No More! debtfree2015's diary

debtfree2015_2

Thanks Muffin!

Yep would have been better spaced out during the week, but we had fun on the days we went out so not all bad.

I expect the weekend will drag, so will brave the busy saturday to take dd out to break it up a bit!

debtfree2015_2

Not alot planned for the day, picked up a few bits at lidl this morning.

Im still tired from the past few days so will be an easy day today.

Its got really cold again, so not sure the farm trip will go ahead next week, Im a wimp when it comes to the cold, so if weather stays the same we will try to find something 'indoor' to do.

Im considering a trip to the dump tomorrow, that friend that offered to help with the draws still hasnt. Im getting a bit annoyed with him to be honest.

I have until recently seen him as my best friend, but now Im feeling the friendship is one sided. Im a very loyal friend, Id pretty much drop anything for any of my close friends. With him, I feel like he slots us into his life when theres nothing better to do. Its all based on his terms, ie he will visit us when he can, we cant visit him. He will phone we cant phone we have to wait until he calls us.

The weird thing is, years and years ago - like 6 years now, we were together for a while, it was only a year or so. We were friends long before that. We worked out pretty quickly that it was a bit strange, I think we were too good friends, and should never have crossed the line. So we returned to being friends and we were closer than we ever were before as friends.
He was the one who suggested the local area when I moved, so Id at least have someone. I didnt move into his town incase I was found, but Im about 20 mins away.
Prior to moving we saw him about once a month and we were a good 2 hour drive away. Now what I dont get is Im now 20 mins away, but we are more like strangers now, visits Im lucky if they are once every 3 months. Its quite upsetting, as he was almost an uncle figure to dd, she always picked up the phone when he called, as he used to call daily and now she asks when he is next coming round, can she phone him and I dont know what to say to her!

I know people grow apart, but Ive known him almost 10 years now, we were close from day one so I kind of thought he was my friend for life. Feeling a bit down about it, but I know it is a natural part of life. Just got to let it go I guess.

debtfree2015_2

Not a lot planned today. It looks so nice out but out the window I can see everyone wrapped up to the max, quite decieving the sunshine!

Im taking dd over to the park in a bit then back to housework, I had a real lazy day yesterday didnt get a lot done even though we were in all day!

Ive calmed from my rant yesterday. It occurred to me yesterday that its possible actually highlighly likely when I read back my last post, he may have a girlfriend now, and if she is anything like my ex, she may not like him having a female friend, that could explain how things have changed, but then he could have just explained as I did to him, look its a bit awkward atm etc. That or we have just grown apart, it happens. Il just leave him to get on with things for now. He knows where I am.

Going to finish my lunch, then off to the park, I was meant to take dd earlier but got distracted!

MuffinTops

Hello DF,

I think you deserved your quiet day yesterday from the sounds of things. It's nice to treat yourself to that once in a while - and it's free!

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I've been through that myself at times and I understand how difficult it feels. You're right, he could have a girlfriend, or just have so much going on that time is shooting by without him realising how long it's been since you last spoke. It's also hard as he's the person who needs to contact you first as it makes you feel you've not got too much control over the situation.

It definitely won't be about how he feels about you though. I've learned that. I can sit wondering what I did and coming up with all sorts of reasons why, but when we do eventually talk and I ask what happened, their genuine answer is always about them and nothing about me.

Could you send him a Happy Easter text to give him a little prompt in the right direction? I hope you manage to get things sorted with him as good friendships like that can be few and far between.

Have a lovely day. Thanks for heads up on how cold it is outside. I was going to have a little drink outside later, but I may rethink that and just keep on with the packing up.

x

debtfree2015_2

Feeling very bad today, we ended up having a row not long after my last post.

I told myself if he calls dont answer as I knew if I was already in a bad mood Id make things worse. I have quite a bad temper, it takes me a while to explode but when I do I really do. Too typical of my sign.

I answered and it developed into a row of course.

Im sad that I let my temper get the better of me but Im even more angry with him that I was before the call.

Im calm in general, when I dont think of him that is!

debtfree2015_2

Been a very calm weekend, a touch boring at times tbh!
On the good side its been a no spend weekend which is always good.

Cant wait for the week to start, its been a little too quiet so looking forward to doing something tomorrow!

MuffinTops

Hi DF,
Sounds like your last couple of days have been a little roller coaster. I'm sorry you had a row with your friend. Hopefully you said enough to make him contact you more though? I hope you sort that out.

Well done on having a no spend weekend! x

debtfree2015_2

Hi Muffin,

I haven't heard from him since the row. I know that must mean he doesnt agree with my view point. And if he doesnt agree then things are not going to change.
Im a lot calmer about it now. I remember reading a long time ago about when you meet people, alot of the time its people you attracted as you need something from and vice versa, when you no longer need them you drift apart and thats that.
A bit like at school, theres always a good listening friend, a good confience boosting friend, a comedian, fun etc.

I think with him, we were very simular. Simular job roles where we met we worked together on a project and at the time had simular partners, our rants would be identical! We both struggled with our childhoods, I helped him with work decisions, he helped me with moving decisions. We lost important people in our lives within weeks of each other so supported each other through that. Well actually last part was more me supporting him, but only as his family member passed first, then mine 2 weeks later.

Maybe we have done what we needed to do for each other and now we dont 'need' each other as such thats it. I suspect he may have subconsciously realised this before I did hense seeing/hearing from him less and less.

Anyhow its done now, onwards and upwards!

debtfree2015_2

A quiet day today, again NSD but that was mainly through laziness, as I did need a top up of bits but couldnt face the rain.

Tomorrow Il need to go out though as butter is almost out, could do with some fruit too.

Dont think the farm visit is going ahead, which isnt a bad thing as it was going to be very expensive, so I think Il take dd to soft play instead.

debtfree2015_2

We visited a friend yesterday, which was nice. I seem to have clicked with this lady, we have quite a bit in common despite being at completely different points in our lives. She is a little younger than me and when she talks, and her life, its like watching myself 10 years ago, except theres only 5 years age difference.

Today we stayed in & I scrubbed the place from top to bottom.

Tomorrow we have no plans, nothing needs doing either so will see how it pans out.