Getting help with parenting?

Mojisola

cobbingstones wrote: »

Also can I recommend a book? Its called ' How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. Its available from Amazon and has fantastic reviews.

That's good and also Steve Biddulph's "Raising Boys".

make_me_wise

JodyBPM wrote: »

Can anyone point me in the right direction of where I could find out about family therapy or anger counselling or similar?

Have you tried just ignoring him when he behaves like this? Giving absolutely no reaction to him at all. When he does behave dont give loads of treats or use incentives, just lots and lots of verbal praise.

The first thing kids want when they behave well or badly is attention. You would think they could fathom that bad behaviour will not result in good attention, but some cannot process this idea.

Try it, absolutely no reaction to kids who cant behave or be polite in my class works wonders. They realise very quickly that if they change their tactic and behaviour they get the response they really want. I teach year 3 (so 7/8 year olds). At your sons age his behaviour is not all that uncommon. Basically he feels very secure around you and is testing all his boundaries and pressing every button. It is incredibly hard to discipline yourself not to give in and react to a child who is 'going off on one'. Stay strong and they will soon know and respect what is acceptable and what isn't.

EastMidsGal

Go to your GP and get referred for a CAF report, I think that is what it is called, you'll then be assigned a family support worker (who is NOT a social worker), they will then be able to access all the services for the over 5's for you

make_me_wise

cobbingstones wrote: »

Also can I recommend a book? Its called ' How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'. Its available from Amazon and has fantastic reviews.

Can I ask the authors name of this please

[Deleted User]

I read the Raising Boys book when DS was a baby and found it very interesting. I have also done the Incredible years course twice too as I have two kids 15 m apart and at times found it challenging. However for the last year we've been following the methods of this book

1-2-3 Magic by Dr Thomas Phelan - http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=1+2+3+magic&!!!!!googhydr-21&index=stripbooks&hvadid=7669952653&ref=pd_sl_9gystrp1p3_e

Its really helped, easy to do and stops you saying un-necessary things or having to think up things on the spot. We had trouble last year when DS was approaching 4, hes now approaching 5 and his sister is 3.5yrs and its a technique they both understand. Some of their friends follow it too, so when socialising we all sing from the same hymme sheet.

It goes up to roughly age 12. Its worth a peek if your library has it.

Good luck OP, there have been times when i didnt know what or where to go.

Zziggi

I don't want to sound patronising but good for you for asking for the help you feel you need. Too many parents won't ask for help and their children end up out of control little .... "blighters".

Sadly though I imagine you won't find support because you aren't at social services/police involvement level.

I wish you luck in finding the support you need though.

Spendless

JodyBPM wrote: »

We do have a children centre, but the are ONLY prepared to deal with children under 5. I spoke to them once when he was just shy of 5, and they came out and did a home visit and I did find it useful from a support point of view, although all they did was talk about the same parenting techniques that we already use (naughty step/choices and consequences etc). They then said that they couldn't come again as he would be 5 and their funding is ringfenced for the under 5s, and they had no idea where to signpost us to for help for over 5s.

TBH that's probably exactly what I am looking for, something like the support offered by surestart children's centres, but for over 5s.

Dig a bit deeper there cos my childrens centre will register you if you have a child aged 5 or under. My children's centre wasn't built till DD was around 5.5 and already at f-time school but I was able to access the courses even after her 6th birthday, by registering when she was still 5. Whether different areas have different policies, or funding has changed in the last couple of years I don't know.


BTW- I didn't realise I was in power struggles with my DS till I did these courses (I'd never heard of a power struggle) and IME there isn't a great deal about how to deal with them other than to withdraw from the argument. What I did find helped was reflection of feelings 'and that makes you feel cross because xxxx, you feel sad because xxxxx'

ETA- The 2nd book down is the 1 that I did via families first. I preferred that to The Incredible years but my son was top end of age rang when I did incredible years and I only did it cos my DH had been seriously ill during the 'what can a parent do' course and I'd missed some lessons so hadn't got the cumulative effect. The course just covered each chapter in this book. You worked on it 1 week at a time and then came back and shared your results (different people found different things worked) The very 1st week I just stepped back and listened and discovered that though I'd thought DS was to blame for a lot DD was actually starting it. Might be an idea if you can't find anything else running.
http://www.familycaring.co.uk/course_parents.htm

bylromarha

Also, may seem a bit left field, but if you have any local large churches they MAY be running a parenting course. They do not mention religion at all, but merely are churches supporting families and offering advice on getting and maintaining the best relationships in your home you can.

This new course is launching nationally this autumn and our church is running one in January for members and non members alike.

Spendless

erm that's a Tesco grabbit thread. :cool: Unless that's what you mean, take child to Tesco as there's bound to be a worse behaved one there

AnnaLicious_2

Children's Centres are targeted to the under 5's, so going back to them won't get you much joy. They should have signposted you over to children's social services, I'm a little shocked the outreach worker didn't do this.
A PSA is a good support, but you may have a higher level of need. And a lot of the PSA funding ended at the end of last academic year, they are thin on the ground now.
Phone your Family Information Service at the council to ask for phone numbers, and refer yourself over to children's social services. They will have all the details for who to speak to. They do have thresholds of types of support, as mentioned. But they will be your best port of call to find you the right people.