Real life MMD: Should I ask my ex for the ring back? 18 October 2011 at 9:14AM edited 18 October 2011 at 6:27PM in MoneySaving polls 72 replies 22.4K views

Former_MSE_Penelope

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex for the ring back?

I recently broke up with my fianc!e and she is refusing to return the engagement ring. I feel this is now my property and should be able to sell it to recoup some of the cost (about £3k).

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scoobydoobydoo

Who dumped who?

If she dumped you then yes, I do think she should give you the ring back even though as a gift she would be entitled to keep it. Morally she should give it back.

If you dumped her then no you shouldnt be asking for it back. You gave her the ring when she agreed to be your wife and if you have changed your mind, well tough!

scoobydoobydoo

MSE_Penelope wrote: »

I feel this is now my property and should be able to sell it to recoup some of the cost (about £3k).


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I should add that you are wrong. You gave it as a gift and it became her property from that moment on. However, as I say, the manner of the break up makes a difference on whether it should be returned.

euterpe13

I agree with Scoobydoo - if you broke the engagement, then she is entitled to keep the ring, if she called it off, then she should return it - simple.

pennypinchUK

Oh, good luck with that one! Sadly, you've more chance of seeing it in the local 2nd hand jewellers than back in your possession.

You gave her the ring as a gift and like all gifts she's entitled to keep it or do with it what she wants. Although why anyone would want to keep an engagement ring from someone they're not now going to marry beats me. That, in itself, tells me a lot about the person you're not now going to marry.

A lucky escape. Expensive, but lucky.

johannalf88

I think under UK law it is a gift, and you have no legal right to claim it back. However, in the USA it differs, and you may have rights to claim. Unless you told her it wasn't a gift, and was a contract!?!!
Morally.... I just think asking for a gift back does not sit well. If you gave it away, it is no longer yours. Sorry!

scoobydoobydoo

pennypinchUK wrote: »

Oh, good luck with that one! Sadly, you've more chance of seeing it in the local 2nd hand jewellers than back in your possession.

You gave her the ring as a gift and like all gifts she's entitled to keep it or do with it what she wants. Although why anyone would want to keep an engagement ring from someone they're not now going to marry beats me. That, in itself, tells me a lot about the person you're not now going to marry.

A lucky escape. Expensive, but lucky.

What if he broke the engagement? She was all signed up to marry this guy and then he breaks it off and demands the ring back! I would keep it in those circumstances.

If she finished with him, then it is of course a different matter and she should return the ring.

phonoplug

Ask her to watch Judge Judy (daytime, ITV2)! She always rules that if the wedding does not go ahead, the ring goes back to the person that gave it.

Ok, so thats the US, and as a previous poster said, its probably not the same in the UK, but its worth a try!

auntie_sal

legally I think she is entitled to keep it as it was a gift. Morally I think it depends who ended the engagement, she should return it if it was her, and if she doesn't you are well out of it, but if you broke off the engagement you should regard it as a sort of penalty you have to pay! Either way I don't think you can enforce the return of it.

jenniewb

Ask her why she wants to keep it. If its because she wants to sell it then you could argue that its unfair and ask for it back (presuming you finished things on good terms) but if you dumped her or cheated on her or did something wrong from a more moral standpoint I'd back off and leave her to the ring. If she cheated on you I think she'd owe it back to you and I'd be talking to her mates and others that knew her to pile on the peer pressure (not right but neither is cheating...).

From where it stands as a gift, if she is keeping it to hang onto you in some way as in by some sort of sentimental value then you have old business to attend to before you can expect the ring back. Its more of a symbol rather then a ring in this way, you have to work things out, do this well and the rings all yours without even having to ask for it.

deborah007

hi

legally speaking she is entitled to keep it unless it was a family heirloom or you told her keeping it was conditional on getting married (then it becomes a contractual term )

Morally speaking she should offer to give it back if she broke it off due to her changing her mind. If you were at fault for the break up then you should write this one up to experience.

Good luck!

D