Will I ever get answers/help :(

teabag29

Ok some of you may remember I posted about my dd (13 next month) and all the issues i'm facing with her. She's always been terribly behaved (not as much as school but lets it out when she gets home), very behind in her learning, has limited sense of danger, sensory problems, food obsession, cannot get on with other children, constantly lies and steals, takes everything literally, talks to herself constantly, refuses to bath, no empathy, hand flaps when excited, cannot deal with change in routine and gets very very badly behaved and anxious, severe sleep problems (always last to sleep and 1st awake....hospital couldnt even scan her as she wouldnt go under the anaesthetic)....actually theres so much i'd be here all day writing. Already at age 12 shes been arrested for shop lifting food and banned from shop, skiving school and pushing someone off a ladder. She is very easily lead and doesnt understand danger at all (e.g walks into the road without even looking).

Basically i have been fighting to get her help since last year and so far ive had an ep report which highlighted she may have dyspraxia and needs more help at school or she will get a clinical disorder (all her levels cam ot as below average or seriously below average, her memory is at age 5 and her reading and spelling is at age 8, everything else is around age 7). School say they are meeting her needs and refuse to give her anything other than i hour literacy help a week due to no funding grrrr....

So camhs have now discharged her as the say they dont feel she has any psychiatric problems and feel her symptoms arent consistent enough that she has asd (which is what i suspected)....they were taking it very seriously until the ep report came through then they said its all down to learning problems and its up to the school to hep (for the recors, the consistency thing im confused about as she has always been like this, we were told as a child she meets the characteristics for adhd but too young to diagnose)

On monday we went for her dyspraxia asessment and they said she hasnt got this (i was surprised as everything ive read describes her to a T). They chucked a ball which she caught and made her hop across the room and made her tie a shoe lace where each lace was a different colour and talked her through it and she was able to do it. She couldnt have done it with same colour laces though. They said her not being able to swim and bike ride etc is down to her not wanting too enough. I explained this is certainly not the case as shes desperate to learn and fit in and it really frustrates her (shes been having private swim lessons since last year but even the tutor says she cant do the 2 things together i.e. kick legs and use hands at same time).

Anyway I wrote a list of all my concerns and took it to the appt and they have referred me to a paediatrician but said its unlikely she has anyting wrong its just to put my concerns at ease. This is basically the last chance for help and if he turns me away then thats it. Is there any advice anyone could give me? My daughter did have to live wih my mum at age 2 for 6mths due to her father abusing my son and he wouldnt admit to it (so they had to remove her for her safety until he was found guilty). Because of this i think the professionals are assuming its down to the time she was parted from me and shes going to have issues, however i disagree. Firstly she was always different even before this point (i.e. didnt walk until nearly 2, had no speech and had to see a speech therapist, terrible balance, hyper behaviour, walking on tip toes etc). Secondly she was so young when she lived with my mum she doesnt even remember any of it and i saw her for 4 hours every single day.

Ive heard of attachment disorder when a child under 3 is separated from their mother and i think the only reason the dyspraxia ppl are referring me to paediatrician is just to make sure there are no attachment problems. I feel lost, i just want someone to help me in how to deal with her behaviour and help her with her learning as its causing so much bullying

Dave101t

so you mean terrible behaviour, not terribly behaved?
Where is the father, this is his job.

Margey

My sister was sismilar around her age. It was almost like a switch. It turned on and she used to go mental. I know this mihgt seem like what everyone tells you but it is a phase. Her brain is rewiring and its tough. She doesn't know where to go and who to turn to at her age. Either that or she really needs to get some help. But then we have a problem because she will only get help if she wants it.

You will have to wait and see what the paedeatirician says because I honestly don't think anyone but the experts can help you. I am really sorry you are having a tough time with her.

System

Dave101t wrote: »

so you mean terrible behaviour, not terribly behaved?
Where is the father, this is his job.

The OP says he was found guilty of abusing her son so i'm guessing he's not around..

sock-knitter

sounds to me like ADHD. both my sons have been diagnosed it, by a pediatrician, one was six when he got the diagnosis, the other was 11, the reason being, that as a twin ds2 was copying ds1 behavior, at least, thats what most of the proffesionals thought. from 11 both of mine went to seperate special schools, and both left this year with several gcse's, so they can catch up with different teaching methods, and one is now in mainstream college

Fen1

Has your daughter been assesed for Asperger's / Autism? Many of the traits you have described, including the ADHD, are classic Asperger's.

Please have a look at this: http://www.autism.org.uk/

I really hope it helps. Please call them if you need more specific advice.

*max*

Margey wrote: »

My sister was sismilar around her age. It was almost like a switch. It turned on and she used to go mental. I know this mihgt seem like what everyone tells you but it is a phase. Her brain is rewiring and its tough. She doesn't know where to go and who to turn to at her age. Either that or she really needs to get some help. But then we have a problem because she will only get help if she wants it.

You will have to wait and see what the paedeatirician says because I honestly don't think anyone but the experts can help you. I am really sorry you are having a tough time with her.

I really don't think this girl's behaviour can be described as a "phase", as if all teenagers went through it. A lot of it is clearly not within the normal boundaries of behaviour and development for her age. Additionally, she can certainly get help even if she doesn't "want" it, how else would children with autism or asd (as an example) be treated?
I really hope you get the help you need OP, you seem to be at the end of your tether.

*max*

Dave101t wrote: »

so you mean terrible behaviour, not terribly behaved?
Where is the father, this is his job.

:doh::wall::wall:

victory

*max* wrote: »

:doh::wall::wall:

Uhm?....................................

*max*

victory wrote: »

Uhm?....................................

That was in response to the implication that it's the father's job to control a child behaviour, somehow! No matter that the child clearly has some behavioural problems that are not down to simply "misbehaving", or that the mother had to get away from him because of violence towards her other child! Besides, disregarding all that, why would it be "the father's job"???

julie03

has she had a full assesment with a paedatrician and has the educational pychologist been contacted through the schools. i have a son with aspergers and dyspraxia, and she has some of the traits of this.
autism, adhd, dyspraxia and dyslexia are all the same part of the brain so she could have 2 at least

it seems sometimes you really do have to fight hard to get a result with loads of pushing

hope you get some help soon