Why is it....

vodkashot

Thank you, thank you, thank you OP.

I spent a lot of time on this board when planning my wedding to get ideas and inspiration. However I did feel that i would be judged for a) having a large wedding and b) for spending a lot of money.

I had a large wedding which lasted 3 days and one day had 300 people. I won't say the budget but it was a lot more than some others but I don't begrudge it. I would do it all over again if I could. We did not get into debt and were lucky to have generous parents. I used the board to pinch ideas and make my money go further. I didn't buy expensive shoes or underwear etc but I blew the budget on my outfit.

Like other folk have said the important thing is what you do with your budget. No matter how much you spend you just want a perfect day.

Bangton

I personally wouldn't spend a bomb on a wedding (when I say bomb 1k is too much for me!!!) It's not because I'm skint I just don't want to use our savings for one day of my life. That said I agree it is each to their own and I was interested to read this post as I actually find the opposite to be true. I have had all sorts of comments from people simply believing I'm tight to people making comments about commitment issues between me and my partner. I think it's a shame that some people have the need to judge others whether they choose to spend loads of money or choose to spend £200 at a registery office...

minerva_windsong

I agree with you codemonkey. Without wanting to turn this into an argument - and I should this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, or indeed at this section of the boards in particular - there can quite often be a sense of 'competitive penny-pinching' on the forums, with people trying to outdo by having the cheapest wedding/Christmas/weekly shop/whatever possible, and consequently people who may have a bit more to spend feel guilty and that they need to justify it, which isn't right. As you say it's not about trying to 'out-save' everyone else, it's about sticking to your budget and doing the best you can with that whether it's £200, £2,000 or £20,000.

I'm not engaged yet but I already know that based on numbers at mine and my OH's siblings' wedding we'll be talking 120-150 people if we ever get married and keep it to just family and close friends, so it's already going to cost a lot purely due to the numbers. I'm also very keen that we pay for as much of it ourselves as we can, as I'm the youngest of three girls and have a very traditional dad who would quite happily pay for the lot, but whilst I should point out I'm incredibly grateful for his generosity I don't want him to have to do anything major financially. OH's mum has also said that she will give us 10k from the rent money to put towards our wedding (we rent our flat from her). A big part of paying for it ourselves is that I come from a family with a big fear of debts like loans and credit cards, so I want to save up for the wedding as much as I can myself rather than borrowing money to pay for it.

As I know we'll be forking out a lot on things like the reception, I'm planning to keep costs down in other areas wherever I can - I'll ask my dad's cousin to make my dress (she made my sisters' dresses and one of my aunties' dresses, so it's kind of the family tradition), ask my mum to make the stationery, make at least some of the decorations myself, make the cake(s) myself, make my own hair accessories, do an iPod playlist with song requests from guests etc. I've got quite a few of those ideas from here so it's a mine of information for future money-saving reference.

Ultimately, as others have said - your wedding, your choice. If you can afford it - either through saving, gifts from relatives, careful borrowing (I know I said I didn't want to borrow for my wedding but far be it from me to judge others for doing that if they want/need to and can afford to pay the money back) or a mix of all three - then do whatever the heck you want.

coolcait

codemonkey wrote: »

...that there seem to be a lot of posts on here suggesting that if you spend any more than the bare minimum on a wedding, that it's unromantic, stupid, starting your married life in debt/skint, and must mean that you just want a big wedding and don't care about your married life afterwards?
...

Interesting thread - but is that really how those posts are intended?

If they are really intended that way, maybe it's a deliberate wind-up, designed to get people going. So, ignore them.

Sometimes, they can be meant as an attempt - not always successful - to put things into perspective for an overwrought bride-to-be.

If you are stressed to the hilt because you don't know how you are going to manage to have x, y and z on your budget, then people will offer suggestions on how you could do it. But, they may also offer suggestions on how to fit your wedding to your budget.

Telling someone that their wedding can be romantic, memorable and perfect on a smaller scale is, in my view, perfectly fair comment. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're saying larger scale weddings are unromantic etc. (Unless you are a celebrity whose 'wedding' is about Hello magazine rather than holy matrimony!).

NoAngel

zcrat41 wrote: »

Good post.

I had a very smart wedding (albeit in a field!) for just over 20k. Our honeymoon was another 10k. Yes, it sounds a lot and we are a very very very lucky couple. My parents paid for all of it. They saw it as saying good bye to their little girl as they're a bit old fashioned. However, I will be deemed to be a failure as a daughter if I don't provide the same for my daughter one day!

The honeymoon was paid for by OH - he's spent 10 years setting up his own very sucessful business and this was our celebration of our marriage and his sucess as he hasn't been away for those 10 years. Literally not left the business.

However, I used this site to make sure it wasn't a 30k wedding and that the honeymoon was not 18k (as originally quoted by one travel agent). I also know I'm not the only one on here that has spend that much.

Each to their own. Our wedding was very formal but that was what we and our families wanted. No one took their hats off at our wedding for example until my Mum had!

You have to do what's right for you and your finances. Why should we be ashamed ?!

I'm just being really nosy here, so I apologise in advance! But I really want to know about your £10k honeymoon! It's not that I have a problem with it... I'd just love to know what £10k buys you! (here's me thinking my £2.5k honeymoon is going to be luxury!)

Idiophreak

coolcait wrote: »

Interesting thread - but is that really how those posts are intended?

If they are really intended that way, maybe it's a deliberate wind-up, designed to get people going. So, ignore them.

Sometimes, they can be meant as an attempt - not always successful - to put things into perspective for an overwrought bride-to-be.

Sadly, a lot of the time, it's just people trying to demonstrate their moral superiority. It's not nice, but it's simply "I'm better than you because I had / am having a cheap wedding". I've no idea why they do it, maybe it's to convince themselves that they don't need to spend more, but it's just the way it seems.

White_Sapphire

Idiophreak wrote: »

Sadly, a lot of the time, it's just people trying to demonstrate their moral superiority. It's not nice, but it's simply "I'm better than you because I had / am having a cheap wedding". I've no idea why they do it, maybe it's to convince themselves that they don't need to spend more, but it's just the way it seems.

I do remember one post a while back where a bride-to-be stated her budget as £20k, to be met with someone basically berating her for being on the MSE forum!! A lot of people seem to forget that being MSE is not really to do with the actual figure you're spending, but with whether you can afford to spend that amount, whether the money is going on things that are important to you (eg, to paraphrase another poster, are you buying a £600 cake because you love the design and flavour, and can't get it cheaper elsewhere and it's in budget, or because you think that that's what wedding cakes cost?), and whether you're getting the most for your cash.

So if you can afford to spend £20k on your wedding and manage to have what is effectively a £30k wedding by negotiating, shopping around, and DIY-ing, then your wedding will be more MSE than someone who spends £4k but doesn't shop around and ends up sacrificing things that are important to them.

anibell

I couldn't agreed more with you White_Sapphire
My fiance and I love each other and want to make a commitment to each other in front of our family and friends and as long as my son walks me down the aisle I'm set :j

zcrat41

No Angel - it was the most amazing thing I have ever ever done. It was all booked by hubby as a surprise and he won a lifetimes worth of brownie points for this. I was convinced we were going to be having a late honeymoon to NZ to watch the rugby world up as he was planning it. Well, he went a few steps better:

Private transfers throughout.
Took the Orient Express (pause for the internal sigh of pleasure I still get when thinking about that!!) to Venice (this was the really expensive bit)
Few nights in very posh Venetian hotel
A week at another very posh hotel on Lake Como
A week at another posh hotel in Rome
A week at another posh hotel in Sorrento (lifetime ambition to visit Pompeii)

We were away for 4 weeks and I don't think I ever knew such luxury existed! The posh hotels were just incredible. Your every need and whim was catered for. We're pretty frugal normally - to the extent that I buy tesco value chocolate to make crispie cakes instead of buying cereal bars. However, when we do something (and we might only do it once in a lifetime) we do it well. In a way its also done us a bit of good - it's inspired me to want more holidays like this so we're looking at setting up another business. I want to be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary back on that train!

It didn't help that Italy is one of the most expensive places you can go - 5 Euros was the average for a can of coke when we were out there. I'm sure you're honeymoon will be amazing - 2.5k will have bought you a pretty amazing destination I'm sure! Anway, its fab just to enjoy a rest after wedding stress and to get to spend time with new hubby!

NoAngel

Sounds amazing!! It's just interesting to see what you did! Sounds like it was totally worth it. I better get OH doing a bit more overtime....