Sister with mental health problems - What do I do?

sticky23

whitewing wrote: »

I'm on anti d's too, and was doing much better until earlier this year when I hit a real slump. You could suggest that she gets her medication reviewed. For me, we upped the dose and I'm back to feeling 'normal'. (Anti d's don't zombify me, which is a lot of people's perception of them). In other situations they may add in another anti d. Get her to explain that she has no motivation to finish the course. That is one of my signs, when decisions start to get difficult. They can talk her thro her choices in terms of medication, she doesn't have to make changes if she doesn't want to. A slight change may give her the oomph needed to decide to get through it.

She has actually just had her medication upped, and she says she feels much better now...

sticky23

Well, I've spoken to one of her friends... The picture that is emerging is that my sister is very happy with her decision. There is no more pressure or stress.. I personally think she's making a mistake - who is going to employ her when she can't finish what she started? I think that two months of stress and finishing her degree would have put her in a much better position work wise. Not to mention the satisfaction of actually having completed something.. But as mentioned, if she feels she's going to have a nervous breakdown, it's not worth it..

But as it seems that she is mentally well, and happy with her decision, I'm not going to rock the boat. I have to trust that she can make her own decisions at 41 years old.. In the past I've been hard on her, and I don't think it helps...

whitewing

If it is just the dissertation she has to do (plus reading for it), can't she get a job and do the dissertation out of job hours.

sticky23

whitewing wrote: »

If it is just the dissertation she has to do (plus reading for it), can't she get a job and do the dissertation out of job hours.

She doesn't want to do the dissertation... She thinks she won't ever use it, and she thinks she won't learn anything from it... She is sort of right - I've never used my dissertation, or whatever it was I learned from it.. But the degree is really useful. If nothing else, then to show tenacity...

To clarify, her degree is not in the subject she wants to work in.. Related, but not the same... (She's studying textiles, but she wants to be a costume maker...)

Hermia

sticky23 wrote: »

She doesn't want to do the dissertation... She thinks she won't ever use it, and she thinks she won't learn anything from it... She is sort of right - I've never used my dissertation, or whatever it was I learned from it.. But the degree is really useful. If nothing else, then to show tenacity...

To clarify, her degree is not in the subject she wants to work in.. Related, but not the same... (She's studying textiles, but she wants to be a costume maker...)

I think she is slightly missing the point of dissertations. I don't think many people use them in the workplace. I think they just prove that you can write an extended report and carry out your own research. Textiles and costume are very competitive areas. I am on a couple of sewing forums and a lot of the professional costume makers on there have degrees and are always going on courses etc. I do wonder if she is going to be able to survive in the world of making costumes. It's not a stress-free job. There are deadlines and demanding clients. Lots of people who do it are self-employed which is stressful too.

I wonder if the happiness she is feeling at the moment is just temporary relief. In a few months time she may be kicking herself that she didn't put up with a couple of months of stress. I am not sure what you can do though as she is an adult.

whitewing

If she is too happy it is possible that she has seratonin syndrome and may need another review of medication. (What a party pooper I am!)

A dissertation shows written communication skills etc etc. We don't need to convince you - you already know the value.

Maybe you can send your sister a clear and concise email that covers why you think it is a bad idea to give up and offer some alternatives. Then she can read and reread and deal with each point and it truely is up to her to make an informed decision on the advice of someone who cares about her future.

sticky23

Hermia wrote: »

I think she is slightly missing the point of dissertations. I don't think many people use them in the workplace. I think they just prove that you can write an extended report and carry out your own research. Textiles and costume are very competitive areas. I am on a couple of sewing forums and a lot of the professional costume makers on there have degrees and are always going on courses etc. I do wonder if she is going to be able to survive in the world of making costumes. It's not a stress-free job. There are deadlines and demanding clients. Lots of people who do it are self-employed which is stressful too.

I wonder if the happiness she is feeling at the moment is just temporary relief. In a few months time she may be kicking herself that she didn't put up with a couple of months of stress. I am not sure what you can do though as she is an adult.

I totally agree with this - especially the bit about how stressful it will be to be a costume maker. I work in the theatre business, so know how hard it can be.. I've tried to tell her this - she wanted to move to London (where I live) and find work as a costume maker.. I suggested that she at least get some experience first (as her degree isn't specifically in costume making), but she took that as if I didn't want her to move here... I also think London isn't a place for delicate souls..

purple45

I know this isn't going to sound very helpful at all...but surrounded with various family members with different types of mental health issues, some quite severe and I've ended up in such a state myself trying so hard with every last bit of energy and will power to get them to make good decisions and do things that are good for them. In the end you have to protect yourself too and take a step back and accept that they are the way they are and you can't change that and make them be sensible...you can only be there to pick up the pieces when you're needed. I know how hard it is, the amount of effort it takes to try and bend someone to your will! Its also hard to take that step back and let someone constantly make stupid decisions but sometimes thats the only option especially when you realise how badly it can effect you!

whitewing

How is she funding all her degrees? (I know it's not really relevant but I am curious; there's no lever there at all I assume).

sticky23

purple45 wrote: »

I know this isn't going to sound very helpful at all...but surrounded with various family members with different types of mental health issues, some quite severe and I've ended up in such a state myself trying so hard with every last bit of energy and will power to get them to make good decisions and do things that are good for them. In the end you have to protect yourself too and take a step back and accept that they are the way they are and you can't change that and make them be sensible...you can only be there to pick up the pieces when you're needed. I know how hard it is, the amount of effort it takes to try and bend someone to your will! Its also hard to take that step back and let someone constantly make stupid decisions but sometimes thats the only option especially when you realise how badly it can effect you!

I know this all too well. My mother was bi-polar and I basically had to move to another country to escape... It's hard watching my sister walking down a similar path, without at least trying to help her..