Dealing with selfish 25yo sister (v long)

lush_walrus

Ooops realised you have decided and implemented...So deleted post...Good luck with the baby.

Carmina_Piranha_3

this is not your problem or responsibility but is it possible to try not to cause problems in the wider family? your sister is pregnant - imagine how life will be for that baby if she doesn't have a great deal of support, from your mum especially. the baby will have no interest from the father and will live alone in a council house with a mother who sounds a bit temperamental. i've seen that happen and it's not good.

even if your sis is the biggest pain in the bum your mum will probably want to be there for the baby, so if you want to ignore your sister is it possible to do it without involving your mum too much?

i cut off from my sister when our babies were little, we're okay now but at the time it was a huge strain for my mum who wanted to be friends with everyone.

Welshlassie

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

this is not your problem or responsibility but is it possible to try not to cause problems in the wider family? your sister is pregnant - imagine how life will be for that baby if she doesn't have a great deal of support, from your mum especially. the baby will have no interest from the father and will live alone in a council house with a mother who sounds a bit temperamental. i've seen that happen and it's not good.

even if your sis is the biggest pain in the bum your mum will probably want to be there for the baby, so if you want to ignore your sister is it possible to do it without involving your mum too much?

i cut off from my sister when our babies were little, we're okay now but at the time it was a huge strain for my mum who wanted to be friends with everyone.

I have no problem with my parents having a relationship with her if that's what they want, I just don't want them to discuss her with me. I don't want to know what she is doing or her what/how I am doing. My mum is of the opinion that my sister has to change going forward and she is no longer going to treat her with kid gloves the way she has been until now.

I appreciate that her child will be in a difficult situation but that is now not my problem I will have a child of my own to bring up. My mum and dad have always told us from a young age that we would have to bring up any children we have by ourselves, as they have had their children, they are not suddening springing this on her she has known all along.

If I start thinking about how her baby will be effected by this then I would never move on, and as much as this isn't the babies fault I don't have the emotional capacity to worry about her child as well as myself and my family, and I shouldn't have to either. She brought this all on herself and should deal with it herself, the same as I have had to deal with everything that life has thrown at me, whether my making or not.

Curious_George_2

Welshlassie, I just wanted to give you some moral support,

My nan was a complete B!!!H to me, my entire life... treated me completely different to all the other grandchildren (we think its because she hated my dad and im very much like him, but she couldnt really have known that im like him when i was a toddler!!)
anyway.... when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter i cut her out of my life completely, I was determined that she was not going to treat my child the way she treated me.... and that i would be unable to stand by and watch it happen like my mum did, never saying anything "for an easy life"
i never felt any guilt about it and my family accepted it, dont really know how she felt about it... and i dont much care.

i have seen her 4 or so times in the 8 years since i disowned her and those times couldnt be avoided (family funerals etc) and she doesnt know my daughter at all, she couldnt point her out of a line up, and i doubt she even knows im pregnant again.

so i know what its like to need to cut off a family member (and putting your mother in the middle) it may seem like a huge drama now, but like everything else it will all settle down and not seeing her anymore will become a huge relief.

congratulations on your baby, and try not to worry too much about situations you cant control.

jennynoo

Welshlassie, I just want to say that I think you are very brave for doing what you are doing. Stick to your guns.

I hope you are your family do really well

snowmaid

My younger sister (18 months apart) was born prematurely at 7 months. She was extremely ill and it was a miracle she survived. Because she was so 'fragile' and tiny she was paid a lot more attention than I, who was 'strong' and could take care of myself, which I did. However, because everyone 'tip toed' around her and gave into her every whim, at 38 she still expects the same attention.

It could be that she is jealous and quite frankly scared of how settled you are and how happy you are. She could find this all very threatning. But try and make amends, if not now, perhaps once she is settled in a relationship. Bad feelings just make one ill. If you can't have a relationship with her, let your feelings towards her go. You will be happier for it.

My sister and I are now relatively close, our children play together and its great to see them being in close contact with their cousins. We don't always see eye to eye, but we have agreed to disagree and rather put energy into things we agree on.

Good luck