Real life MMD: Should I ask my ex for the ring back? 18 October 2011 at 10:14AM edited 18 October 2011 at 7:27PM in MoneySaving polls 72 replies 22.4K views

Melina48

Hi

My fiance ended our engagement back in 1991 and I couldn't bring myself to keep the ring as it was no longer a symbol of his love and commitment to our future. I didn't make a big song and dance about it but left it somewhere safe and wrote to him soon afterwards telling him where I had left it. He never acknowledged this.

I suppose everyone has their own reasons and it could be she still has feelings for you or she just values the ring itself in terms of value/appearance. It is very difficult to judge without hearing her views. You also need to be sure of your own feelings on this matter before you attempt to find out - is it just the monetary value or do you feel upset and want to retaliate in some way? :think:

Good luck!

kneelbeforezod

Alice444 wrote: »

Law in England & Wales on this:

Law Reform (Misc Provisions) Act 1970 c33 -
section 3.— Gifts between engaged couples.

(1) A party to an agreement to marry who makes a gift of property to the other party to the agreement on the condition (express or implied) that it shall be returned if the agreement is terminated shall not be prevented from recovering the property by reason only of his having terminated the agreement.

(2) The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

So unless you have proof of some sort that the gift of the engagement ring was conditional on marriage, then it's hers to keep. As others have stated, a family heirloom may be implied to be returnable - a purchased ring much less likely to be so.

Fyi, the position in Scots Law is very similar, but is not made explicit by statute.

Thanks for clarifying the legal standpoint.

However, from a moral perspective (which is what this thread is about, after all..!) I'm in agreement with others here that she should return the ring if she was the at fault party in the split (i.e. either she initiated the breakup with no fault ascribed to the OP or she cheated/did something else either legally or morally corrupt to the relationship).

One point that hasn't been discussed is timeline. All those here suggesting it was a gift free for her to keep might take a different view depending on the length of the relationship and the engagement. For example, if the OP new his ex-fiancee for three months and they got engaged last week then surely the circumstances are quite different to a couple together for twenty years and engaged for three? :question:

Greenfly_3

It appears that the community basically agrees that if she broke up due to a "fault" of your doing or you broke up due to a change of your mind, then she should keep it. If otherwise, she should return it. However, in practice, I think if she wants to keep it, even if she's at "fault", she can. I would then concider myself fortunate to have lost only the ring. If you'd married her you could have lost far more!!

A.Jones

Why does she want to keep it? If it cost £3K, it is probably worth £1K. If I was a woman that had just jilted someone (or been jilted) and had no or bad feelings towards the guy, I'd keep it to sell it.

A.Jones

kneelbeforezod wrote: »

One point that hasn't been discussed is timeline. All those here suggesting it was a gift free for her to keep might take a different view depending on the length of the relationship and the engagement. For example, if the OP new his ex-fiancee for three months and they got engaged last week then surely the circumstances are quite different to a couple together for twenty years and engaged for three? :question:

A gift is a gift. It doesn't matter how long you have known someone or when you gave it to them.

pinkystan

I don't think I agree with the 'depends on who was at fault' comments - it was a gift, so it's hers to keep. By all means ask her for it back if you're struggling financially, but be prepared for her to say no.

_nate

You chose to marry someone who you now realise was not for you. You have saved yourself from a future of misery and torment - and yet the ring is now the focus of your mind. I wonder who got the best deal.

golddustmedia

If there's still a line of communication between you why not come clean? Express your view that you don't feel it's right she keep it, but you acknowledge it was a gift.

Maybe offer to sell it and split the proceeds equally? After all presumeably by the time you were in a position to get engaged with a £3k ring you were likely cohabiting or at least jointly owned other assets so must have reached some agreement about dividing up other items.

[Deleted User]

Have you got any soft toys of hers? Tell her if she doesn't give you the ring back, then Teddy gets eviscerated.

bogwart

I have always regarded a gift as an absolute; if you give a person something then it belongs to them and it is their business what they do with it. Regardless of who broke the engagement, it takes two to tango and if one party doesn't wish to go ahead then that's it. Legally you have no recourse, since the ring was never part of any legal contract, and regardless of what they do over the pond (and they have some strange habits there) it's a moral choice and if your erstwhile fianc!e has decided to keep the ring there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't see you have any choice but to suck it up and move on. Better luck next time.