OP. If you were to let your SiL know and she then confronts him, maybe he would then deny anything was going on. But the fact that she's mentioned it to you before suggests she has her suspicions.

sassyblue

j.e.j. wrote: »

If I've understood it right (?) the OP's husband's sister is being cheated on by her husband (OP and hubby's BiL). The friend in question has brought it to their attention, though they suspected this before..

I don't know what to advise, OP. If you were to let your SiL know and she then confronts him, maybe he would then deny anything was going on. But the fact that she's mentioned it to you before suggests she has her suspicions.

Yes, and the OP mentioned 'bad attitude and rage' - worrying.... if you do tell SIL you'll need to ask about this, will it be safe for her to confront him?

mountainofdebt

Unless your friend has actually told you that your BIL is playing away then all that you have is suspicion and inuendo.

Would you be happy for someone to come to you with only that if it was your OH?

meritaten

I wouldnt tell the SIL - but I would let BIL know that it is the subject of gossip. Then let HIM sort it out! with a time frame of two weeks OR you will tell SIL.
If my SIL knew my OH was cheating on me and didnt tell me.........I wouldnt trust her again because I would think she was part of the conspiracy (for want of a better word).
Yes, you are between a rock and a hard place - and if I was a real friend I wouldnt have put you in that position! More harm done when opening ones gob - than when keeping it shut! (my grandad always said that)

balletshoes

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Unless your friend has actually told you that your BIL is playing away then all that you have is suspicion and inuendo.

Would you be happy for someone to come to you with only that if it was your OH?

I agree with this - neither you nor your friend actually know anything, yes? Its just suspicion, which is no more than your SIL has about it all anyway. So what would you say to your SIL, and for what purpose?

krlyr

I've been in the position where a friend knew my boyfriend was cheating (daft bloke decided to chat up my friend's girlfriend!) and he told me what had happened. I'd had suspicions that the boyfriend was up to something, though with another girl, so I was grateful to have someone confirm I wasn't just imagining it. The boyfriend got the boot and I later found out that quite a few of his friends knew something was going on with the other girl (the one I had suspicions about) and to be honest I was a bit gutted that we'd all met up down the pub, gone for meals out etc. and they'd all sat there knowing what they knew. I could understand that their loyalty was to their friend but I ended up feeling like I'd been a bit of a joke, sat there with the boyfriend while everyone in our company knew he was up to no good.
Your SIL may get angry at hearing it but she has no reason to be angry at you. Personally I would give her the information, let her know that it's come from someone else (you don't have to name the friend if you think it'll get them in trouble, but let her know that you didn't find out yourself so you can't guarantee it's 100% true) and let her decide what to do with that information.