Post Natal Depression

fiscalfreckles

Been through it too. I felt such a failure that I wasn't enjoying my baby, almost like I was spoiling it for everyone else. Hated feeling like I couldn't cope & people offering help often made that worse, although I wanted to accept help I found it so hard to. So maybe its best to say "Shall I do X while you do Y" rather than try & take over?
I had counselling, rather than medication & it really helped. Not always available, but someone came to my house and just talked & listened, which was great.
The best thing I did though was to get me & the baby out of the house & meeting other new Mums. My health visitor suggested joining a toddler group. I though that was silly as baby was too little to play, but it got us out, I got to chat to others & more importantly heard about everyone else's struggles with their babies. We had a laugh about it all & swapped tips. I realised that my belief that the rest of the world glided effortlessly through motherhood was nonsense & I felt a bit better about my situation. These days there are probably forums too which would go some way to providing the same support.
There is no quick fix, but I hope she feels better.

adamantine

pigpen wrote: »

I do that now... "how you doing" .. *WAAAIIILLLL*

my mum still hasnt learned now even though ive beaten the PND mostly. on my down days she still sees it in my face and says "how you feeling?" then i burst out crying and tell her off then she makes coffee and sticks cartoons on for the kids and i get out the kit kats and tis all better for a while lol.

doodoot

OP, it doesn't matter what stories we share with you about our experiences with PND because you will never be able to empathise with your relative until you go through it.

As others have said it is extremely important that she keeps taking her meds - her other half needs to be told to keep an eye on the packets and preferably be the one to give them to her.

I was taken to the psych unit for assessment because I wouldn't take my meds, and I was only sectioned when I said I that I thought I might hurt myself or my son.

Tell this poor love that you have been reading forum posts by women who have been in similar situations, and tell her that we have all come through it - I wouldn't mention that you have been discussing her though, it may greatly upset her.

The problem with offering to help out in her house is that she will then think that she's a failure for not tidying up.

The best way to do it is to ask if she wants you to tidy up a bit. When she starts to get upset tell her firmly that you're doing it because you have more energy than she has, and when she gets back on her feet she can treat you.

My mate did this with me and it was the first time that I didn't feel a failure.

delain

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

She was back at the doctor yesterday and got sent to the out of hours psych unit for assessment, she was given diazapam to help her sleep and my parents took the baby overnight.

The team is coming out to assess her properly today, does anyone have any experience of anything like this? Is she likely to be taken in to hospital?

She is dead on her feet and when she came back from the unit last night she was like an empty shell, wouldn't talk, it was like she wasn't there, never seen her like that before.

The whole situation is making my parents worried sick and I feel so helpless but I need to be strong for everyone's sake...

The 'like she wasn't there' was the Diazepam... they give it to my mum on occasion and she is away with the fairies, you can always tell when she's had one.

FWIW I would have taken anyone wanting to tidy up or take the baby as direct personal criticism of me and thrown them out of the house, probably getting slightly hysterical :o

I was never in hospital though and I wouldn't take anti depressants either, since my mum has been on them for over 20 years and can't regulate her own emotions, whether this is because of the tablets or she was like it anyway isn't for me to say, but every time they tried to take her off them she would go completely loopy and attempted suicide a few times, which isn't a nice scenario to grow up in, so anti depressants were out for me, I have no wish for my children to live like that.

For a few months I really wasn't a happy bunny, though probably not as bad as your relative, and I'm fine now without any meds or therapy whatsoever, so against the grain I'd say don't push the meds, they're not the Holy Grail of everything.

That is only my experience of PND though. I hope she feels better soon

doodoot

Delain, I was like a zombie on Diazepam.

I was on it for 4 years and I have no memories of that period in my life - I don't remember my son walking/talking for the 1st time, or even going to nursery and reception.

Anyone on anti-depressants needs their loved ones to keep an eye on them, and once zombie-ness kicks in they need to be taken back to the GP for a change of meds.

Am wondering how the OP's relative is doing...have been thinking about the poor thing all morning.

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Thanks everyone.

She was admitted to hospital last wednesday and is still in today, she was originally in our nearest hospital but only in a temporary bed and was moved to a hospital 20 minutes away on Thursday. Last night they spoke about moving her even further away (1 hour + from where we live)...

When I visited on Thursday I told her that my OH (electrician) would be going in to the flat to fix their shower which hasn't been working for a few weeks and she said 'ok, you could clean the flat too if you like' - I didn't tell her that I was already planning to do it.

We went in Friday night, fixed the shower and spent 3 hours cleaning. It was the only way I felt I could truly help

msb5262

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

Thanks everyone.

She was admitted to hospital last wednesday and is still in today, she was originally in our nearest hospital but only in a temporary bed and was moved to a hospital 20 minutes away on Thursday. Last night they spoke about moving her even further away (1 hour + from where we live)...

When I visited on Thursday I told her that my OH (electrician) would be going in to the flat to fix their shower which hasn't been working for a few weeks and she said 'ok, you could clean the flat too if you like' - I didn't tell her that I was already planning to do it.

We went in Friday night, fixed the shower and spent 3 hours cleaning. It was the only way I felt I could truly help

Just caught up with this thread. What a difficult situation.

Well done OP - it sounds as if you're doing all you can to help. You don't say if she has the baby with her? Some units are for mums and babies.

Best wishes to you all

MsB

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

At the moment she doesn't have the baby with her, but the new hospital (1 hour + away) would be a mother and baby unit...as far as I'm aware they are giving her the option of moving there, it's not compulsory...

There has been days she hasn't wanted to see the baby...

whitewing

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

There has been days she hasn't wanted to see the baby...

That's the illness. I felt like that with my son (unplanned). I didn't really feel that he was mine until he was 6 weeks old. I thought he was cute, like a baby bird, but I didn't really connect with him.

With my daughter (planned), it was different, mainly as I loved her dad so much. But I still struggled to be a mum to her and even now I can sometimes not register her crying. But with her, it was everyone else on the planet I struggled to cope with. I couldn't deal with MIL at all and I got hypersensitive to the smell of her (she doesn't really smell, but I could smell it was her). This upset my husband a great deal as I couldn't stand to be around her and I didn't want to be apart from the baby so she didn't get to see the baby much. If my husband suggested he took the baby to see her I would get very upset. Looking back, it was so irrational but very hard to deal with as it was a genuine physical reaction but very hard for outsiders not to see it as pure nastiness.