Anyone else missing family abroad?

spaghetti_monster

euronorris wrote: »

Personally, I like: Sorry hoor!

Makes me giggle everytime! :rotfl:

This is one of my favourites too (pronounced "sorry !!!!!", for those who are wondering). Have you played "midget golf" yet??!

I think I have more contact with my family now than when I lived in the UK - but I think that might be an age thing too.
It's also been a bit difficult lately (new arrivals and bereavement) and then I really feel the distance.

spaghetti_monster

should've known it would be a naughty word! Obviously all this time in Holland has made me too liberal!

morocha

Me too ! I miss my family so much, it is being three years since i saw my mum and brothers, aunties, cousins.. etc... we used to be so close, almost all of them have children now and i feel so left out. In the last two years my brother became a dad twice, and i havent met my first or second niece yet, i also have a daughter, she is missing out so much. i have like a million cousins and almost all of them have babies now.
Dont take it the wrong way please, but English people is not like south americans, and here many times i feel so lonely, my bil and sil, act so cold sometimes, i am not close to their children.
I get very sad when i speak to my mum on the phone, a visit is not always posible, it cost around £1200 for me and DD, my mum has not got the money to make it here, and a flight from there to here for one person is almost the same as me and dd going over there.
I miss my family the most when me and DH have problems, i have no family here, i feel like there is no where to run when i feel deppresed.

scooterpig

I am the one who is overseas. It is hard at times and I do miss my parents and my inlaws. I only miss one or two friends - when I first moved I missed others, school friends I was still close to, a lot but they are very bad at keeping in touch so I've more or less given up on them. It hurts sometimes but I made a lot of effort to keep communication going and it hasn't been reciprocated. I'm hoping to get back at Christmas and I'm not going to bother particularly about seeing them.

I have a big family with loads of cousins but I'm not particularly close to any of them so I won't be making plans to see them. As long as we see my parents and inlaws that will be enough.

euronorris

lady1964 wrote: »

This thread has hit a nerve for me as we (hubby & I) are moving overseas (Beijing) sometime next month, we're just waiting for move dates etc to be confirmed.
We have 3 daughters who won't be coming with us, they're 23, almost 21 & almost 17. The older two work & the youngest one has just started college. We understand that they have their own lives and we will be keeping our house for them & they will learn all sorts of skills, although the eldest one went away to Uni & the middle one has lived with her boyfriend before moving back home, so 2 of them do have independant living skills and the youngest wants to go to Uni so will learn invaluable skills to prepare her for this.
We also both have parents who are 70ish, luckily they are quite healthy & agile and we also have sisters as well as nieces & nephews. None of our extended family live nearby, the closest is about 90 mins drive away, but I have lots of friends who have said my girls can contact them if they need to.
I'm really struggling with the emotional side of moving though and am trying not to think about visiting family to say cheerio and as for thinking about leaving for the airport & getting on the plane, well I get tearful
I was made redundant a few months ago so I'm not working which is no bad thing thinking about moving but my mind isn't occupied. I'm doing lots of practical things, researching areas to live, the Chinese culture etc but I'm finding it hard emotionally.
The rational part of my brain knows there is Skype, FB etc and we will get 2 flights home per year plus we can build airmiles for me to come back more often but I'm still struggling I know this will be a wonderful experience for us and as DH puts it, this is a new chapter in our lives and I know he's right.
How do people manage with the emotional side?
I'd be really grateful for any advice thank you x

The best thing to do is to embrace your new home, the people, the culture and the language as much as possible.

Find some expat meetup groups and make some new friends, you'll need them. Or join a fitness class, join a language class. Anything and everything that will a) get you out and about doing something and b) introduce you to new people (potential friends).

Basically, the more fulfilling your life is out there, the less time you will have to worry and miss people. Trust me, I didn't do that at first and it is part of the reason I found it so tough, especially when there were problems with family back in the UK.

In a way, you need to move on with your life.

xx

BugglyB

make_me_wise wrote: »

It must be difficult to be so far apart from people you are close to. My family are all reasonably near by which is nice most of the time but can bring its own special mix of pros and cons.

I know how you feel in a way because my best friend lives in Australia. We also phone and email, facebook etc but it is not the same as being able to pop round, see her and chat face to face. It has been nearly a year since I saw her last. A big year as I am expecting twins and it would have been great to have her nearby and go shopping and chat. She will be over at Xmas for 6 weeks so might well be around when they arrive.

Is there anything that is going on that is making you miss your family more and want them around? Is all okay with you OP? I know its not quite the same but there are loads of us on here who could maybe help and give a willing ear.

Thank you for your kind and compassionate post. It has been a difficult year for me in a lot of ways, including OH and I found out we won't ever conceive which has affected me more than I could ever have thought it might. I know its not the worst thing that can happen, but its been hard.

I must count my blessings that I do have family I love and who care about me and do their best to support me from abroad. OH is very supportive and his family are wonderful, and my friends are just great. So I'm a very lucky girl in lots of ways. Thats how I feel 99% of the time, the other 1% I just want a hug off mum, suppose thats natural isn't it

euronorris

spaghetti_monster wrote: »

This is one of my favourites too (pronounced "sorry !!!!!", for those who are wondering). Have you played "midget golf" yet??!

I think I have more contact with my family now than when I lived in the UK - but I think that might be an age thing too.
It's also been a bit difficult lately (new arrivals and bereavement) and then I really feel the distance.

Hahahaha, no, I haven't. I'm assuming that's miniature golf? I hope so anyway! :rotfl:

I have had more visits this year due to issues with OH's family, my Mum being ill (thankfully doing much better now) and 2 new arrivals (well, one is still to come! ). Heading back there in late November to meet the latest edition.

You're right though, it's so hard when things like that are going on and you can't help or be there in the moment. I visited in September, a few weeks after my newest nephew was born, and had loads and loads of cuddles. But, I know he is growing so fast and I am missing out on it all. Very different to how it was when my eldest neices and nephew were born. Get a bit jealous sometimes of the family photos, as I feel left out.

And it was awful when my grandma died a year after moving out here. It wasn't unexpected, but I didn't expect to be so affected by it as we didn't always see eye to eye. I just wanted to give my Mum so many hugs and look after her, like she's done for me a million times, but there isn't much you can do over the phone or internet

euronorris

scooterpig wrote: »

I am the one who is overseas. It is hard at times and I do miss my parents and my inlaws. I only miss one or two friends - when I first moved I missed others, school friends I was still close to, a lot but they are very bad at keeping in touch so I've more or less given up on them. It hurts sometimes but I made a lot of effort to keep communication going and it hasn't been reciprocated. I'm hoping to get back at Christmas and I'm not going to bother particularly about seeing them.

I had this too with some friends. It's surprising who makes the effort and who doesn't.

After getting very upset about it, and talking about with a therapist, I decided to talk to them about it and things have improved so much since then.

There is usually an underlying anger and resentment about you moving away, and then feeling like 'Well, you're the one who moved away, you should make the effort.'. But, like I explained, there's only so much effort you can make, getting no response or one word responses, before you have to give up to save yourself the repeated hurt.

BugglyB

euronorris wrote: »

The best thing to do is to embrace your new home, the people, the culture and the language as much as possible.

Find some expat meetup groups and make some new friends, you'll need them. Or join a fitness class, join a language class. Anything and everything that will a) get you out and about doing something and b) introduce you to new people (potential friends).

Basically, the more fulfilling your life is out there, the less time you will have to worry and miss people. Trust me, I didn't do that at first and it is part of the reason I found it so tough, especially when there were problems with family back in the UK.

In a way, you need to move on with your life.

xx

Some brilliant advice from euronorris there.

One thing I would add as someone on the other side of the fence. Don’t be scared of negative emotions - it doesn't mean you've done the wrong thing. If daughters/parents express that they miss you, they wish you’d never gone, etc, the worst thing you can do is say ‘oh its ok, don't be daft, we’ll see you soon, don’t be sad etc.’ its best to just acknowledge it – ‘I know, its hard, I miss you too’. It will be difficult but everything worth doing is!

Don’t feel guilty. Its always better to live your life to the full. You have done your bit raising your children and now they are grown ups. They will take care of each other and have their extended family to rely on.

Also, always remember, if you hate it, you can just come back again!

Good luck in your exciting new venture x

BugglyB

euronorris wrote: »

I had this too with some friends. It's surprising who makes the effort and who doesn't.

After getting very upset about it, and talking about with a therapist, I decided to talk to them about it and things have improved so much since then.

There is usually an underlying anger and resentment about you moving away, and then feeling like 'Well, you're the one who moved away, you should make the effort.'. But, like I explained, there's only so much effort you can make, getting no response or one word responses, before you have to give up to save yourself the repeated hurt.

My sister said she feels like a lot of her friends are like 'oh things are ok for you, you live in Australia', like shes never allowed to have a bad day or not enjoy her job. Also I think its hard because facebook only shows the good and exciting sides of peoples lives. It will never show someone sat on the monday morning bus to work missing you.