Really down and want to give up

dinkylou

Please don't be sad. We all have these days but they will start to get fewer and fewer as you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Try and focus on the good things in your life. You health (and that means eating again!), your partner and your family. Be proud of yourself for what you have achieved so far and try not to focus too much on all the bad stuff.

Its nearly the weekend and so thats 2 spare days to do with what you like. Think about what makes you smile or laugh (as long as they re not expensive) and do them.

Put on your favourite music and have a dance around your room or sing in your hairbrush. I promise that you'll start to feel better again if you find the things to smile about.

Deal with the bad things one by one and don't let them beat you. After all, in no time at all you'll come out the other side and things will look much brighter.

Chin up! x

angelavdavis

Sorry you are feeling down, hopefully the other forum members' comments have already cheered you up.

I think you should just say you aren't spending at the mo' as you have a New Years resolution that you are intent on keeping.

Leave the Amex at home - better still, put it in an ice block so you aren't tempted again and flog on eBay as suggested.

You have done so well - written off a huge chunk of your debt already.

Keep it up - you know everyone here is behind you!!!:T

moozie_2

Please don't let it get to you hun. This is only a temporary situation, things will improve soon.

You have done so well so far, give yourself a pat on the back! You have a lot to be proud of!

Hugs for you xx

flowerofscotland

First of all well done for posting on here where you will get a sympathetic hearing because I think we all feel like that at some point on our debt free journeys.

You've clearly achieved a lot - your debt has reduced considerably - so my suggestion would be to sit down and write a list of all the positive things you have done as well as anything you have to look forward to.

Don't really understand the point about the tax and NI - are you saying that you don't have your correct NI number? Have you got any old payslips or correspondence from HMRC such as notice of coding for income tax? Your NI number should be on there.

LookingAhead

Hello deliciosa.....

Firstly have a big hug from me :grouphug: and a cuppa :coffee:.

Listen honey, you took the first steps because you wanted things to change. You felt brilliant when you cut up that credit card didn't you? Do you still believe that was the right thing to do/glad you did it? (I hope so!)

Buying the cream was peer pressure and we've all experienced it before, some peple still feel it. But we, as a DFW Nerd club, have to resist it more, and each time it gets easier.

They will get bored of going on about it eventually. But if they are really true friends, they will back off if you tell them you are saving and can't afford to fritter money away. If they don't, then I'm sorry, but they are not true friends with your best interests at heart. Better off distancing yourself if that is the case. If they can't support you with a simple thing like saving cash, how will they support you with anything bigger should you need that support?

Don't give up - be stronger than they are!

For every problem there is a solution. There are different lunches you can take in, you don't have to live off sandwiches.

I agree with pot 'o gold about putting the cream on EBAY, it will probably sell on there and you'll get some money back. (Whilst you are listing it, you might find other stuff to list too?)

This is not forever honey, remember that. Getting used to new ways is tough at times, but - it's just 'change'.

As for the tax & NI, it will get sorted. You can ring & nag them as much as you like too if it makes you feel better .

Big arm around shoulder.....come on...it'll be OK.

Verbatim

Stick with it. I too see that you've already paid off a good chunk. It's nearly pay day (if you're paid near the end of the month) and then maybe there'll be an even lower amount in your sig'.

Can you plan a treat for the weekend? Have some mates over maybe and everyone brings some food to share or catch a free event. Don't know what would cheer you up but something to lighten the mood.

Hope you have a good weekend.

Desperate_Housewife_2-2

Hi there,

I don't know what else to add but just wanted to say hello and hope you are feeling better soon.

emmamcr

Hi
I think the packed lunch thing can be really hard. One thing I found helpful was getting a food flask and making lots of pasta and soup (often just leftovers), I even did baked potatoes sometimes

It's really hard when out with friends too, I have quite a few rich friends, and I did feel uncomfortable not joining in with their spending. Nowadays I don't go out for lunch, but for a cake instead (feels more of a treat!), and I have standard responses about itchy skin and dieting if anyone tries to make me buy makeup or clothes!

I'm trying to budgest for some spending money each week so I'm less likely to splurge...it is important to have the odd treat and not get all consumed by thriftiness (though it is hard). Remember every day is a fresh start, and put the CCs in a locked drawer so you aren't tempted.

tryhard_2

hi
think of how far you have come - you've already paid off 13% off your debt in just 2 months. that's fab!! lots of good advise here; stop feeling so bad and think of an alternative fun way and dfw/mse way of enjoying yourself
BTW just noticed you have 400 on capital1 card at 29.9% could you transfer this onto m+s card at 16.9% to save you some interest?

deliciosa

I can’t express how moved I am by all these responses – thank you guys this was incredible, it gave me back the will to live (and to save, actually…) I will try to respond to everything but if I leave someone out please don’t be upset. Thank you thank you thank you….

Tustastic - Thank you, its really hard to respond to bullying colleagues, not even my team because they are great, but other people on my floor. But I was a bit down and my boss asked me why and I said to him that saving is really not easy etc, and he came up with a brilliant idea, namely that if I bring soya milk into the office and I store it in his office (he is the head of legal and got a fridge in his office) then I can make soya lattes for me and I don’t have to pay £1.10 for latte out of the machine – (there is a free machine with real milk but I cant drink that because of my religion), and he said he keeps food there too so I can too. That was so kind, can you believe? And he also said that he is trying to cut back on his starbucks drinks too because he is spending an awful lot every week so saving is not uncool… but I still don’t know what else I can bring as a ready-made lunch, even though I got some great ideas from others here, I’ll react to them later. And yeah you are right about the friend who made me buy the cream – they just don’t care. And once I paid off all my debts I can buy all the expensive creams too, right?? So its only a matter of time... I aim to pay off everything by september…


Emzig 123 – thank you for your encouraging words! Its really not easy to tell friends about my situation because they don’t undestand, they always say “but its just a £15 lunch out” or “its just 3 quids” (for a starbucks coffee for example) and the I feel like a fool… and then they invite me (nicely, really not in a bullying way) but then I feel embarrassed…

Immoral-angeluk – thanks for the hug, feels like I got a real one – can’t believe how kind you lot are here on the forum. Thank you.

Blonde Head on – thanks to you too, and what you said makes sense, it might just be the weather combined with january feelings and just a general negativity today… but to make it better, I only spent 1.15 today on lunch (fish and vegs at work) – I know still a lot but better than a £15 lunch out…) and I am not planning to spend anymore, so that makes me feel better…and you’re right its Friday, elts just enjoy the weekend and if I don’t spend a lot over the weekend, I will feel much better already on Monday… and yeah my blood sugar might have been the cause of the negative feelings too – just had a (free) banana.

Abbecer: - thank you, you (too) are right, I’ve done so much already, fished for better deals on travel, saved already more than a thousand pounds, that must mean something!! What is DH?

Beverleyhills – thanks to you too.. I alread found out who are NOT my real friends, sadly 

Chevalier – thank you (yeah I am starting my every sentence with these words, but I just feel it)… I mightdo as you suggested and say I save for a holiday, I just don’t know what happens if I get busted…

Susplum – thank you for your advice! Youre absolutely right. I just feel like I cant even buy a dvd, cant even buy a book, I just feel like maxing out my amex and also my M&S card too and just spend and be like everyone else… that’s extra £500 that I could borrow on the M&S card seems so nice, and I am so grateful I have the card at home because today I would have used it in my desperation. It just seems that nothing is good anymore… I guess I am a spendaholic. But makeover nights sound amazing and I have a friend who is really good at them so I will organise one!!!

Pot’’gold – thanks for your detailed reply! I nagged the tax people just now. As for my friends, some of them have even worse debts than me, to be honest…  it was funny what you said about les mis , feeling much better. Thank you!

Climbgirl – this was a telloff, wasn’t it, but I deserved it and you are right – thanks. I am not going to buy anything just to please others, from now on. And I rang the tqx people and they said I shouldn’t worry they willsort out everything. Should I believe them??

Dinkylou – thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot. This is reall positive thinking and I will try to adapt it and think about nice things and my achievments now, and Ill write them down as well.. and as for singing – it will work, so Im going to try it straight when Im out of the office! Thank you!

Angelavdavis – thanks to you too, it makes a big difference that you say everyone here is behind me, it gives me new strength! Thank you

Moozie – thanks for thinkign that I have done a lot to be proud of  you’re right and I should be thinking about the great savings that I made as opposed to the spendings I am mnissing. Its just very very hard and I can hardly cope. Like this evenign everyone is going out to starbucks and I just cant spend three quid on a latte….

Flowerofscotland – hard to imagine that everyone feels the same sometimes, at this desperate moment in the morning I actually felt I am the only one trying to save moneya nd everyone else is just rich and spends and I am just alone… thanks for showing me that Im not…. I will write the list that you suggested. I already paid back a thousand pounds and I will get extra money to pay off even more , and I already cut up one card and I pay it off next month, so these are good… and yeah I am going to try to find my correct ni number too… it might take some digging.

Lookingahead – Thank you, you’ve been around from the beginning and this is not the first very good advice I have received from you! Thank you so much for your support... I DID feel brilliant when I cut up that card, it felt amazing and freeing… I know it was the right thing to do and I will cut up the HSBC card a month from today as well, I am already preparing – haven’t touched it since last year!!! I hope I will find out which friends support me in this and then I might be able to have some cash-free fun with them. Its just so embarrassing to say that I cant afford things.. but then again, I got myself into this mess so I probably deserve it. Still… anyhow, do you have any different lunch ideas? I already nagged tax people, and thanks for the shoulder – I needed it.

Verbatim – its so good to see that others think I done well, thank you so much! I am only going to get paid on the tenth of February but then it will be a lot because 8 days from Jan and the whole feb-yay! I will update the sig on the 11th Feb – cant wait! And for the weekend, I will go down to the countryside with my family and then I wont spend anything cus my stepmum cooks and everything will be free and lovely and cool and airy and happyy.. I cant wait. Thasnk you and I hope you have a good weekend too!!!

Desperate hosuewife – thank you for your kind words, it means a lot that you took the time to write and add a little bit of encouragement. Ia m already feeling better from all your nice posts.

Emmamcr – (so funny, mcr are my monograms!) – hi and thanks!! I can make excellent pasta so that’s a good idea! The baked potatos are so boring, especially now that I am on a “cut salt” diet, horrible, but I might have to do that… and I know what you mean about the rich friends, one of my model friends just bough a louboutin boots for seven hundred pounds and it made me feel horrible that with that amount I could have paid off a fifth of my debt almost… will try to go out less but then wheres the fun? Lately whenever we go to our fave restaurant I only buy a salad and say I am on a diet, but I am actually not and getting skinnier and that worries my friends and they think I am anorexic, but I am not, I would love to eat its just expensive……. The itchy skin is a very very very good idea!!!!! Thank you./

Tryhard – wow thank you, I never looked at it that way, this is great, that’s a lot, 13% isnt it? Wooohoo thanks!! How exactly do I calculate that?? About the capital one card – well I will pay it off on the 10th of Feb so theres not much point in transferring, and its down to 360 now I just forgot to update anyway.

Jazzyjef – I have tried it with another company but I might give this company a try thank you! Getting free meals would be fab – are they paying ok ? I always thought they were scam… thanks for coming in and helping!

And again, thanks you thank you guys for everything you said, it made my day 1000 times better and I cant even express how grateful I am so thank you!!!!!