Benefits outweigh working?

lilac_lady

He doesn't sound as if he's commited to what's best for the family rather than what's best for him.

He should be happy that his chld's mother wants to be a SAHM for part of the week and adjust his money accordingly.

gingergee

sounds very much like my ex.... who incidently used to CHARGE me rent for living in OUR house!! (was in his name!) wouldn't pay anything towards kids trips/nursery/clothes!! Upshot is i walked out!! with the clothes on my back and a bag of stuff for the kids! FF 3 yrs i have a nice home, ok (ish) job, my kids and mostly...my self respect! Him meanwhile is on his bottom, struggling and.....having to pay me 87 pounds a week via the csa!! lol x

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Sorry but your partner is treating you as though you existed solely for his benefit, to share half of the financial burden but to provide all of the childcare.

Who does the unpaid domestic chores?

What do you get out of the relationship?

jojo_2012_2

I think after 6 years and a baby together your money should all be counted as one amount, and your bills as shared bills, anything else is a bit weird on his part.

Maybe you should consider whether you'd be better off living on benefits and getting a wedge of his pay packet from his 'respectable job' through the CSA each week.

Gallstones

I'm sorry but if this was my partner I would ring his neck the cheeky bleep. Surely his concern should be what "we" have at the left at the end of the month not what "he" has left at the end of the month. I've seen this situation with friends and it always ends in tears. Personally I think you need to pool your resources or quit as the mentality of this man is wrong. He should be providing more for you. It make me angry that men expect women to provide more or less full time childcare cooking and cleaning services AND expect them to bring in 50% of the money. That is totally unfair.

ALIBOBSY

What an idiot-show him this thread so he can see how horrible and irresponsible he is being. You have a family together you should be pulling together now and him pulling away on monetary issues sounds like he still wants to be single and is refusing to commit.

Oh and I had separate account for the first few months when we moved in together, but it is far easier to have a joint account (which we did and still do). In the almost 14 years we have been married (15 years together) I earned more than him, then we were on about the same, then we had baby 1 and I went part time, then carreer break then back full time and part time-now after baby 4 I am a full time mum.
So our various wages/incomes have varied over time, but OH realises that I look after OUR children. Also now I am at home full time I do most of the housework, cook and bakemost stuff from scratch, grow alot of our own veg, see to the chickens and the kids pets, sort out the bills and savings/pensions, arrange dental/drs appointments etc etc for us all, plan and sort out special occasions etc etc etc.

The reality is to pay a personal assistant/childcare/financial advisor would be 30 or 40k easily. But we are a family and we pull together.

Ali x

Dave101t

nice partner of yours, not a match made in heaven then?

mysk_girl

My husband and I do pro rata. He earns (much) more and has more left over at the end of the month, but neither of us goes without anything we need (and we both get most of our wants, tbh). This is possibly about to change as we are both at risk of imminent redundancy, but we'll deal with that! And he does half the laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. He also grows most of our vegetables. He does play a lot of cricket, but I cannot, and don't, begrudge him that given everything else he does.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what other people do - it matters that you have a system that you are both happy, if you aren't it needs to change. An unhappy financial relationship will not be a good one.