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Real life MMD: Should I ask my ex for the ring back?

edited 18 October 2011 at 7:27PM in MoneySaving polls
72 replies 22.4K views


  • edited 19 October 2011 at 1:39PM
    MoreOnMoreOn Forumite
    393 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    edited 19 October 2011 at 1:39PM
    PegasusPJ wrote: »
    if you re-read your first line you'll see exactly why we say the circumstances of the break-off count:
    it's a conditional gift, as in you get the ring in condition of accepting the proposal, not of actually getting married (if she'd said no when he proposed, she wouldn't have got the ring).
    If then HE broke it off, then the condition hasn't changed, she still had accepted and not gone back on it, it's hers.

    I don't agree that her behaviour isn't an implied condition of any accepted proposal and handing over of the ring. Now should they both be "swingers" that condition would be open to question. If her behaviour wasn't in keeping, the implied conditions have changed and he was well within his rights to could call it off and get the ring back....

    Again i'll reiterate, men are not cash cows emptied at the whim of female privilege..

    I'm not sure where you figure i mentioned the act of getting married...
  • GillsxGillsx Forumite
    56 Posts
    Essentially it's like a broken contract and the ring should be returned (as it was part of the contract). She could argue it was a gift though. Get some legal advice as I am sure there is some legal way around ensuring it is returned or paid for. If you broke up with her though, then morally you should back off and leave the girl in peace. If it was her who called it off then i'd fight tooth and nail for it back.
  • Yes, you absolutely should ask for - and get - the ring back. Pursue the matter legally if she doesn't comply.

    You should also return any engagement gifts.
  • Augustus_the_StrongAugustus_the_Strong Forumite
    321 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    I don't think you can insist on her giving the ring back if she doesn't want to. I once worked with a girl who'd been engaged four times and kept all the engagement rings. Just be glad you didn't go so far as to get married - you'd have lost more than the ring.
  • alggomasalggomas Forumite
    150 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Legally I have no idea.

    Problem is who broke of the engagement and why?
    Is it a MONEY issue [3K]?

    Do you go the whole hog and ask for the clothes/perfume you bought her/him?

    The engagement works both ways. BOTH agree to marriage in the future. The ring is a token, a sign to other males to back off.

    If either parties break off the wedding then possibly the ring should be given back as expained above.
  • Based on the scant information you provided, you can't expect any response other than: you gave it to her so it's hers. If you want a legal opinion, ask a solicitor, who will want to know more about the context in which the ring was given and received and in which the engagement was broken off, by whom and why (not only who called it off but who was at fault in the breakdown). Bear in mind that the cost of this advice and enforcing it might exceed the second-hand value of the ring. Such details are pertinent even if you're seeking only a judgement in the court of public moral opinion. And who chose the ring and decided to spend £3K? Did you readily agree to that amount or did she pressurise you into it? Could you easily afford it? If you were happy to spend that much, presumably you could comfortably afford it. If it was her idea and you didn't want to spend that much, you have escaped a lifetime of being forced to spend more of your money than you want to on her choices. Have you lost the love of your life (in which case what's a £3K ring in comparison?) or are you well rid of a gold digger (in which case, narrow and relatively cheap escape)?
  • alggomasalggomas Forumite
    150 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Forgot to add:
    This was not a GIFT.
    It was a token for both parties to marry in future.If not, the ring should be given back.
  • carhcarh Forumite
    174 Posts
    Actually, if you broke up with her, then tough luck,:( it was not her choice and she deserves to keep the ring. If it was the other way round, then it would still be pretty shallow but you would possibly have more right.:p
  • alggomas wrote: »
    Legally I have no idea.

    Do you go the whole hog and ask for the clothes/perfume you bought her/him?

  • If the lady broke the engagement then yes she should give the ring back.On the other hand if you caused the break she should keep it
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