Advice re sending out v.late thankyou cards

Idiophreak

ampafc wrote: »

We got engaged a few weeks ago, and have always sent out the thank yous within a week of getting the gift. It's common courtesy - and only takes a couple of minutes.

Ha, "takes a couple of minutes" my backside.

The process we went through was something like this.

1) write spreadsheet of who gave what. (2 hours)
2) honeymoon for a month
3) write 80 odd individual cards (4 hours?)
4) print envelopes, fronts of cards etc (3 hours)
5) assemble, stamp, post (1 hour?)

That was a conservative 10 hours of work to get ours out - and it was around 6 weeks after the wedding by the time they went. We found it a real mission to get them out that soon. Finding that length of time to do anything in amongst all of the other usual stuff you have to after a wedding really isn't easy.

Sadly we can't all be as perfect as you.

globetraveller

redhead122 wrote: »

We're only just sending our Thank you cards out now, and the wedding was in July, I wanted a specific photo that our photographer took, to use on the front of the card, and had to wait for the original photo and for copyright permission to use and distribute it.

I haven't put sorry it's late in the card, but I have mentioned in passing to family and friends that we were waiting on the photographer, and they'll be sent out asap.

Have you talked to them and thanked them in the meantime? If not I can see why one of your friends is miffed. If you have thanked personally then she is being a little petty. If not- then I can fully understand her.
The idea I've quoted above is a perfect solution for you. Other than that, if you haven't verbally thanked them by now IMO it is a bit insulting to receive a thanks so late- which I am sure you have already realised.

flowerbomb1979

It's insulting to receive such a late thanks? Seriously, some people will get their knickers in a knot over such minor things. Like someone else mentioned, there could be many reasons; waiting on photo for cards, extended honeymoon, life traumas getting in the way.

I'd not go to a wedding of someone who I didn't think would be grateful for our involvement in the day / gifts and certainly wouldn't be so pious as to be insulted for a late letter of thanks.

Get a grip.

I think a one sentence opener is the way to go and make the card about a thanks rather than an apology.

And the friends on fb - are you sure they've not just deleted their accounts altogether? Lots of people have recently. A real friend wouldn't delete you over a minor social faux pas.

LEJC

however you approach this I think you will need to put somethng a bit more heartfelt than "thanks for the gift"..so it will be something that you will need to sit down handwrite and probably both sign...

How about acknowledging that life has been very busy and you have faced a challenge that you didnt expect but thankfully things are now back on track...

Acknowledge what the person bought you rather than referring to it as "the gift"...and just try to make the card as personal as possible

Please please dont just add a PS on the bottom of a nice card saying "sorry its late"...that really comes across uncaring and what it is..a postscript!...

You could also add a photo of the two of you together or the guest at your wedding if you have one...

You arnt the first to send them late but it is better to receive a nice letter/card thats heartfelt some months later than a computer generated quick reply within a few days...

Angel_of_Tomfoolery

Thinking back to weddings I've been to, most of the time the thank you cards were sent a few months after the wedding and I quite liked having a nice surprise after forgetting about it tbh lol. I certainly didn't have a strop that they weren't sent the day they got back from their honeymoon! I agree that personal ones are much nicer than generic ones (and more worth the wait!). I also appreciated one where my friends put a pic of me and my OH that had been taken on the day inside the card. I thought that was a really nice touch.

Maysie

Reminds me we only did half the cards posted them then the list of who gave what dissapeared off pc we think we lost it when we did a system restore. I am going for the send a christmas card with it now and say atleast we are getting in early for xmas.

flowerbomb1979

Angel_of_Tomfoolery wrote: »

I quite liked having a nice surprise after forgetting about it tbh lol.

Exactly! Who actually looks out for a thank you card and huffs if it's late?

It's nice to be nice but it's also nice not to judge people who care about you enough to want you to be part of their lovely celebration.

Idiophreak

LEJC wrote: »

Please please dont just add a PS on the bottom of a nice card saying "sorry its late"...that really comes across uncaring and what it is..a postscript!...

But it *is* a postscript...you're not writing to say "sorry for taking so long to write to you". You're writing to say "thankyou" and it's a shame to sully the main body of the text with this kind of apology.

"PS: Sorry it's late" Is a little short, sure... But I really think a nice, polite, personal sentence in a PS is perfectly acceptable in this situation.

Another option might be to put a post-it on the front of the card with a sorry message - this will be cast aside and, in time, all they'll have to remember is the nice thank you card.

PootleFlump_3

ampafc wrote: »

It is incredibly rude to send the thank yous out so late - which I'm sure you are aware of. People have spent probably a lot of money on you!! Personally, I would mention that you were sorry for sending them out late, maybe saying that things have been so hectic or words to that effect.

We got engaged a few weeks ago, and have always sent out the thank yous within a week of getting the gift. It's common courtesy - and only takes a couple of minutes.

Im assuming the OP does realise that, as you have stated, or she wouldnt be posting asking for advice and stating that she is ashamed of the fact that she hasnt done it yet would she?

If I got a card late I personally wouldnt mind and would completely understand given the stuff thats been going on in the OP's life recently. It does not it take a couple of minutes to write hundreds of cards! Talking of rude... I find your post exceptionally so.

RainbowDrops

Idiophreak wrote: »

you're not writing to say "sorry for taking so long to write to you". You're writing to say "thankyou" and it's a shame to sully the main body of the text with this kind of apology.

Totally aggree.
A late thank you is better than no thank you, and people who get in a huff about it need to realise that times have changed and people have lives to go back to once they're married!