Do bridesmaids keep their dresses?

DaisyFlower

I paid for the dress, shoes, hair and accessories - only fair as its an expense of the wedding and shouldnt fall to the person attending. It didnt enter my head to ask for any of it back.

sugarwalsh

MrsDrink wrote: »

Not sure if I've read you right here Megan, but are you saying if you were given a hideous ornament from Aunt Sally at Christmas you wouldn't even considering putting it on ebay/car booting it so you could turn it into cash and buy something you liked/wanted/needed instead? (Maybe waiting a year or two though, not putting it on ebay on Boxing day lol).

Sorry, thought it was a given I would do that! :rotfl:

I was referring to if my parents had bought me a wedding gift instead of giving me money I wouldn't then sell it. I think receiving money to help you pay for something and receiving a present are different.

Megan

sugarwalsh

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I paid for the dress, shoes, hair and accessories - only fair as its an expense of the wedding and shouldnt fall to the person attending. It didnt enter my head to ask for any of it back.

I like that. I do think if you ask someone to be bridesmaid and you expect them to look a certain way then you should purchase their clothes etc. I do think in this economic climate though that should the cost of things come up it is not rude to accept the dress back to sell if offered.

I know if I had asked any of my friends they would be highly likely to offer it back. I learnt a long time to not be proud and accept help when it is offered!

MEgan

AlyssaBrown

Yes, the bridesmaid can keep the dress
I as a bridesmaid for my best friend wedding. And my friends shop her wedding dress and my bridesmaid dress on Dressni.com
After the wedding ceremony, I can keep the bridesmaid dress for myself.:j

74jax

My friend has recently been bridesmaid for someone. The bride bought the dress and my friend provided her own shoes. They talked before the wedding and the bride said she didn't want the dresses back. After the wedding my friend put the dress on ebay and kept the money. I think this is ok, she had asked beforehand if the Bride wanted the dress back and she didn't.

She is being my MOH and we've spoken about this with us. I'm paying for the dress but not as a gift, she is giving me it back and I'm hoping to re-coup some of the money back afterwards by selling it.

Either way is absolutely fine and depends on the individual.

teamonsters

sugarwalsh wrote: »

I don't really know why you think it is distasteful? Surely they don't need a cupboard full of wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses, vases and candlesticks?

Where the money came from in the first place is irrelevant really.

Megan

Absolutely they don't need to keep everything, and I completely agree that selling it is perfectly fine. But selling it and keeping all the money yourself is what I have a problem with, for the reasons below...

MaggieBaking wrote: »

I would sell it and pay my parents back what I earned.

Exactly. I would sell it and spend everything I earnt on paying for them to go on a nice weekend away or holiday somewhere to say thank you for their generosity and hard work. I know they probably wouldn't accept cash back, but they couldn't say no to this.

sugarwalsh wrote: »

To me, if you gift someone something you then don't have control over what happens to that gift. If they had given her an actual gift and she was selling it for her own gain then I think that may be a bit distasteful, but as they gave her the money to pay for her wedding and she has now paid for it I don't see the issue. Surely it makes sense to sell the stuff and set herself up with a small nest egg? I am also confused as to why teamonster is upset as she has clearly returned the dress? Maybe she should make an offer for the dress if she wants to keep it?

If the girls parents have paid for the whole wedding it would suggest they aren't short of a bob or two anyway. I know my parents wouldn't ask for any money back if I make anything from the stuff I will be selling after the wedding. It is slightly different as they have contributed a small part - but if I were to follow your example Maggiebaking then I would have to give them a percentage from the sale of my dress back! Or if I were to keep it then perhaps I should offer them part of the dress??

Megan

The dresses were all kept together at a parents house after the wedding, to be sent off for cleaning along with the wedding dress. Hence why it wasn't taken home by me.

And the parents aren't rich, they had to remortgage their house to pay for the wedding, delaying plans for retiring a little earlier, and hence why keeping all the money themselves sticks in my throat. If it was a small figure then fine, as you say, but it truly wasn't. I could even understand it if they were saving for a house or furniture, but they're not. They already have a house and they have everything for it.

The main reason it annoys me a bit about the dress is the fact that when we were trying them on, there were comments between the bridesmaids such as "ooh it's lovely and we'd be able to wear them again afterwards too" and at no point did the bride pipe up and mention she might sell them on. There was ample chance to. Even if she had said to us afterwards that she'd decided to sell them, I would have been ok with it. But she didn't. I was told it was happening by someone else.

nickki44

sugarwalsh wrote: »

I like that. I do think if you ask someone to be bridesmaid and you expect them to look a certain way then you should purchase their clothes etc. I do think in this economic climate though that should the cost of things come up it is not rude to accept the dress back to sell if offered.

I know if I had asked any of my friends they would be highly likely to offer it back. I learnt a long time to not be proud and accept help when it is offered!

MEgan

Ditto
I asked them to be bridesmaids - therefore dictating what they would wear on the day.
I asked them to try on a dress of my choosing (the ones in the pics!) and then any other dresses they liked. I wanted them to be comfortable and if that had meant having to change my colour scheme, i would have thought seriously about doing so (my bridesmaids were a size 24, size 12 and age 12 so very different body shapes).
In the end, the one they all liked the best was the dress that I chose. The 3 dresses cost me £400 - money we didn't really have, but money that I was happy to spend.
I have never assumed or wished to have the dresses back - they were my fabulous girls and worth every penny!
They bought their own shoes, bag and shrugs. Luckily, they talked to each other and when one bridesmaid found a bag, she rung the other one and bought 3 of them! but I wouldn't have minded if they all had different ones.

I paid for their hair on the day, but explained that i couldn't afford to pay for a trial - but neither did they have to have a trial if they didn't want to. I didn't dictate their hairstyle either - they all chose their own - and all did pay for a hair trial.

I loved them being my bridesmaids, and every photo they are beaming happy, what more can you ask for?

If I HAD asked for the dresses back - i'm sure they would have obliged without any ill feeling, but I want them to have the dresses and the memories that come with them.

Would i be hurt if they sold them without telling me?
I don't know - possibly - buut i honestly don't think any of them would! Maybe the 12 year old one - but buy her something nice with the money as another little thank you from me for the perfect day she helped to create!