Why is it....

codemonkey

...that there seem to be a lot of posts on here suggesting that if you spend any more than the bare minimum on a wedding, that it's unromantic, stupid, starting your married life in debt/skint, and must mean that you just want a big wedding and don't care about your married life afterwards?

We had a budget of £10k (not including my dress and cars which my parents covered) for ours. Certainly not excessive and less than the national average perhaps, but more than a lot of people in here. Thanks to some advice from fellow posters we got it down to just over £8k. We saved for it, didn't go into debt for it, and we're not starting married life skint either, but so what if we did? Would that somehow devalue the love or the marriage?

I thought the MSE was about making your money work harder, making better choices (and if that involves loans, getting a better deal) rather than being sniffy if someone chooses a "stuffy" sit down meal (not being nasty about those who chose a hog roast, or a buffet - equally valid options) or to spend a large amount on the celebration. Presumably the marriage is still going to be the same marriage whether you spend £300 on the basic registry office thing or £25k on having a massive blow out party and should be up to the individual couple what to do based on their circumstances?

Just a thought...

Kaye1

I agree. Very valid point.

NoAngel

I totally agree with what you've said. I thought the whole point of this forum was to keep things within budget. So if your budget is £10k or £500, so what? As long as you know what you've got to spend and can plan your budget accordingly!

For some people having a huge wedding is really important to them, and if they have more money to spend then why does it matter?
Others are totally happy to have a wedding with just the two of them and no fuss, but it would be boring if everyone had the same ideas and opinions about everything.

It'd pretty annoying when people comment on the usual hotel package with 3 course dinner and evening do as being boring and predictable, and they'd rather have a wedding in a field as this means they love each other more.

Em88

I completely agree Code. It seems that people think the bigger the wedding the lesser the relationship: but surely it is about having the wedding that represents the two of you as a couple and that has those people you want there to share your special day.

Our budget is around £5,500 (excluding my dress, veil and tiara which my parents have bought) and we are only having a small number of guests, around 20 so I am sure some people would consider it a lot. Additionally I am not looking at costs as the main factor in choosing items/suppliers but am picking the things I/we like best. Our wedding is being paid for by FIL to be and maybe if we were funding it I would be doing things slightly differently, but I honestly doubt that; the only difference would be when we got married (we would have to have saved for a while to afford it rather than just being able to book everything after he said he would pay). Our choices perfectly reflect us as a couple and even though we have upset some people, with both the guest list and the venue choice I wouldn't have it any other way as it is so 'us'. Now if the next 6 months could hurry up please so our day can be here that would be lovely :rotfl:

tryingtobetheperfectHW

Completely agree, I've spent 4K on food alone...not very MSE, think again, haggled it down from £6200!!

It doesn't matter if your budget is £100 or £100,000, only that you got the best deal that you could!

White_Sapphire

Code, thank you for this post. :T

I feel like I'm seeing more and more posts describing 3-course meals, and anything else faintly formal or traditional as 'stuffy', and it is beginning to get to me. If you want a really informal do with no set seating and people milling around then that's great, go for it. As it happens I love going to weddings like that. We're having something fairly formal (and still relaxed and enjoyable) because we like the sense of occasion that brings, and that's what we want. And we can afford it. And we're making sure we get everything at the best price we can. So there.

As for the predictable, ill-thought-through "OMG I can't believe anyone would want to spend any money on a wedding it obviously means you're just doing it to show off and to be the centre of attention you're all so shallow if I got married it would just be in a registry office with strangers as witnesses because it proves I'm doing it for the marriage not the wedding and anyone who does it differently from me is WRONG" rant (*intake of breath*), YOUR OPINION DOES NOT COUNT. When you have your wedding, do it your way and we will all wish you and your partner every happiness however you choose to get wed. Please show everyone else on this forum the same courtesy.

Ahem. Rant over.

Claireabell

It is up to each individual. If people want to spend thousands on a wedding, it is their choice. Equally, if people save up the money or borrow for it, it is their choice.

For me and my hubby to be- we are skint. He is out of work, and am very greatful for all the tips on here that are enabling us to have a wedding we want, wit the little money we have.

Tiara_2

Thank you for posting this Codemonkey. I completey agree, and am getting a bit sick of the negativity this brings. Everyone has different priorities and different budgets, and I really don't like how some people think it's fine to judge and be critical of others who have a different budget and different priorities!

sweetilemon

No judgement should be passed on what kind of wedding everyone chooses to have but to get what suits them at a budget that works for them. it is completely individual what compromises and how important certain aspects of their wedding are to each couple. Personally i made an estimate budget but knew there was flexiability for things of great importance to us but tried to get the best price for everything we chose. im having a sit down meal and set to spend around 10k excluding honeymoon. ive chosen to save money by having a midweek wedding. im working more and cutting back to save. everyones circumstances are different and have different prorities it doesnt make the meaning of the wedding any different.

fawny

Completly agree with you Codemonkey. We have a budget of 8K & at the moment it's coming in just less than that. We have choosen the most expensive restaurant as it's wonderful & we wanted to give our guest something special as they are making a big effort & spending lots of money to join us. We could have done it cheaper but it's within our budget so we are happy. We are not getting into debt my parents have given us a large sum of money & we are putting the rest in from our savings.

gandy

me and my DH got married in may just past and in total we spent around £13k that included 110 people for a sit down 3 course meal, my dress (new) which i managed to get for a 2/3rds of it's original price due to pure luck and the unfortunate news that another lady had ordered the dress but ended up cancelling her wedding and also a 3 week honeymoon in california (starting in san francisco and ended in vegas with 5 hotels in between)

and we did it all by saving as much as we could for 2 years, which we managed to do. we paid for 99% of it ourselves, we didn't skimp on what we really wanted and considered essential for us but that didn't mean we didn't get the best deals possible for everything while we were at it! :rotfl:

i made all of our invites, full and evening and all our thank you cards just cause i wanted something that was unique to us and different and i love doing crafty stuff. i also made all of our place cards (butterfly shaped for the adults - which i cut out by hand and foam snakes for the kids so they had something fun to play with at the table), i also made photo props (mustaches, beards, glasses, crowns etc) from foam and felt so people could have fun while they were waiting for us to get our photos taken between the ceremony and arriving at the hotel.

i feel that if you can afford to spend the money (even if it means getting a loan for your big day but you know you're going to be able to pay it back) then have the day you want. I loved my wedding day, all the things that me and my hubby earmarked as important we did splash out on but didn't go over board. Even the bits that i spent the time doing myself like the wedding tree and the place cards and the photo props got so many comments that they were so me and great ideas.

Make the day yours (no matter what the budget) and that's what most people remember, not how much everything might have been!