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Daughter in debt thanks to her boyfriend

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  • Thanks for all your replies, poisoning/stabbing possibly not the best option but thanks crazyguy for your 'with a pinch of salt' suggestions! In answer to jockosjungle yes he does work hence him using the car and parking it wherever he wishes. The worst part about the debts, and I don't think I mentioned it before, is that they are in my daughter's name, his phone, the car (parking tickets too), car finance and probably more that I don't know about. To Comp, Marywooyeah and Dinah93 your replies give me hope, thank you so much.
  • j.e.j.
    j.e.j. Posts: 9,672 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    You sound like very supportive parents, OP, so hopefully if and when your daughter does come to see the situation for what it is she knows she can come to you.

    The boyfriend sounds like another one of these young guys who have found themselves a meal ticket! I would advise that you do not lend your daughter money, as it sounds like in so doing you are effectively giving money to him.

    Sadly I think ultimately you can't force someone to have a 'lightbulb moment' - you can point things out, voice your concerns, but your daughter needs to acknowledge the situation herself.
  • Kay_Peel
    Kay_Peel Posts: 1,672 Forumite
    While her financial position is precarious she will be worried and worn down constantly. Instead of moving forward, the couple will find that they are not living the life that they wanted for themselves. In short, for peace of mind and some hope for their future, they have to economise and factor in some savings to pay for the recurring annual expenses like car servicing and MOTs.

    This is where I think you can help your daughter: suggest that she looks at the Statement of Affairs Calculator with her boyfriend, and decide where they can make savings. You are not being judgmental or interfering, you are pointing the couple towards a DIY solution, for both their sakes. Assure your daughter than the couple CAN take control and get back on an even keel once they have the tools and insight. Be positive, in other words, in helping them arrive at a better place.

    Or,

    Get your daughter a copy of Love is Not Enough A Smart Woman's Guide to Money by Merryn Somerset Webb. It might be a wake-up call.
  • marywooyeah
    marywooyeah Posts: 2,670 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    exactly OP, the debts are in HER name - he could waltz off and leave her in the poo poo and she'd be liable for all the money hence why I really think you need to talk to her sharpish - he sounds like a right lazy good for nothing!
  • January20
    January20 Posts: 3,769 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    edited 12 October 2011 at 12:44PM
    sassyblue wrote: »
    Bless you missiemoo, it must be awful but she's got to learn. I would also not lend to her anymore but suggest help sorting out her money and budgeting with what she's got coming in. At least that way you're offering some help without just saying no to lending. ;)

    If you need excuses about not lending the money.... it's getting hard for all of us right? ;)

    Yes, and also she hasn't repaid the last loan has she? so that would be extra ammunition not to lend anymore.

    and I too would like to echo the concern about the change of personality.
    LBM: August 2006 £12,568.49 - DFD 22nd March 2012
    "The road to DF is long and bumpy" GreenSaints
  • We found our selves in similar situation with our daughter who was paying for almost every thing as her partner walked out of is job then no fault of his own became ill but then didnt bother to help him self by following medical advise.
    Then decided not to even try to get a job , leaving her to finance both of them , we saw her slowy become worn out, ill with worry .
    I did used to lend her money but it never came back always with the promise when he gets a job !! He also made it very difficult to be able to talk to her on her own
    to find out how bad things really were,
    we stopped giving cash but i would buy some of her shopping, pay her fuel and mot her car just to help her but not give cash.
    then after 3 years we got the call could she come home which she did within an hour of that call she was back home and over the weekend it all came out how bad things were and all the debt she has been left with, but that has been put in to order now and she is clearing her debts, he has moved on to some other girl who is paying his morgage and all his expences.
    All i can say is keep the contact open with your daughter .
  • Statement of Affairs Calculator printed off and Love is Not Enough book ordered! To be frank I wish he would waltz off, he's nothing but trouble. Yes wornoutparents we are in contact weekly, the one thing I made her promise to do - keep in touch, we can't contact her as the phone gets ignored
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