Dealing with selfish 25yo sister (v long)

Welshlassie

Hi guys
Just thought I'd update you on what happened. I wrote the letter having taken a week to decide what to put in it and asking my husband and SIL to read it before hand to ensure that it was not nasty, but honest. I sent it but haven't had any form of response from her. Mum and Dad have said that she has gone around showing it to all her friends saying what a b***h I am to do something like this.

About 3 weeks after this happened she annonced she is pregnant, which makes her 8 weeks behind me. I am absolutely convinced she has done this deliberately and I was gutted at the time as I see it as another way of getting attention from my parents. (I even doubted whether she was telling the truth at one point and in a few weeks she would anonce she had had a miscarriage.) After some discussion my parents have told her she has toto deal with it on her own (as they have always told us from a young age that if we got pregnant she had to support the child ourselves and although they would support us emotionally they wouldn't financially). So she has told the council they have thrown her out and she has got herself a council flat. The boyfriend has also told her he is not interested.

I have a better relationship with my parents now than I ever have done and although I still feel guilty and wish it could be different am slowly moving on. It was my birthday a few weeks ago and it was really difficult not having a card from her, and it hurt more than I thought it would.

So that's whats happened since. Thanks for all your comments and I hope that I can continue to be as strong once the baby arrives.

victory

You will continue to be strong welsh because you have done so fabulously well up until now, you knew it was not going to be easy but you have coped, keep it up:D

jillie1974

sounds like your sisiter is one jealous girl!!

daphne_descends

You poor thing Welshlassie - makes me glad I don't have a sister to be honest. Thanks for updating us. focus on yourself and your little family, they will keep you strong. It seems as though nothing will force your sister into growing up - even the idea of being a mother. I'm sure she'll get there eventually - I would only hope for her sake that it's in time - before you decide you're no longer interested - there is only so much any of us can take.

Dan_Thunder

It sounds very much like you've been the pro-active one in this relationship - although we are only getting your side of the story! In the end I wouldn't let it bother you one bit, I came to the realisation years ago that just because we're related to someone by blood why should it mean that we have to like them?

If I didn't get one with anyone in my family then why should I bother to continue to try and build a relationship? They'd be a completely different person to me so to try and force myself to like someone because of some misguided loyalty to the 'family' would be ridiculous.

Unknown1234_2

Welshlassie wrote: »

Hi guys
she is pregnant, which makes her 8 weeks behind me. I am absolutely convinced she has done this deliberately.

Do you not think that is a little extreme!

sonee2405

If she is seeking attention by throwing tantrums being jealous and nasty or by announcing various illness's then shes after attention.If this was a child many possible reasons could be considerd for such behaviour such as bullying, worries or not feeling loved etc.Its clear that your sister has some issues deep down which have affected her since she was a child up until now and it is quite sad that so far in 25 years these feelings have tormented her and really runied her life by affecting her relationships with family &friends and most of all her self.Nobody likes being difficult and nobody likes being alone but thats what has happened to her and if she is pregnant than this may affect another tiny person in a couple of months.
Welshlassie its great that you are putting your child and yourself first now and planning a stable comfortable future as you should and you deserve it after what you have explained but your sister does need help to understand herself &actually find her real self in the process and hopefully before your child and her own is born-to me it sounds as if she is emotionally troubled and she hits out at everybody by being nasty or demanding.Can your parents have a heart 2 heart with her and have you ever discussed her behaviour with her boyfriend its worth trying just to put your own mind at rest &then whatever the outcome to get on with your life and hope for the best for her.
good luck with the baby !

Welshlassie

Melissa_Hewett wrote: »

Do you not think that is a little extreme!

On the basis that friends who know us both and have been aware of the situation for many years, I was not the only one to ask if it was deliberate.

Can your parents have a heart 2 heart with her and have you ever discussed her behaviour with her boyfriend its worth trying just to put your own mind at rest &then whatever the outcome to get on with your life and hope for the best for her.

Mum and Dad have sat her down and spoken to her about her behaviour, attitude and life generally on many occasions. She sees it as having a go, will be "nice" everyone for a week or two and then when she doesn't get her own way reverts back to the way she was before she had been spoken to.

Regards speaking to her boyfriend, in the 7 or so years they have been together he has never been formally introduced to anyone in the family. He's arabic and told her when they first got together that he would never marry her because she is white. We have since found out that for the last 5 years years he's had a wife in the Yemen and now has 2 children with her. When she told him she was pregnant he told he wasn't really interested and he wanted nothing to do with her. Overall not a suitable person to be speaking to regarding her behaviour and lifestyle.

I agree she has some issues that are deep routed, but everyone has problems of some degree from all aspects of their live, but don't behave like her. I fed up of having to listen to excuses that people from family and friends making for her to explain her behaviour. She's 25 and its about time she started acting like she is and although I have tried to tell her this before this all came to a head she doesn't listen so I have now washed my hands of her.

Thank you all for your comments, I am now moving on with my life and the new life I am about to bring into this world.

getcarter

Good luck, you've made a tough decision!

Carter

rach29

Have a look at this old(ish) thread which might ring a few bells with you.


http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=158571&highlight=narcissistic



It is VERY hard to completely distance yourself from a family member, but it can be the only way sometimes. You may find that when the hurt & (absolutely unfounded) guilt has faded you may be able to find a way to have a relationship with your sister albeit on your terms. You are doing the right thing for you & your family, don't let anyone tell you any different.

(((hugs)))