Am I wrong in this situation?

rachbc

my sil doesn't like our FIL so she doesn't come to family events and as a result we all think she is petty, spoiled and downright rude. Suck it up, plaster on a smile and rant about once you are home.

Plus if a DIL tried to accuse me of favouring one child over his partner she would get fairly short shrift from me I'm afraid so I can completely see why they don;t have the conversation with you - sometimes talking about things isn't the best, grown up thing to do, putting up and shutting up is!

meritaten

have you read the 'I hate my mother' thread OP? you may find a lot of people who would understand how you feel about MIL and SIL. The Narcissism thread may explain a lot too!
I dont think you are being selfish - I think you are at the end of your tether with people you niether like nor understand.
There is nothing wrong with pleading illness to get out of toxic gatherings like this - but perhaps your OH should have stayed home with you and not put himself in the firing line again.

mucklebones

I dont think you need to bring up anything about the way she treats her family. I think you should go though, be polite, dont have to play best friends, laugh at her bad jokes and just grin and bear it for the happiness of your OH. Its one night, I wouldnt make a habit of it but its not much to ask is it.

pinkclouds

Nimeth wrote: »

I've been trying to deal with this for 8 years and finally come to the end of my tether. 5 minutes in a room with them is enough to drive me up the wall. So I no longer go around the house. It's my way of keeping the peace, so I won't getting completely fed up and say something I may later regret or would end up coming between OH and his family.

Eight years is a long time. MIL is his mom not yours and you don't have to like her but you cannot come between her and her son. If you know you will say something regrettable and/or cause a family rift then you are doing the right thing by steering clear. In my opinion, you'd only be selfish if you refused to go *and* insisted that hubby couldn't go either. I think you made the right call.

Nimeth

Thanks for responding, given me a lot to think about! I guess I needed some different perspectives to see it another way.

I suppose it's human to be frustrated with the people that push my buttons, for whatever reason. I haven't tried to talk to OH's parents about their treatment of the two of them for a while now, it wasn't changing anything from either point of view, so I dropped it.

Meritaten, I've seen the narcissism thread but not the other. Will go have a read through that one. I've tried to tell OH that he doesn't have to go round the house if he doesn't want to, but he chooses too. I certainly don't want to come between him and his family, that's not my intention.

Those of you who think I should grin and bear it, do you have any coping mechanisms that I could use or is it just a case of gritting your teeth?

mucklebones

Ive just learnt to make the best of a bad situation, remind yourself why you are grinning and bearing, for your OH for one night. And make sure he knows how to make it up to you later.:P
When i find myself in these situations which isnt often thankfully, I often spend the entire time just analysing the unbelievable things they say and do and making light of it. Almost embracing how bizarrely people choose to behave the way they do lol. Its a few hours just keep reminding yourself of this then remember to just go home and forget the night. I think its good for us to do things we really dont want to do from time to time. x Take care.

Bumpmakesfour

OP I'll join you in the "HATING" going to the inlaws corner.They totally favour SIL,hubby comes home feeling utterly carp every time we go as he can't do a thing right and if I never had to see them again I'd be doing this -> :j

mrs_marty

My MIL just needs to look at me and she gets my back right up, however she is my husbands mother, so I suffer it when we go for dinner thankfully it's only maybe twice/three times a year when she puts on this show. Of which hubby leaves me with the kids and this twisted woman to go to the pub with his father for 3 hours!

I suck it in for my hubby, it doesnt please me in the slightest but hey ho, it is at the end of the day his mother. I hate it even further when she drops in on an evening once a fortnight to see our 1 year old DD (our other two children are from my first marriage so not a real attraction) she sits there and it's like being in court constant questions fired at you as she deems everything her business! Again sweet smile, cup of tea and suck it in. Oh that and imaging her being slapped in the face with an axe helps

meritaten

for those of you saying 'its just one night' - how many of these nights occur? You dont know that. I HAD to attend MILs house once a week - Friday afternoon when it was just her and me. OH thought it was MILs special time with me - it was - she knew that the other SILs were busy then and she could tell me anything without fear of contradiction! it was only when we (SILs) got together that we realised her 'stories' were tailored to suit whichever DIL she was talking to! we all got a version of the same thing!
My OH ended up in hospital as a toddler with bruising and a broken bone (not sure which one OH doesnt remember as he was only a baby)- to me, my MIL said she thought he was the cat and kicked him down the stairs!
my other SIL was told that he climbed out of his cot and fell down the stairs!
his bro said he 'fell down the stairs'.
oh, and they never owned a cat! ever!

mucklebones

mrs_marty wrote: »

Oh that and imaging her being slapped in the face with an axe helps

Ahahaha :rotfl:This is the sort of thing to do, it helps pass the time. Im lucky I only see mine 2-3 times a year