Why is it....

ampafc

Great post

As much as I hate to say it, I think there is a bit of jealousy (imo) that goes through this particular board. While I understand that many people come on the board to get things as cheaply as possible, as they can't afford what others can, this shouldn't give them licence to knock people that can maybe spend a bit more.

We are lucky, in that we are getting a lot of help from parents, who want to ensure that we and our guests have a fantastic time. We have 130 people having a sit down meal during the day, with a further 100 coming at night, and the overall cost will reflect that. I think some of the moneysaving ideas on here are great, however, and I applaud the inventiveness! I would never dream of saying anything negative based on the price of the wedding, no matter how big or small.

MaggieBaking

I think that some people complain about the amount of money spent on a wedding because they convince themselves a small budget means that the main focus is on love and commitment. That by not having frivolous accessories to the day it somehow makes their wedding more "authentic". Which obviously is rubbish, the way I see it I just went with what I would do for a "normal" party and amplified it for our wedding!

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Our wedding was £7k and you could not have had a more MSE affair in value for money terms. Every pound was carefully considered and stretched out. I heard disparaging things about it before and after the event - from mundane about my shoes, to how the theme was "ridiculous".

FYI - the shoes were pointy £15 ones ("pointy toes are so 2007 you know"? Yes, but my shoes were hidden under a dress and cheap, therefore not "this season" - and I don't think I ever wear anything fashionable at any time!!). The theme was carnival red, both to match the venue and the fun my husband and I share. If I'd have gone for "elegant roses" I'd have had to spend 10 times the amount!

For me being MSE meant that I was able to try and avoid the pitfalls that a lot of brides suffer from on other wedding forums. If you need a wedding car, sure they're about £400 standard so lots of people have their own car ideals like camper vans and vintage Rolls - but I wanted to save money on that. Of course the most MSE thing I could have done was walk about 2 miles and catch 3 buses but I didn't want to do that. I found a wedding taxi for £250 and I was happy with that A hint for brides to be, search out "executive cars" for alternatives on transport, much cheaper.

For me I spent money on things that was important to me, of course nothing was as important as getting married. The way I see it was "if I invited people round for dinner, what would I do", and yes, I'd want to have alcohol and plenty of food and I'd have flowers on the table too. My wedding was that times 60 people. Another friend I knew couldn't care less about decorations - she'd have left the tables blank but the hotel were able to put out free tealights, it wasn't important to her. She didn't feel the need to provide wine because she knew half the guests would want to buy beer anyway and wine would be a waste.

I believe you need to try and see through what "everyone" does and work out what's important to you. Compared with my friend she had bridesmaids and a make-up artist and hair dresser - because those were important to her. She was visible arriving in a car, and it took her and her husband to the reception so she spent money on a lovely looking thing, it's one of my favourite pictures of the day. All of those costs I didn't have, because my money was focused elsewhere.

Work out what's important to you, and sod what everyone else does!!!

zcrat41

Good post.

I had a very smart wedding (albeit in a field!) for just over 20k. Our honeymoon was another 10k. Yes, it sounds a lot and we are a very very very lucky couple. My parents paid for all of it. They saw it as saying good bye to their little girl as they're a bit old fashioned. However, I will be deemed to be a failure as a daughter if I don't provide the same for my daughter one day!

The honeymoon was paid for by OH - he's spent 10 years setting up his own very sucessful business and this was our celebration of our marriage and his sucess as he hasn't been away for those 10 years. Literally not left the business.

However, I used this site to make sure it wasn't a 30k wedding and that the honeymoon was not 18k (as originally quoted by one travel agent). I also know I'm not the only one on here that has spend that much.

Each to their own. Our wedding was very formal but that was what we and our families wanted. No one took their hats off at our wedding for example until my Mum had!

You have to do what's right for you and your finances. Why should we be ashamed ?!

jemb

So glad someone has said this! I do feel like I need to tip toe around, but really come on here to save a few quid to help the wedding budget go further. Our venue and food is none negotiable and we're having a sit down meal for 100 at £40 a head drinks not included. I want to save on other things, and help other people with what I've seen too. I'm not being stuck up by it as you guys say, that's just the way it is. We're very lucky that my parents are paying a hell of alot, but that's not my fault!

Totally agree with some on their high horses about sit down meals being stuffy too. Sorry, my wedding, my rules! My sit down meal! lol

Idiophreak

I'm glad to see the "inverse snobbery" on this board being highlighted once again.

Personally, I don't think it's nice for *anyone* to try and make someone else feel bad for the amount they're spending on their wedding, whether they think they're spending too much, or too little.

I feel a bit guilty, sometimes, reading this board - as our parents gifted us an amount considerably higher than most spend on their wedding on this board...So could easily have done the thing and not spent any of our own money, got any debt etc. In the end, between the wedding and honeymoon, we spent several times the amount we were gifted and collected some debt along the way. (rest assured, we saved an awful lot of money along the way, too ). Far from seeing it as "starting our married life in debt", I see it as starting married life with an absolutely amazing party...and a month in America. We saw a rocket launch from Cape Canaveral, swam with dolphins, swam with manatees, saw the blue man group and cirque du soleil, did theme parks, days on the beach and countless lovely meals out. We took a helicopter ride over Manhattan, ate in a 3 Michelin starred restaurant, saw Chicago on Broadway...in short, we genuinely had the best time of our lives. Yes, we might be paying for it for a year or so....but I honestly feel every detail of our wedding was perfect for us - and wouldn't change a thing.

Enchantica

Very interesting thread and I'm glad it's been posted! I felt bad that we are spending around £7k (I say around because I've not bothered to add it up exactly) on our wedding and £4k on our honeymoon. I do feel bad at times when I think we have spent £11k on all this but my parents paid for most of the wedding so we only had to save for a few bits and pieces plus the honeymoon.

I have friends who are likely to do a much smaller wedding but that's what they want. I look at them and think... should I have had a smaller wedding so that it 'meant more'? Is this just a big party and I'm totally forgetting the meaning of marriage? Then I look at our ceremony and how personal it is and how we bumped up the day guests because we wanted certain family and friends to be able to join in the full celebrations.

A big wedding doesn't mean you have lost sight of things. Have the wedding that you want, whether it's a small low key affair or a massive do.

lollyb84

Code, I'm so pleased you've posted this. I truly think that everyone should be pleased that others are getting married and doing it the way they want. Our budget was several times what some other people people are spending on their weddings, and I don't feel ashamed of that. My husband and I bought a house together, are paying off our mortgage, and have savings, some of which we used towards our wedding. We haven't gone into debt for our wedding, and we were lucky that our parents were in a position to contribute.

We had what many would consider to be a traditional 'stuffy' 3 course meal, but it wasn't stuffy at all. My theme for the day was simple and elegant, but informal, and I wanted it to be a representation of all that we are as a couple. We spent most of the time between courses pottering around the tables, speaking with family and friends and having a good time. Yes, we upset some people because we didn't have what they wanted/expected us to have, but it was our wedding so we did it our way, which is the way it should be.

adamg

Great thread, planning my wedding at moment, set ourselves a 20k budget, but once the MSE in me starts hopefully finish at about 15k. The WTB's sister is moaning as she feels like she is missing out thinks its a waste of money. But to us its what we want to do with our money, been together 3 years and only ever had one holiday together and we dont live a luxury lifestyle. As for being 'stuffy' I can see our day starting very formal with the sit down meal but once my rugby team starts drinking and the bottles of port start flowing will quickly turn into a relaxed evening with BBQ. Any who comments against my wedding will be taken off guest list easy!

zcrat41

AdamG your wedding sounds like it'll be great fun.

We had a lot of farming and rugby lads too. The formality certainly didn't last past the first dance!

adamg

zcrat41 wrote: »

AdamG your wedding sounds like it'll be great fun.

We had a lot of farming and rugby lads too. The formality certainly didn't last past the first dance!

not sure if your familiar with 'father abraham' but if thats the first song will go down hill very quickly.