Post Natal Depression

Foodhoarder

Hi,
Just thought I would share my personal experiences of PND. I struggled a great deal with paranoia and depression after the birth of my son (10 years ago) I had some symptoms of OCD, e.g. I did not believe the washing machine worked properly so spent hours scrubbing clothes for baby by hand.

I also had lots of difficult thoughts following the birth event itself as it was traumatic, I felt as if he had been 'taken' from my body, not given birth too as i imagined it would have been.

I had very little support from family, not that i would have accepted any at that time due to my paranoid thinking. I also struggled with suicidal thoughts several times a day, and darker thoughts than suicide too which i could never admit at the time and find difficult to acknowledge even now.. So all in all, on reflection I dont know how i manged to be so invloved with mental health services and not be sectioned for my own safety and the safety of others

What helped me was a support group for new mothers where i could go each week and learn about weaning, baby massage etc. There i was also able to speak with professionals each week about how I was coping, not just focus on the baby.

Medication was difficult to balance, some like prozac made me more suicidal, some like Mirtazipine made me feel like a zombie. The best one for me was sertarline, that helped me combat depression and paranoia. I did access some therapy which was helpful at the time but far too short lived for my liking, but it did give me structure to my week etc.

I want to make it clear in my post that 'helping' comes in many forms... at no point during my PND did anyone ask ME what would be helpful, they all assumed that they knew what i 'needed' to do in order to overcome the way i felt.

No two people will experience the same feelings even if given the same diagnosis.

And please remember... We are all on the same sliding scale or continum of mental health and mental ill-health. "There for the grace of 'god' go I."

My advice... Listen to her, help her to access support (in whatever form that might be) if she wants it and ask if she needs practical help.

flutterby_lil

pigpen wrote: »

Act normally!!!!

Dont tell her to "cheer up" or "there are worse things" etc.. that is just condecending and annoying

She is tired and fed up and lethargic and self-loathing and anti-social and jst wants to hide, the world to stop so she can get off or in worst cases, like everyone might be better off without her. She may also behaving panic attacks. I found stuff like housework, cooking proper meals and personal care was not featuring on my list of priorities.. I cared for the baby, paid the bills and did nothing else.

Give her time, patience, offer to give her a hand with stuff if she is struggling.. like housework, washing, watching the baby (not TAKING it away from her.. even for an hour unless that is what she wants.. I would have believed you wouldnt bring it back) while she takes a long bath. See what she needs and where she is struggling.. you cant take away the problem but you can take away some of the pressure.

I didn't mean TAKING the baby without her knowing, I meant taking the baby out. What other word could I have used?!?

missmontana

I think Pigpen knew what you meant, she has put it really well as I felt the same after having my son.
I really appreciated someone just coming in and doing something as simple as putting a load of washing on or doing the washing up.
I really hope she gets the help she needs, stay strong x

pigpen

flutterby_lil wrote: »

I didn't mean TAKING the baby without her knowing, I meant taking the baby out. What other word could I have used?!?

you misunderstand me.

she may view it that you are taking the baby away from her because she is mad/an unfit parent etc and she may believe you wont bring the baby back.. which may result in her not trusting you, which would not help. On the other hand she might not be able to stand the sight of the baby and hate looking after it but do it because it is expected and welcome the break.. you now her best, you have to judge that.

for me.. looking after the baby was my number 1-10 priorities.. so long as the baby was seen to nothing else existed. If she feels the same she may be pushed into deeper depression or have panic attacks if the baby is not there.

I didnt for one minute think you would stage a run and grab with the baby..

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds

Thanks for all of your advice, I guess I just need to be here for her and try to understand what she needs and doesn't need at this moment in time.

She told my Mum this morning that she feels ashamed for having PND

gratefulforhelp_2

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

She was back at the doctor yesterday and got sent to the out of hours psych unit for assessment, she was given diazapam to help her sleep and my parents took the baby overnight.

The team is coming out to assess her properly today, does anyone have any experience of anything like this? Is she likely to be taken in to hospital?

She won't necessarily be. I was assessed in the psych unit, and not taken in.

pigpen

If_My_Pennies_Were_Pounds wrote: »

Thanks for all of your advice, I guess I just need to be here for her and try to understand what she needs and doesn't need at this moment in time.

She told my Mum this morning that she feels ashamed for having PND

That is normal.. You are supposed to have this idyllic baby and be full of joy and happiness and exuding delight and love from every pore.. but when you just want to curl up in a corner and fade away it is bad and wrong and not what you are meant to be like.

They sent the CPN out to me.. I locked the doors and hid in the house so I didnt have to see them.. I would speak to them on the phone but I couldnt bear anyone in the house.. 9 months later of no contact whatsoever they sent me a letter saying my case was still open and did I still want to see someone... They had a phone call explaining exactly where they could shove their someone.. If I had managed that long on my own Id manage some more.. and they might like to figure out why it had taken them that long to notice I was still on the system.. obviously I was as insignificant and unimportant and unworthy of help as I knew I was.

pigpen

Try these.. they have some info for the affected person but also for family members and offer telephone and email support..

adamantine

to begin with i was ashamed of having PND but not anymore. i make no secret of the fact i had it with both my children.

it helps when you realise that its caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain after all the hormone changes over the time you became pg and had the baby. its out of your control.

just act normal. be led by her. if she wants to go out then do it. if she wants to stay in then stay in. i hated people offering to help me with the baby first time round but 2nd time i welcomed it. first time i thought people were trying to say i didnt know how to look after my baby properly.

everyone is different. some people want to talk about how they feel but for me simply someone asking me "how are you?" would send me off into floods of tears. i just wanted people to be normal and not tip toe around me.

pigpen

I do that now... "how you doing" .. *WAAAIIILLLL*