Benefits outweigh working?

gauly

Bridesmaid83 wrote: »

I'm upset he won't realise that he has to support his family financially and if I were to go back to 37 hours a week then our childcare would be double and we'd be in the same situation.

Well, financially the answer is for you to go back to work full-time. From the sounds of your arrangement, the childcare would get split 50:50, but you would get to keep all the extra income for yourself! You would be better off but your partner wouldn't - I wonder how long it would take him to realise that he was better off when you worked part-time?

mildred1978

BrettMorganxD wrote: »

To the first question. If you are living together and have a child, would it not be best to have a joint bank account. Instead of going "halves" on everything

My husband and I have been married for 9 years, have a 1 year old son and have never ever had a joint bank account. We don't intend to either.

Lady_strange

well work out together what everything costs, and show him how much money you will be left with each month if you pay half.

Also show him what child care costs would be, so that he can see how much you are both saving with you working part time.

Also maybe see if there is anyway you can both cut down on outgoings?

AnxiousMum

If he is that seriously so far up his own rear end to see that what you do has a monetary worth, then you may have to spell it out for him on paper.

Take into account your time spent making meals, doing the housework, childcare - and put a realistic value to it for the number of hours 'work' you do in the home in addition to the outside of the house work. Let him know what his 'half' of that bill is. In reality, if you didn't do it, then you would both have to pay someone to do it wouldn't you?

On the other hand, pop onto Entitled To.....and figure out your income as a 'single' parent - include ctc's, your income, cb, any housing benefit, child benefit, and most importantly, his 15% child maintenance. let him know that by living with him you are 'losing' £XXX per month, so he has to make up that difference.

Seriously - while I'm in no way advising the above is the way to go forward, this man? needs to realise your worth, and you need to stop being his doormat.

He either considers himself a part of a 'family' or he doesn't.

robus

**oody **ll!!

I must have spent the best part of half my lifetime doing it all wrong!

We've been married for 32 years now and I have never had a bank account, joint or otherwise with my wife since we got married.

A few weeks before we got wed, I closed my current account, and moved the whole lot over into what was to become my wife's account. And that is how it has stayed. She has never worked since we married as we wanted a family. All of my wages, everything was paid into her account.

I went out to work, she stayed at home to look after the family.

I have never gone without. She always bought my bacci and a few cans every Friday with the shopping. She takes me out for clothes and shoes, she even cuts my hair!

When we go out she gives me some cash.

It has never crossed my mind to have my own bank account. I wouldn't know what it was for.

I don't understand this sharing bills thing.
When I got married I promised that what is mine is hers.

Bridesmaid83

^ You sound lovely.

Thank you for the info everyone, it's definetely put things into perspective and the first thing I'm going to do is create a spreadsheet showing him all my earnings and outgoings on bills/childcare/food etc and he can see how much I have left. Then I'm going to do the same with what he earns, and his outgoings. See who's left with more money in the end (and we all know who that will be).

skintandscared_2

We add up all the bills, add up all our joint income, take the bills off the total income and whatever's left is shared equally! So we don't contribute equal amounts to the bills, but we end up with equal amounts to spend. If hubby doesn't want to share his cash, he can share his time. He gets full baby-care duties all weekend!!

dodger1

Bridesmaid83 wrote: »

^ You sound lovely.

Thank you for the info everyone, it's definetely put things into perspective and the first thing I'm going to do is create a spreadsheet showing him all my earnings and outgoings on bills/childcare/food etc and he can see how much I have left. Then I'm going to do the same with what he earns, and his outgoings. See who's left with more money in the end (and we all know who that will be).

To be honest your partner appears to be treating this more like a business than a loving relationship.

pinkpig08

If he wants to go halves on everything why not suggest he gives up 2 days work to look after your child seeing as you're doing it for 4.5 days when you're not working? That would make it fair in his book, right?

Or work out what it would cost to put your LO into childcare for the extra 2.5 days and ask him for half of that seeing as it's you doing the childcare? Tell him you're now charging!

I honestly can't understand people like your OH!

zagfles

pinkpig08 wrote: »

If he wants to go halves on everything why not suggest he gives up 2 days work to look after your child seeing as you're doing it for 4.5 days when you're not working? That would make it fair in his book, right?

Or work out what it would cost to put your LO into childcare for the extra 2.5 days and ask him for half of that seeing as it's you doing the childcare? Tell him you're now charging!

I honestly can't understand people like your OH!

Might be barking up the wrong tree here but I think it can only come from not really wanting to be a father. A friend of mine is just like the OPs OH, he never wanted kids but his wife did, they had agreed not to have kids before they married but his wife changed her mind. He ended up agreeing just to keep her happy, and now they're pretty much in the OPs position!

I tried to convince him beforehand that having kids is something you have to positively want, because it'll turn his life upside down and cost a fortune, but he was convinced it'll just be like their cat, which he didn't want but his wife did and she paid for all the food, did all the care etc!! He thought it'd be the same with a baby :rotfl:Convincing him otherwise was impossible

And he didn't change when the baby was born - I remember I'd bore people witless talking about my babies, he never did and would change the subject if anyone asked about his kid. He just wasn't father material and should never have been one.